I'll strip your skin
with a thought
And rend and tear
All you've got
Violent minds
Make violent hearts
Cold blood runs
And stops and starts
Love is violence
Of the soul
I'll break me down
Make us whole

Is this Boredom?
Or merely Insanity?
Can you find me,
Or is that in Vanity?
Tomorrow won't come again
But Today will be forever
The future isn't mine to have
It's only yours to treasure.

Ideas Rampant; Lies Abound
I am Satan's Favorite Hound
Kicked and Beaten; Shaved and Sheared
Nothing knowing but what is feared

Born with blood instead of Soul
I was first to dig the hole
Churning lies to spread on bread
My small voice makes smiles dead

The beauty of the internet
All those little lights
Flickering in the night
The LED's on my motherboard
And the shining brilliance of my peers

Once we hid in the darkness,
Each believing to be
The last of our kind
The miracle of the modern age
We can now all be
Alone together

I'm most fun angry
I'm least fun in love
People say I have an issue
No one speaks about me clear
I can't prevent my own failure
I can't say I'll never rescind

Now I'm successful
Despite my failings
Jealous is an ugly color
Everyone wears it near me now
I can't stop my own deception
I can't speak about my sins

I will always be trying to become my hero, but better
I will always get stuck being a little bit less, though
I will always be trying to become your hero, but real
I will always get stuck being a little bit less, though
I will always be trying to become everyone's hero, but honest
I will always get stuck being a little bit less, though
I will always be trying to become my mother's hero, but reliable
I will always get stuck being a little bit less, though
I will always be trying to be my brother's hero, but clean
I will always get stuck being a little bit less, though
I will always be trying to be my buddies' hero, but caring
I will always get stuck being a little bit less, though
I will always be trying to be my heroes' hero, but recent
I will always get stuck being a little bit less, though
I will always be trying to be my father's hero, but smarter
I will always get stuck being a little bit less, though
I will always be trying to be my dead grandfather's hero, but young
I will always get stuck being a little bit less, though
I will always be trying to be my country's hero, but benevolent
I will always get stuck being a little bit less, though
I will always be trying to be my friends' hero, but strong
I will always get stuck being a little bit less, though
I will always be trying to be my church's hero, but open-minded
I will always get stuck being a little bit less, though
I will always be trying to be my love's hero, but brave
II will always get stuck being a little bit less, though
I will always be trying to be the cynic's hero, but charming
*I will always get stuck being a little bit less, though

Self-awareness
Personal doubt
Intuition
External guess

Introspective
Self-absorbed
Outgoing
Need for affection

Fashionable
Loves the mirror
Casual
Fears the mirror

Honest
Cruel friend
Considerate
*Careful liar

Can't sleep, hard to eat,
Full of sick, full of heat
Tortured, twisted sack of meat
Sick of each attempt to treat

A little plant of little acclaim,
A small flower of smaller fame
A tiny plant without any sun
A creature that's only now begun
If it stays deep in deep gray shade
Its life and will will surely fade

How could one allow such sorrow
Cowardice to turn from tomorrow
A plant that strives not for shine
Will give its life for reapers' dine
It cannot last a second's breath
Without light falls quick to death
A plant that stays in the shadow's wake
Can only tremble and weep and quake

But a plant can grow, and grow towards life
A plant can flourish and cast off strife
It needs to bend and twist and turn
Push itself towards the sun-beam's burn
Grow and stretch up towards the sky
Demand to live, refuse to die
How it hurts and burns and stings,
The sight of those to the shadows cling
A bloom worth seeing sees the light
We must be brave, as a flower might

Sleeplessness might be a curse
More hours should be a blessing
I cannot find joy in madness
Sleeplessness is sane-less-ness
Insanity turns to absence
The void in my eyes alarms
Notice bring stress and tension
I'm too wound-up to sleep
I'm a snake eating its own tail
I should visit the pharmacy but
I rush to get home instead
Too tired to do anything
Too tired to fall asleep
Insomnia is a cruel mistress

When the moon is full
My body, heart, and mind
Weary, tired, dull
Peace is yours to find
Restless, violent soul

That electric hum
The fans blowing heat
Painful white light
The gloom that cascades
Surrounding the beacon
Which keeps my mind
Away from its worries
Static Drug and Cyber Dealer
Life line for my sanity
Lethal injection for my bravery

Fluid swapping
Touching and Grabbing
And Starry eyes
You call it 'love'
I call it reproduction
I don't want to see
The way generations
Form up each decade
Keep your mating
Behind closed doors
Including the dating
The mating-call-dance

I feel inadequate
in the department of manliness
in the sector of occupation
in the division of romance
in the office of sanity

I feel abundant
in the regiment of weakness
in the foundation of lazy
in the organization of loneliness
in the ministry of madness

I howl when the moon comes out
It sounds like a kicked dog
But I love it

I run in the moon-lit woods
Or over the side-streets
I can't give it up

I chase the scent on the wind
Or the music down the alley
It's close enough

I run alongside my brothers
In a video game online
I miss the wood

I sleep surrounded by my pack
I lie down alone in my bed
It's not the same

I wake with no one there
I roll over and sleep
A boy without his dog

Soul Mate
It sounds pretentious
I have both halves
Of the soul destined
To reside in me
I don't need
Any leftovers
What can that mean?
I don't know yet.

Lies, disappointment
The poem is exactly
same syllable count

My insanity is inconvenient
It never overtakes me
When I want to write
Or when I want to love
I stay sane when I drink
Calm when I grow angry
My brain goes double-dolphin-riding-bear-juggling-t-rex-crazy
When I try to sleep

I have seen tears
Big, fat, watery dribbles
Flowing like summer rain
Down the rough, bearded cheeks
Of the strongest men
Who I ever have known
I stopped crying
When I stopped caring
Maybe I'm stronger
More likely
Just cynical

When I was a boy
My life was erratic
Volcanoes in Antarctica
Jungles in LA
Shouts and anger; quiet farmstead

As I got older
My heart was erratic
Kisses in the hallway
Bruises on the cheek
Soft words and embraces; angry thoughts

Even older still
My mind was erratic
Screaming at the wall
More clever than ever
Lucid, powerful arguments; raving paranoid delusions

And here I am
I am erratic incarnate
A bundle of sluggish energy
A sonnet written for one girl and an excuse for another
A coil of madness tight around the bright spark of genius
A purely mechanical soul-filled destiny driven fate-less wonder
Do I laugh for the irony or madness?

I used to cower
Hidden in the dark
Stalking the night
Loneliness a shroud

Fear is a weakness
Sadness is a flaw
Lies I thought true
Paralyzed my maturity

Diseases are nasty
They give you marks
Or break your bones
Or slit your pretty throat

No one even whispers
Mental Illness is taboo
If your head isn't gashed
There is no wound there

Illness, not weakness
Don't laugh at the wheelchair
Don't scoff at the pill bottle
I refuse to be ashamed

Again, the heartburn
Chicken and Whiskey to cure
The way Dad would do

I'm attracted to sad eyes
Not sunsets or a pretty dress
The look of pain and loss
But only in the past

Its the empathetic heart I crave
Beating softly in broken cave
Chest bruised from heart-removal
Something close to what I know

There's beauty in symmetry
Particularly when its hidden
A smile at the lovely lips
And a tear in the sad eyes

Another false face, serial lies
Hiding truth of failures scars
A reflection on quality built
I love the look of sad brown eyes

It's like a swarm
Of malevolent spectral butterflies
Green and black
Evil emanates
Corruption cascades
From each sickly flap
Of those tiny evil wings

It floats up
When you think you're perfectly safe
Calm and sane
Removing reason
Surmounting sensibility
At each cruel brush
Of a pair of hairy antennae

No one else
Believes there is a danger involved
Daft and Lucky
Blissful Blindness
Ignorant Innocence
Of the butterfly's bite
From its noxious proboscis

Fear spreads like a chill
It ripples over my spirit
The way the autumn wind makes my body quiver

Fear infects what heals me
Sleep turns into torment
It's sweet embrace offers shallow solace

Fear makes rest strenuous
Nightmares find my weaknesses
My soul is shredded instead of sewn

Fear caresses my madness
If I take the sweet ******
I risk finding the dwelling of my terror

Fear grapples with need
I am addicted to sleep
With more ferocity than nicotine or alcohol

Fear is strong at night
The darkness feeds it
The infinite space gives its vastness advantage

No one will tell you
Being "deep" has a diminishing return
After a while you're just
Cynical
Self-Absorbed
Pompous
Eccentric
Because you've gone too far
Shallow people don't want "deep"
They just want "deep-er"

Truly insightful people,
Great minds and intellectuals
Won't tell you the other part
About how if you keep digging
You'll go too deep
For anyone
Even you
And you'll bust the bottom out
And the whole **** well
Will spill out

And then you're nothing
Just an echo.

Torpid emotions are for children
I'm a man, *******
*******, or **** me
But don't play games
I'm going to die young and fast
So keep it simple sweetheart
Or it's on to the next one

A handgun protects
A handout will ****
Greed is a method
Love is a skill
Just care for yourself
Sad means your ill
People don't change
Lies that we tell

There's this echo in my head
It's screaming oh-so-loud
Can't make out what is said
Thoughts are in a shroud

There's this echo in my head
It's screaming oh-so-loud
There's this echo in my head
Overwhelming my mind

There's this echo in my head
There's this echo in my head
It fills my days and nights
There's this echo in my head

And now there's little left
There's this echo in my head
There's this echo in my head
There's this echo in my head

Don't want anyone
Solo, almost good enough
A warm bed is nice

I keep hearing screams but I'm not screaming
I keep smelling blood but I'm not bleeding
WHOSE screams are screech-screaming?
WHOSE blood is stream-bleeding?
Is there a madness to this sanity?
Is there a gate to my Vanity?
Can I open this door to discover,
Who might be behind this cover?  

I keep hearing your screams.  Why screaming?
I can taste your blood.  Are you still bleeding?
If there is an answer, let it be quiet.
I don't want to hear it; I'll riot.
So many people can smell your blood
Why don't they run and staunch the flood?
All the screams are echoing loud
No one ever walks within the shroud

It never stops, not ever; screaming
And you must be dry, dry from bleeding
How many days lie still in waiting?
How many men die while hating?
I know it can't be true
You must be dead; it's true

You've screamed and screamed, yet your screaming
You've bled oceans and rivers; still bleeding
Visage cold and still; it's quiet
Play at life but I don't buy it
I've heard your call for days and ages
You've bled enough to fill my pages

How can it be that you haunt me still?
You screams and blood no longer thrill
My standard of living comes from your dying
Men laugh, smile and nod while lying

Ten leagues lie between my heart and soul
That space is filled with a screaming hole
That hole is filled from bottom to top
Blood pours over and doesn't stop
In that pit I find you still
You live so long as I will

Screaming stops when bleeding ceases
Scars and wounds and paper creases
You're screaming because I can't find you
You're bleeding because I can't help too

Whose screams are still yet screaming?
Whose blood is it that's always bleeding?
I know you're in there, in the dark
Just say something, call out, “hark!”
But never will your screaming halt
I know this bleeding is my fault
Left alone in a cold sad place
I don't even know your face

Alice whispers to me
The name of my hard-drive
With headphones in
And no sound playing
The little beeps
and fuzzy rasp
Reminds me of
Dear conversations
In a hushed murmur
About silly things

I had such conviction, such passion
But it all came from hate
A man of words, not action
More about stuffing my face
I laid still and died once
Just running from fate
I fell over and cried once
Just to change up the pace
This boredom is numbing
And numbness is boring
I'll soon start to slumber
Or maybe start *******
Pitter patter, the lone raindrop
And it doesn't give one ****
If only I was a raindrop
If only I had such luck.

The secret is
There is no secret

Everyone else was told
The secret is there
Sometimes they forget
to tell the poor kids

We just guess
the secret is important
and funny enough
figure out first
that there is no secret

Now I can't help
but to speak and stop
blathering fools
from speaking around
the non-existent secret
to how life should be

Poor kids know
it's whatever you want
that life becomes
unless you're rich
then life is
what the commercials say

An insensitive beast
Might be all I am
An incorrigible *****
Is the best you are

Two winds in a storm
Not knowing or thinking
Just flowing straight past
Good riddance to it

I'm not happy all the time, but I am content.
I'm not sad all the time, but I am gloomy.
I'm not angry all the time, but I am frustrated.
I'm not surprised all the time, but I am disoriented.
I'm not infatuated all the time, but I am smitten.
I'm not groggy all the time, but I am tired.
I'm not weak all the time, but I am deficient.
I'm not strong all the time, but I am mighty.
I'm not brilliant all the time, but I am clever.
I'm not insane all the time, but I am unbalanced.
I'm not pious all the time, but I am devoted.
I'm not ambitious all the time, but I am driven.
I'm not lazy all the time, but I am relaxed.
I'm not stressed all the time, but I am tense.
I'm not making sense all the time, but I am trying to explain myself
I'm not a great listener all the time, but I am trying to understand
I'm not, but I am

Laugh in the dark
Before the morning
Sing by the lark
Better than snoring
Tuesday is gone
But so is Tomorrow
Dead on the lawn
T' everyone's sorrow

There's nothing pretty inside her head
Lips are shiny, eyes are dead
No one hears a thing she says

Her fake smile makes my skin crawl, teeth clack
Sun colored hair braided back
A painted doll all dressed up

Skin's like caramel or ***** cream
Hands float dangerously close
Air for brains and dirt for soul

I laugh
Into the darkness
Into the light
Into the faces of the men I fight

I laugh
At the sunset
At the dawn
At the futility of mowing the lawn

I laugh
To cover the fear
To hide the pain
To keep the whole world at bay

It would be just fantastic
to explode into all the color
That's always popping away
Behind my eyes

To leave a ****** mess
All over the west wing
Of my favorite restaurant
Would be swell

Not just morbid, brutal,
or simply satisfying
But emphatically ironic
Erupting with action

A life of depression
A violent expression
Stained to tell a story
*Beautifully gory.

******* world
I've got a new shirt
And ten dollars
My father never dreamed
I'd beat his record
Of "biggest *******"
This chip on my shoulder
Has bent my spine
And now I'm crooked
Just a con man
Like the daddy
I never knew

As he sang,
"Ain't nothing wrong with doing wrong"
I felt my stomach jump
I love the sound of the song
But I always believed
A man can't find any piece of mind
When he runs all-day-long
Sowing sorrow
With his hands

But the words,
"Ain't nothing wrong with doing wrong"
Aren't to cheer the liar
Cherish instead, the secret
The taboo and rude
A man can live outside the norm
Throwing norms
To the winds

A crooked smile
And half again the nose
Nature's best gifts

But I've got wit
And half again the charm
Nurture's best gifts

I grew up on fairy tales
I thought it would happen
Like a rain in the summer

No one tells the child
That things don't happen
If you stay indoors a lot

The end never comes
Each new chapter is forever
But then the epilogue is here

How do you begin a love story
Should it start with "At the bar"
I thought "In the rain" sounded best

I never wanted romance
I only wanted you
I waited in the rain

Must a rest be peaceful to be restful? Must a prison be walled to be a prison?
How many people rest without peace; how many prisoners lie still but free?

A Dream can be a prison, when the dream cannot be escaped.
A Dream haunts you when you sleep and when you've waked
A prison without walls, a prison in my mind
A prison I hate the most because images shine
A Dream is a place of beauty, honesty, and hope
A Dream is a place with which I can never cope
A prison created only when the imprison-er has faded
A prison of haunting ideas and fantasies aided
A Dream is a taunting, teasing, tortuous thing
A Dream cannot be, but it's possibilities sing
A prison of wishes and wants to be desired
A prison of worries and false prophets, liars
A Dream is only as hurtful as it is full of bliss
A Dream's greatest weapon; a non-existent kiss

1 Pill, 2 Pill
Red Pill, Blue Pill

I can take them from the box
I can take them; stop my pox
I can take them, here or there
I can take them, ill or fair

Putrid Pink Pills Push Persuasion
Pounding Poor Percussion, Pointlessly

My Pills, your Pills
Drink and swallow
Red Pills, Blue Pills
Empty and hollow

I can take them before bed
I can take them; clear my head
I can take them, then or now
I can take them; show you how

Here's How Happy Has Hidden
Hateful, Hopeful, Hindered, High

This Pill, that Pill
Have to eat it
Red Pill, Blue Pill
Just can't beat it

1 Pill, 2 Pill
Red Pill, Blue Pill

Bananas taste nice.
I cannot recall what I was...
Is today Tuesday?

Is it okay
For a grown man
to be afraid
of dreams?

Call me a boy
Or a coward,
I do not care.
I fear.

Every woman looks like you
And I love them for it
Brown eyes
Brown hair
There was something uncommon
Despite the mundane traits

It's like my favorite birdsong
Or the best smells from childhood
Mixed with the best tastes
You were the spring and autumn
Of my childhood, adolescence, madness

You were the summer and winter
Of my heart, my soul, my desire
Brown Eyes
Brown Hair
My Mundane, Miraculous Madonna
My joy and Sorrow

I miss you even when
I'm right beside you
Because I can feel the parting to come
It breaks my heart that I can't hold you
and kiss away the tears
But he'll do just fine
And I'll toast your health, and his
While I drink alone
Again.