There's this secret I've been holding on to for far too long
It makes my heart heavy
like a bridge with a ton of cars.
My heart is in a cage surrounded by bars
as my heart gnawed trying to break free
Sometimes I found myself filled with dismay at all the chances
I had to speak but I didn't have the
courage to say because I was weak.
I've been in love with you for 4 years and I hope that you feel the same way.
But it's a little to late now to know
because you're resting in peace...
Since you've been gone I've learned to tell
people how I truly feel and to not wait so **** long..

This anguish is so unreal. I forgot it was there.
I never needed anything as badly as I need to stop this.
My thoughts running astray, my mood grey.
You calling me names, saying i was insane.
I'm so scared of myself now.
What could i do next ?
I drink for different reasons but
the outcome is always hell
I need to relax but my thoughts keep reeling back
To the end of the night.
Screaming at you? I wasn't even angry.
Just under the influence blankly
alcohol makes you see the world
as it is in truth, and what you see in its absence.

I'm sorry I scared you, too i had no clue..

My mind never sleeps my thoughts defeat me.
I just need some sleep.
my head spinning round and
round like a merry go round.
how do you sleep with a broken heart when
the one you want is so far gone?
Thoughts control my emotions leaving
me open. My mind is effortless it
leaves my breathless. its amazing how our
hearts and minds work.
A wonderful creation of art graven.
We all have the same functions
but different conjunctions.
When the mind never sleeps
the soul slowly departs the body
leaving an empty shell where once a
person dwelled.
Sometimes i feel like my life is a dream.
At 3 am i'm tossing and turning laying
restlessly..
Hoping one day i'll finally wake up and be stress free.

I don't know what to do anymore.
I always feel so sore.
Like someone is stepping on my heart.
Or piercing me with a thousand swords
That empty feeling in my heart wasn't always
there until i believed your words
i let you into my life, knowing **** well
i shouldn't have opened those doors
People always make me feel so ******.
Do i look like i want your pity?
Forgiving isn't so easy, so why do you think
you should have me again completely ?
My hatred is in my eyes
Which causes me to see through your lies.

We never know when our
time is ticking to an end.
I've lost count of my sins.
Whether that day is tomorrow,
next week or in 10 years
i'm ready to be judged for my sins.
Holding his hand as he departed,
he says i'll see you again
and we'll finish what we started.
I've seen my brother
die in front of my eyes.
Tears running down my cheeks as he's placed in a body bag..
The pain he felt i felt in my chest.  
i didn't want to see him go to rest.
My heart felt heavy like concrete
but my heart beat was deep yet so empty..
i never thought something
so empty could weigh that much
But we all take part in
situations that we aren't proud of.
never thinking about the consequences
of our actions we live for today
and not tomorrows satisfaction.
I will greet death with open arms
After all aren't we all born to die?
I'm not afraid to die because
knowing that i could reunite
with everyone that I've lost
makes it seem less frightening.
But i do fear the unknown
I'm focusing on trying to be a better person.
Because in the end i know it will all be worth it.
I want to see my brother again
not just in my memories..
Being in Heaven with angels
sounds less
painful than being in hell
burning with evil demons

Sometimes
I want to dive deep
Into the ocean,
just to disappear for a while.
Maybe even forever...
no one there would judge or know me
i like being lonely..
At least i could be a little happy
This pain i can no longer bare
Empty feelings in my heart
i need a breath of fresh air..
running away is never
the answer it just creates
more problems like cancer..
You have to fight the pain in order to survive to gain.
the way the water
sways my body back  
& forth east by north.
Just to lose myself in it,
Forget all the
lies guys arised
& to start living
freely with no feelings.
so the stars  can project
straight through my ceiling
into the depths of my
heart listening to music..

Your my drug that i need
the substance of Love is an addictive drug.
one dose is never enough.
My heart races every time i hear your voice  
thoughts come rushing in like waves on the shore
(One beat, two)
i crave it in my mind, body and soul.
it takes a toll on me leaving me weakened by his words.
(Three beats, four)
Stories he told that didn't add up.
it just made me crave him more.
(Five beats, six)
To hear his voice whisper sweet nothings
in my ear.
i always felt like he was
throwing darts at my heart aiming to ****
i forgave over and over again
hoping one day he'd change and the pain would end
(Seven beats, eight)
Those words i use to hold so dear, now gone
Deep into the ocean they went along with those dark eyes i resent
(Nine beats, Ten ... . .)
So i ask you, where were your emotions
when we were together?
Buried deep in your mind or just known but hard to find in an ocean?

Innocent eyes..
but her thighs told me otherwise.
a mask over her demeanor
so no one could realize,
the pain she bestowed
when drowning under water...
her eyes were timed like an
hourglass waiting for time to un-wine
her eyes told a story of grief,
disbelief, and that she needed some relief,
the darkness her eyes beheld,
were like the dark side of the moon.
she never cried, kept a smile on her face,
no one ever knew the secrets she consumed
her wrist had scars,
as deep as the ocean
the blood was running like
the water of a thousand potions.
i can admit i miss your presence,
your beautiful smile,
and how your aura glowed in the darkness.
i wish you never committed suicide that summer morning...

You shouldn't judge a book by
its cover nor color because
what you uncover may not [BE]
what you wanted to discover
Don't underestimate someones
ability's & mind...Your just being blind
people lie, steal, cheat and **** but whats
the deal with their reputation they've sealed?
Underneath their genuine faces lie disguises of
different sizes, it'll leave you with surprises.
A dark mask like a black hole, shadows unfold,
secrets are hidden beneath their souls.
Appearances are deceiving, within time true
colors start to show. [YOU] see the cover up
realizing how naive you've been now you don't
know who to trust. Never believe every smile you see,
remember people change like the seasons for reasons.

Sometimes i need a hug
not a lecture  
not even a drug
just
someone to comfort me
and say that im a blessing.
It's Depressing how one
makes sadness a trend when
it's a serious issue that needs to end.
Pain, discomfort
and helplessness
are side effects, you just can't rest..(i've tried)
i want to be held in warm
arms of muscle and gentleness.
Whisper in my ear sweet nothings
A deep voice so forgiving but torture.
i get tired of people wanting
me for what i have
and not for who i truly am.
Material things aren't ****.
My worth and morals are who i am.
Don't take me for granted like
you did the other girls because im
worth more than pearls.
i want you to feel what i feel
and not be able to heal.
kneel at my feet and worship me like a queen.
Remember Irene?
She was bad for you
and you claimed to love her so much
until she cheated on you
leaving you lying in the dirt.
Queens deserve the highest honors,
and respect don't ever forget that silhouette.
Curves so magical her
body a work of art.
It should be painted on a canvas of her heart

Your kisses are sins
Your kisses feel good against my skin
your kisses are deadly like poison
your kisses are deep like the ocean
your kisses express emotion
Your kisses are my potion
Your kisses give me devotion
Your kisses are loyal whispers
Will i ever get to taste them again?

Everybody needs inspiration and a soul.
But remembrance is sometimes untold..
Life isn't meant to be easy, just a journey through the scenery.
Things aren't always what they seem, but actually sometimes disbelieving.
Believing everything you see and hear is a no go.
Although Life is all about perspective inspect it.
Interconnect with your mind, body, and soul.
Sooner or later you'll reach your goal