S D S: Poems

I could really use a time machine
Not to cheat or plan or scheme
Just to watch myself at night
And find the very first fright
Capture the madness before the start
Before it crawled into my heart
Strangle out the darkness there
And keep its whispers from my ear

Jan 2014 · 686

The Worst Kind of Woman.

S D S Jan 2014

The Worst Kind of Woman.

There's nothing pretty inside her head
Lips are shiny, eyes are dead
No one hears a thing she says

Her fake smile makes my skin crawl, teeth clack
Sun colored hair braided back
A painted doll all dressed up

Skin's like caramel or ***** cream
Hands float dangerously close
Air for brains and dirt for soul

Dec 2013 · 4.4k

Lego People

S D S Dec 2013

Lego People

I'll strip your skin
with a thought
And rend and tear
All you've got
Violent minds
Make violent hearts
Cold blood runs
And stops and starts
Love is violence
Of the soul
I'll break me down
Make us whole

Dec 2013 · 467

Booze Please!

S D S Dec 2013

***** Please!

I can taste whiskey
And a bit of Soda-pop
When I get scared

Dec 2013 · 604

Insomnia is a Defense Mechanism

S D S Dec 2013

Insomnia is a Defense Mechanism

Is it okay
For a grown man
to be afraid
of dreams?

Call me a boy
Or a coward,
I do not care.
I fear.

Nov 2013 · 462

Wouldn't it be nice?

S D S Nov 2013

Wouldn't it be nice?

Wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up
And not be us anymore?
Just sit and drink some coffee
And talk about the war
Perfectly mundane folks
Without a care beyond the debt
No need to be profane folks
Concerned with only death

Wouldn't it be nice if we could grow up
And be us in some other way?
Just rock out to some Zepplin
And smoke our cares away
Perfectly mundane folks
No worries but the rent
No need to be ashamed folks
Beaten, broken, all regret

Thinking of the Beach Boys song "Wouldn't it be nice" while in a bad mood.

Nov 2013 · 634

Wouldn't it be pleasant

S D S Nov 2013

Wouldn't it be pleasant

It would be just fantastic
to explode into all the color
That's always popping away
Behind my eyes

To leave a ****** mess
All over the west wing
Of my favorite restaurant
Would be swell

Not just morbid, brutal,
or simply satisfying
But emphatically ironic
Erupting with action

A life of depression
A violent expression
Stained to tell a story
*Beautifully gory.

Once again, I've made no effort at form. I apologize, but I'll (never) maybe get around to fixing it.

Oct 2013 · 759

Childish Existentionalism 6

S D S Oct 2013

Childish Existentionalism 6

I had such conviction, such passion
But it all came from hate
A man of words, not action
More about stuffing my face
I laid still and died once
Just running from fate
I fell over and cried once
Just to change up the pace
This boredom is numbing
And numbness is boring
I'll soon start to slumber
Or maybe start *******
Pitter patter, the lone raindrop
And it doesn't give one ****
If only I was a raindrop
If only I had such luck.

Oct 2013 · 592

Childish Existentionalism 5

S D S Oct 2013

Childish Existentionalism 5

A grey and black world
is a boy's best friend
No cares or worries
Until boyhood ends
A world of color
Is all a man wants
When all he can have
is grey and black haunts

Oct 2013 · 529

Childish Existentionalism 4

S D S Oct 2013

Childish Existentionalism 4

I'm a real work of Art
The first of my kind
A man without substance
An echo for a mind
Just sizzle, no steak
and no greater wish
than to be still, not quake
And swim like a fish

Oct 2013 · 439

Childish Existentionalism 3

S D S Oct 2013

Childish Existentionalism 3

A thrown away writing
1st Draft, Maybe Last
A poor piece of rhyming
Burned up, gone fast
The last thought given
and the worst one yet
It's me you speak of
Melancholy's 1st pet

Oct 2013 · 2.9k

Childish Existentialism 2

S D S Oct 2013

Childish Existentialism 2

Ideas Rampant; Lies Abound
I am Satan's Favorite Hound
Kicked and Beaten; Shaved and Sheared
Nothing knowing but what is feared

Born with blood instead of Soul
I was first to dig the hole
Churning lies to spread on bread
My small voice makes smiles dead

Oct 2013 · 3.6k

Childish Existentialism 1

S D S Oct 2013

Childish Existentialism 1

Is this Boredom?
Or merely Insanity?
Can you find me,
Or is that in Vanity?
Tomorrow won't come again
But Today will be forever
The future isn't mine to have
It's only yours to treasure.

Oct 2013 · 562

Not Faust

S D S Oct 2013

Not Faust

Believed I was Faust
Clever and young
Dangerous and dashing
I was wrong

I dealt with devils
And ate with kings
Devoured young maidens
I am the beast

Back from the dead
Stealing young dreams
Walking in stolen skin
Tricking the masses

Homunculus;
Dwarf in the bottle
Never in control
Devouring thoughts

I met Faust once
He passed me by
I stole his look and way
I believed the lie

Oct 2013 · 418

Sand-king

S D S Oct 2013

Sand-king

I rule a kingdom of sand
Today a paradise
Tomorrow featureless
Proud to be king
I can make my wants
Stack sand 10 feet
To make a bigger me
And watch it die
When the tide comes
Never completing
Always a new effort

Oct 2013 · 511

F%^# Taboo2

S D S Oct 2013

F%^# Taboo2

I'd rather grab your hand
Spin you around
And stop your heart

Not with a kiss
With a whispered wish

I'd rather sleep in a tree
And fall on my face
Than crawl to your bed

The wind is freeing
Your warmth is fleeting

I'm not insane for wanting
Freedom is sweeter than love
And easier to come by

Find your own home
This is my sanctuary, or prison

Oct 2013 · 936

F*&$ Taboo

S D S Oct 2013

F*&$ Taboo

I used to cower
Hidden in the dark
Stalking the night
Loneliness a shroud

Fear is a weakness
Sadness is a flaw
Lies I thought true
Paralyzed my maturity

Diseases are nasty
They give you marks
Or break your bones
Or slit your pretty throat

No one even whispers
Mental Illness is taboo
If your head isn't gashed
There is no wound there

Illness, not weakness
Don't laugh at the wheelchair
Don't scoff at the pill bottle
I refuse to be ashamed

Oct 2013 · 659

A lymric for my comfort

S D S Oct 2013

A lymric for my comfort

Laugh in the dark
Before the morning
Sing by the lark
Better than snoring
Tuesday is gone
But so is Tomorrow
Dead on the lawn
T' everyone's sorrow

Oct 2013 · 914

Eyes don't Lie

S D S Oct 2013

Eyes don't Lie

I'm attracted to sad eyes
Not sunsets or a pretty dress
The look of pain and loss
But only in the past

Its the empathetic heart I crave
Beating softly in broken cave
Chest bruised from heart-removal
Something close to what I know

There's beauty in symmetry
Particularly when its hidden
A smile at the lovely lips
And a tear in the sad eyes

Another false face, serial lies
Hiding truth of failures scars
A reflection on quality built
I love the look of sad brown eyes

Oct 2013 · 397

3:10 am 10-3-13

S D S Oct 2013

3:10 am 10-3-13

Some men sleep
Some men dream
I am stuck in between
Night and day
Find no rest
Painful pounding in my chest
Tomorrow is a
Heinous Word
Last night's whispers will be heard

Some men sleep
Some men scream
I am somewhere in between
Time slips out
Beyond my grasp
I cry out in but a rasp
She calls my name
From in the dark
Bleeding, screaming, dreaming Lark

Sep 2013 · 367

Little Less Than Human

S D S Sep 2013

Little Less Than Human

"Write from the heart"
A heart is but experience--
"Just try to get a start"
Made of all the fears in us--
"Tomorrow's the hardest part"
I've not lost any tears and hence--
"You make some disturbing art"
I don't know how to make love, and thus--
"The voices come from your heart."

I like to use two rhythms and rhymes to make a conversation on the inside and outside. It's the messed up way I think about things, not an attempt to be clever.

Aug 2013 · 349

Pill-less feeling

S D S Aug 2013

Pill-less feeling

Sanity long forgotten
Rest not an option
Blood is cold, Bones are brittle
Don't remember even a little
Happy thoughts
Not my own
Are these wounds
Nearly gone

Aug 2013 · 506

Hypocrite Forever

S D S Aug 2013

Hypocrite Forever

This suit is my armor
I wear it to tell all
"I got my **** together"
"Go fix yourself"
"Talk to me after, or not at all"
My armor is perfect
No one dares to speak
A wounded serpent sleeps
Just inside the shell
Pretending to be better
At least I got the act together

Aug 2013 · 707

Good Luck Out There (Not Really)

S D S Aug 2013

Good Luck Out There (Not Really)

An insensitive beast
Might be all I am
An incorrigible *****
Is the best you are

Two winds in a storm
Not knowing or thinking
Just flowing straight past
Good riddance to it

Aug 2013 · 464

All dressed in crazy with no where to go

S D S Aug 2013

All dressed in crazy with no where to go

So wound up like a spring
Shout when I want to sing
Fear turns to rage and back
Night is bright and days are black
Chemical storms shut up the sound
The cackling madness of the hound
One wounded dog a-yelping
Pills, liquor, sleep not helping

Jul 2013 · 387

Madman on Friday

S D S Jul 2013

Madman on Friday

Am I sick,
or just a prophet
I am sick,
of turning profit

Is it sadness
In my mind
Or an illness
I have mined

Jul 2013 · 536

Can't steal my thoughts

S D S Jul 2013

Can't steal my thoughts

I say stupendous things
To scream out silly feelings
A writer, or artist, or ***
But you won't hear nothin'
I'll breathe and die it all
Rutted in my own words
These are my thoughts
Nothing gives me pause
No cause, no reason,
No season of giving will part me
From each little catastrophe
Greedy, I ****** each little grub
Seedy, my thoughts ache and rub
Against the only barrier I have
The skull that protects my stash
A poor man has but words and spit
I've got more, but don't give a ****
I'd throw away a kingdom of gold
to reclaim the last piece of my soul
Because I love my thoughts where they are
Since they can never run away very far
And I like stagnation to go with
My sweet libations
Ravings of writer, artist, or madman
I'll never be the one that had them
These are my treasures
Each is counted, each is savored

Jul 2013 · 415

A New Man Now

S D S Jul 2013

A New Man Now

I slink into a suit
A new skin
All scaly and serpentine

I hop into the car
A new beast
It growls and thunders away

I stride into the room
A new throne
The kingdom of my desires

I stumbled away
The farm house, the poor house
I left the dirt, I climbed the mountain

I fly today
The pent house, the big house
Today the world, Tomorrow you heart

Jul 2013 · 609

Father Fixed what Mother-Nature Broke

S D S Jul 2013

Father Fixed what Mother-Nature Broke

A crooked smile
And half again the nose
Nature's best gifts

But I've got wit
And half again the charm
Nurture's best gifts

Jul 2013 · 441

Late night craving

S D S Jul 2013

Late night craving

There's a violence in my timbre
A hunger in my arms
I call to your sister
To find out where you are
Strength leaves my soul
and settles in my heart
I know I will not catch you
You already are too far

Jul 2013 · 362

Looking for Answers in a Dumb Box

S D S Jul 2013

Looking for Answers in a Dumb Box

These clicks and lights
Can't save me or you
Its not as horrible
as fate could provide
I might still prefer
A warmer space to hide
My brain is comfy
But my body decays
I'll be free of longing
One long away day

Jul 2013 · 1.5k

Computer=Distraction

S D S Jul 2013

Computer=Distraction

That electric hum
The fans blowing heat
Painful white light
The gloom that cascades
Surrounding the beacon
Which keeps my mind
Away from its worries
Static Drug and Cyber Dealer
Life line for my sanity
Lethal injection for my bravery

Jul 2013 · 324

Painful Nostalgia (5w)

S D S Jul 2013

Painful Nostalgia (5w)

I remember your smile best

Jul 2013 · 407

Negative outlook(5w)

S D S Jul 2013

Negative outlook(5w)

Life *****
Then you die

Jul 2013 · 380

(I can) Never Stop Running

S D S Jul 2013

(I can) Never Stop Running

Dark Eyes tail me
Through the rainy streets
Over the rolling hills
Pursuit beyond reason

Dark Teeth chase me
During my conquests
After my failures
Hunger past knowing

Dark Hands reach to me
When I close my eyes
Or rest my legs
Violence above sanity

Jul 2013 · 643

Madman's Defense Mechanism

S D S Jul 2013

Madman's Defense Mechanism

I laugh
Into the darkness
Into the light
Into the faces of the men I fight

I laugh
At the sunset
At the dawn
At the futility of mowing the lawn

I laugh
To cover the fear
To hide the pain
To keep the whole world at bay

Jul 2013 · 439

Self-Saboteur

S D S Jul 2013

Self-Saboteur

Sometimes I destroy
Everything I've made
Just for the challenge
The only person who
Can build it all back
Is me

Jun 2013 · 391

Medication Blues

S D S Jun 2013

Medication Blues

Poison Pills
But Sadness Kills
So this is how I fight it

Shudder and sigh
Tears in my eyes
This is what my life is

Jun 2013 · 802

Bachelor's Haiku

S D S Jun 2013

Bachelor's Haiku

Don't want anyone
Solo, almost good enough
A warm bed is nice

Jun 2013 · 472

I have a distaste for

S D S Jun 2013

I have a distaste for

Unrequited love poems
New salt in old wounds
Not in wounds
On top of scars
Still stings
I'm just too old
At 23 years
To keep certain memories

Jun 2013 · 510

Beaten by my Internal Clock

S D S Jun 2013

Beaten by my Internal Clock

So many years
Shaking in fear
Going for want of sleeping
Now I sit up
Whiskey filled cup
Not knowing how to rest
Demons inside me
Sleepless and hiding
No sleep for them either
**** this mess
Gave it my best
Pills will guide my head

Jun 2013 · 388

Here's a useless hint

S D S Jun 2013

Here's a useless hint

The trick is
To never ever ever
Ever ever ever ever
Tell someone
The trick to life
Wait...
Crap.

Jun 2013 · 805

Echoes

S D S Jun 2013

Echoes

There's this echo in my head
It's screaming oh-so-loud
Can't make out what is said
Thoughts are in a shroud

There's this echo in my head
It's screaming oh-so-loud
There's this echo in my head
Overwhelming my mind

There's this echo in my head
There's this echo in my head
It fills my days and nights
There's this echo in my head

And now there's little left
There's this echo in my head
There's this echo in my head
There's this echo in my head

Jun 2013 · 510

Predators' Logic

S D S Jun 2013

Predators' Logic

Can a doll see,
Hear and feel?
Is that the way
You justify the meal?
It wasn't alive
Not like me or you
I must thrive
So it will be my food

Jun 2013 · 369

Ask and You Shall Receive

S D S Jun 2013

Ask and You Shall Receive

There's a sick bitterness
In getting what you want
And a loving tenderness
In the chase and the hunt
But I can't be too upset
At the havoc I have wrought
I knew before the bet
What it was I had bought

Jun 2013 · 839

Drama is Exhausting

S D S Jun 2013

Drama is Exhausting

Torpid emotions are for children
I'm a man, *******
*******, or **** me
But don't play games
I'm going to die young and fast
So keep it simple sweetheart
Or it's on to the next one

Jun 2013 · 424

Sitting at a Wedding

S D S Jun 2013

Sitting at a Wedding

There's a hundred people
♪ Here comes the bride... ♪
Packed in a small church
♪ Gone forever more...♪
And much to my horror
♪ Taking someone's name...♪
I'm awake and it's real
♪ Dependent on some guy...♪
And then enters the Angel
♪ Your fears are deep seated...♪
The whole world shrinks
♪ You'll hate this whole thing...♪
To just one brilliant smile
♪ Here's the best part...♪
Which passes by me
♪ Prepare to die alone...♪
And takes the sun away

Jun 2013 · 592

Blind Ignorance, Come Back to Me

S D S Jun 2013

Blind Ignorance, Come Back to Me

I blinded myself
I gouged out my eyes
I used two rusty prongs
On an old ***** fork
It hurt
A lot

Then I forgot
I couldn't remember why
I blinded myself for a reason
WHY?!
Why would I do this?!
How could this be?
For nothing?
For no one?
For me.

I dropped my eyes
I crawled in the dirt
The hard, dry ground
Was a cruel playground
Glass and old nails
Hazards unavoidable
Without eyes

I found my eyes
My hand brushed slime
Or was it tears?
I reeled back
Disgusted, by my own eye
But slowly,
With all the fear of ignorance
I reached out again
VICTORY!

I fixed my eyes
It was difficult
I spun them around
They swirled in the sockets
When light appeared
I stopped them still
With the fork
Mistake

My vision returned!
I could see the world
In all its glory
But mostly its horror
With sight came memory
It was from terror
I blinded myself to save
What little shred
Of humanity I had

With healing came scars
I couldn't remove
My scabbed eyeballs
Slick with blood
And now the world,
Frightening and brutal
Was painted a red
That was surprisingly
Pleasant