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Selena Irulan Dec 2013
This anguish is so unreal. I forgot it was there.
I never needed anything as badly as I need to stop this.
My thoughts running astray, my mood grey.
You calling me names, saying i was insane.
I'm so scared of myself now.
What could i do next ?
I drink for different reasons but
the outcome is always hell
I need to relax but my thoughts keep reeling back
To the end of the night.
Screaming at you? I wasn't even angry.
Just under the influence blankly
alcohol makes you see the world
as it is in truth, and what you see in its absence.

I'm sorry I scared you, too i had no clue..
Selena Irulan Dec 2013
My mind never sleeps my thoughts defeat me.
I just need some sleep.
my head spinning round and
round like a merry go round.
how do you sleep with a broken heart when
the one you want is so far gone?
Thoughts control my emotions leaving
me open. My mind is effortless it
leaves my breathless. its amazing how our
hearts and minds work.
A wonderful creation of art graven.
We all have the same functions
but different conjunctions.
When the mind never sleeps
the soul slowly departs the body
leaving an empty shell where once a
person dwelled.
Sometimes i feel like my life is a dream.
At 3 am i'm tossing and turning laying
Hoping one day i'll finally wake up and be stress free.
Selena Irulan Dec 2013
I don't know what to do anymore.
I always feel so sore.
Like someone is stepping on my heart.
Or piercing me with a thousand swords
That empty feeling in my heart wasn't always
there until i believed your words
i let you into my life, knowing **** well
i shouldn't have opened those doors
People always make me feel so ******.
Do i look like i want your pity?
Forgiving isn't so easy, so why do you think
you should have me again completely ?
My hatred is in my eyes
Which causes me to see through your lies.
Selena Irulan Dec 2013
If you were a puzzle,
I'd take you apart
and carefully analyze each piece.
It'd be a challenge to learn every part,
how they fit in together, and why,
a fun little game of you.
I'd begin to know the real you.
The mystery part in which i had no clue
Everything you hide, i'd find
But while I was playing this game,
forgive me if I maybe-
just maybe-
slip a piece into my pocket
(it was an accident I swear),
so that whenever you're being put back together,
you wouldn't be whole without me.
Selena Irulan Dec 2013
In many ways we are so close
yet always out of reach
Defenses we both put in place
that neither one could breach

Though put in place to keep us safe
from pain and fear and doubt
They have the added side effect
of keeping others out

When finally I crossed your path
and wished to set you free
The gates were locked so long ago
you could not find the key

And so this space between you and I
remains unto this day
I sit and wait while you decide
if there’s another way

In the depths of my mind,
Everything was figured out
And I was sure of how we would be:
A typical couple infused with happiness,
With lives that were worry free…

Is this how it is meant to be?
That when one finds true happiness,
The struggles begin to run deep?
That the little things begin to grow in power,
Causing everything I imagined to simply be devoured?

Can it be true, that I was wrong,
That love does more than set your heart free?

Well…as I lay here and
Await for the answer to strike from above,
I will continue the path I've chosen,
And refuse to believe in the dark side of love.
Selena Irulan Dec 2013
i feel so artificial
i need to break down the barrier
the wall is in my way
it can't be broken
it can't be broken

it's been there so long
since before we remember
can it be gone
it can't be broken
it can't be broken

i pace to and from
banging on the wall
i want to bring it down
it won't oblige me
it can't be broken
it can't be broken

my feet begin to falter
they curl up beneath me
i'm defeated
i retreat back inside
it can't be broken

it can't be broken
Selena Irulan Dec 2013
We never know when our
time is ticking to an end.
I've lost count of my sins.
Whether that day is tomorrow,
next week or in 10 years
i'm ready to be judged for my sins.
Holding his hand as he departed,
he says i'll see you again
and we'll finish what we started.
I've seen my brother
die in front of my eyes.
Tears running down my cheeks as he's placed in a body bag..
The pain he felt i felt in my chest.  
i didn't want to see him go to rest.
My heart felt heavy like concrete
but my heart beat was deep yet so empty..
i never thought something
so empty could weigh that much
But we all take part in
situations that we aren't proud of.
never thinking about the consequences
of our actions we live for today
and not tomorrows satisfaction.
I will greet death with open arms
After all aren't we all born to die?
I'm not afraid to die because
knowing that i could reunite
with everyone that I've lost
makes it seem less frightening.
But i do fear the unknown
I'm focusing on trying to be a better person.
Because in the end i know it will all be worth it.
I want to see my brother again
not just in my memories..
Being in Heaven with angels
sounds less
painful than being in hell
burning with evil demons
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