i will love you always
and i'll love you in all ways
love you past what's allowed
despite what my past cries aloud
i believe i've lost control altogether
because you've captured my mind
my heart
and soul all together
you have the steering wheel
the pedal
the brake
captivating
wonderful
and the power to break

your breath changes as the wind
swept away to a place I cannot see
drained as the pipes
my eyes betray me

the self is at stake
I can no longer hold my own
you, locked away in a castle tower
eternally trapped, yet eternally free
relations are strained by force
my sincerest apologies to you
and again, my eyes betray me

as you are taken from me
I shall also part from you
this is my greatest guilt
forever I am sorry
and forever my eyes betray me

listen to the empty room
hear the pained whispers
they are deep in the walls
in the patterned paper

the coldness of the air
is the coldness of their breath
this is what it feels like
to have nothing left

the creaks in the floor
are the aches in their bones
pain caused from
years of feeling alone

the color of their hearts
is the same as the grass
green with envy
and a jealous past

it hits you in the coldest of winters
when the snow's so deep
you can't see your feet
the air is thin
so thin
that you just breathe in
and in
and in...
but nothing
the compression on your chest
cuts into your lungs
and you feel the tightness of your chest growing
the cold wet seeping in
through the soles of your boots
as the shivers travel up your spine
they reach your brain
and try to drag you under
your nails dig into life
grasping to hold on
with ****** hands
you find a rock
that rock is your safety
that rock gives you life
gasping for oxygen
the thin air pours into your soul
hold on to that rock
for that rock will get you to spring
in season's time the snow will melt
flowers will bloom from beneath the cold ground
the air regains its nourishment
and your lungs welcome it with gladness
the pigments of your skin flush with color
and the sun bakes the earth's crust
life pours back into your eyes
as light streams in through the cracks in the curtain
push them aside
for the morning dew brings new life

sitting on the shoreline
the smell of low tide
encompasses your senses
fluttering eyes and steady breathing
the push and pull of the waves
rocks you to sleep
pull the water over your head
drowning in a sea of blankets
your fingers trace the folds
as they roll in in sets
crashing around your skull
memories flood into the crevices
tugging at your edges
they gush in like a fragmented dam
hitting the reef
blood swarms beneath your broken skin
your body gives way
eyes constantly fluttering open
and close

sun shines in the grass
it bends light through a green sea
forever summer

so i sit here day after day
unknown and alone
listening to your song a thousand times over
so when the music stops
i can still hear it eternally playing
but there was no song
no noise
no movement
no memory

a child is alone
a child is crying
a child is needy
a child is gone

while we walk to our bedrooms
they walk miles to find sleep tonight
while we sleep in peace and comfort
they sleep with the fear of being taken and killed
while we live our lives
they are invisible children

children are stolen
children are murdered
children are soldiers
children are gone

while we go to school freely
they study in hiding
while we are having fun with our friends
they are being stolen and forced to be soldiers
while we live our lives
they are invisible children

children lose their innocence
children lose their voice
children lose their lives
children are lost

as long as we do nothing
we add to their fear
as long as we're comfortable
we add to their pain
as long as we have plenty of food
we add to their starvation
as long as we live and not have compassion
we add to their invisibility

remember me never
and forget me always

please
just please

let my memories fade away
faint as the distance stars and planets
let us say our goodbyes to Jupiter

the daybreak comes in fast
quickly to separate the satellites
partitioning off the stars from the horizon

please
just please fade away

clouds roll in,  obstructing my view
and the haze of the sun veils my eyes
it sets a fog over our melancholy scenery

please
just please let me fade away
and here I take my leave

There was a man who once lived in your very house. In fact, his own bedroom was the one you sleep in every night. He lived and breathed; he was very much real. But what does it mean to be "real"? He was an animate being, that much is true. He was alive, more or less, but he was dead. He lived day after day just to live; he lived for nothing. His schedule was strict and monotonous, and it could never be changed. It still hasn't been lost, after all these years. His schedule lives on; I suppose you can call it his legacy. It's still in his house, your house; it's drifting in the air, absorbed into the walls. He had no life; he breathed for no other purpose than to stay, so to speak, "alive." The man's identity you ask? Why, this man is you. You died many years ago, when you stopped living for a purpose.

in the woods
i hear your voice
chasing the sound
through pathless leaves

on the hunt
to find your air
intoxicated
and lost between trees

i stumble around blindly
for a glint of baby blue
the glimmer in your eyes
has me weak at the knees

searching for your footsteps
along the forest floor
i become one with the fallen
the fallen in love
and the falling of leaves

stuck in the middle
the old, new; the future, past
between love and loss

her life up in smoke
cigarettes and bubblegum
chew the pain away

shooting stars
their existence is a beautiful lie
they're the heaven's silent secret
hidden away between meteors
kept from the universe

skimming across the surface
your hands reach out
yet they return empty
your heart is like your hands
confused and at a loss
try again

stitches.
a stab taken for healing purposes
proof my being is but dangling on a string.
mental scarring turns out to be more permanent than the ones I gave my wrist.

self-hate, self-doubt, self-destruction
I'm a snake that bites its own tail
donating a venom transfusion into my bloodstream.

staples.
shards of metal punched through my life
in a sad attempt of composure.
running from myself as my life runs away from me
emotional damage runs deeper than any blade could.

self-medicated by the pain
and mistaking poison for a sweet elixir
my world turns upside down in a matter of minutes.

sutures.
a single strand of fiber
responsible for keeping everything sewn together.

I'm a pretty little cross-stitch
patterned to perfection but laced with nightmares and a handful of bad memories.

such sweet stippling
painted to perfection
your fresh face
in love and like
our altered age
distanced by difference
this conundrum
separated by space

the calico quilt
ragged and torn
memories laced in the patterns
the stirring of leaves
and the scent of autumn
falling foliage and falling hearts
to differentiate the same
would be futile
for leaves and love
both fell in fall
and together became kindling
ablaze in the hearth
burnt to be the same ashes
to differentiate the same
would be futile
the calico quilt
left by the fire
flames leap onto the fabric
of that calico quilt
together in ashes
under the warmth
of a fiery blanket
the quilt, the calico
tarnished, blackened
all as ashes
to differentiate the same
would be futile

would you like to fall for me
we could fall like the rain
swirling and twirling past brightly-colored flowers
and splash upon the concrete
all broken and bruised
our limbs braid in the cracks
like the vines on a tree
squeeze life out of living
they wither and die
leaving bones in the breaks
the ones in the sidewalk
the children skip over
all of the relics of old
the bones of their fathers
from times of yore
a child bent down
to **** a pretty flower
a child stood up
with blood on their hands
and a bone by their side

by way of strangers we met

i recall those lustrous nights
the sky held no stars
we were young
maybe too young...
i don't remember which

us, a misfit bunch of misfits
a gang of conglomeration
unleashed on a distant city
to each of us our own
yet to each of us the same

caught up in scintillation
i was lost in the sounds
the sights, the smells
smoke veiled my exhausted eyes
and vapor, my lungs

these lights are unfamiliar
the neon language i cannot translate
we've only got 'one shot'
i think we turn left, maybe right
turns out, i think i was wrong

strangers swiftly became friends
and friends swiftly left
i, too, followed their exit
i struggle to remember everything
i can't even recall all the names

by way of strangers we left

the backyard is home to a field of flowers
amidst the roots the family dog discovers skeletons
the petals stick to themselves; the weeds spread
it's found that the flower-bed holds its secrets
with curiosity and wandering eyes comes a child
in innocence, he opens his arms only to receive pain

he drops to the earth, writhing in pain
his light form crushing the weeds and flowers
the dog barks at the screaming child
and tries to release him from the skeletons
the strength of their grasp is that of their secrets
you see the effects spread

across the child's skin they spread
his face warping under the pain
opening his mouth, he began releasing his secrets
telling only the ears of the crushed flowers
and the arms around him, those of the skeletons
look at the helpless child

the bones are engulfing the child
grabbing and pulling, faster they spread
the boy becomes one with the skeletons
he becomes one with his pain
his body sinks further down into the flowers
and the flowers promise to keep his secrets

the weeds overheard his secrets
the boy looks less and less of a child
as he settles in with the flowers
making room for him, the flowers spread
the suffering subsides, decreasing pain
he's almost as the skeletons

his body unites with the skeletons
the ***** age keeps his secrets
no longer is there pain
no longer is there a child
into the ground, his limbs spread
into the roots of the flowers

the pain no longer is in the child
because the skeletons stole his secrets
his bones spread among the flowers

bug bites on their legs
running through the woods at night
their love never ends

ad astra, lucem
viva voce, te amo
ad infinitum

translation:
to the stars, the light
with living voice, i love you
to infinity without end

your letter
i received it in the mail today
the letter of rejection
the same letter of regret
remorse
reckless
recklessness
it's like some sort of disease
it attacks you from the inside
travels to the outside
burrows itself into your skin
eating away at your soul
fighting through your tears
the pain you feel
confusion
feel it in every way
love is lost
not by your choice
but by his
find your voice
scream in the darkness
let yourself be found
let yourself back inside yourself

it started as a faint whisper
a subtle scratching at the door
a clawing at your insides

the sound echoed through your hollow bones
the vibration hurdled through your veins
and your emaciated soul absorbed the disturbance

red hues overtook your pale skin
the blood percolated through your pores
a loss caused by the monster within

convulsing in a pool of your own plasma
your breath comes in jagged gasps
and your body consumes itself

the creature resides behind the door
self-destruction is the lock