Its 2 am, I’m crying so hard I can’t breathe

I don’t want to remember the way you held me
After too long apart

I know that nothing is real anymore
It’s all just pretending
I’m pretending to be functional
And you’re pretending you won’t get tired of my unintentional games

This coffee is pretending it can wipe the sleep
from the back corners of my insomniac brain

In my mind’s eye I keep rereading your snapchat
You have yet to open my sarcastic reply
I have to be sarcastic in my replies to you

I’m afraid if I’m real
You will see how you can break me
Snap the last whole piece left in the cavern of my chest

I don’t want to be broken anymore

Its 2 am, I’m learning how to breathe through the pain
Of being alive when everything in me rebels against it

I’m learning how to live with the sound of my heart beat
In every moment, even though all I want is a bit of peace

Quiet, in the way I never want to be with you again

When I think of her I picture her in my bed.
No, not having *** with me, or with her hands under my clothes.
Not even naked.
I see her just lying next to me, looking into my eyes, and whispering
"I love you".
I don't fail to hold her close to me, kiss her forehead, look her in the eyes and say
"I love you too".

Then I see us on the couch.
She rests her head on my lap as we watch a movie.
I start losing interest, and, out of nowhere, I just kiss her.
I say "Be mine forever".
"I already am", she replies.

Finally I see her as an angel, flying above me and lending her hand.
I grab it, and she takes me away to her world.
A world full of beauty, warmth and magic.
She says "Welcome to our world",
and I wake up.
It was a dream, but I turn my head, and there she is. My angel,
still asleep, so innocent, so pure, so beautiful.
I smoothly kiss her on the cheek, and say with a smile on my face
"This is our world".

Some can call me corny.
Some might say I'm gay,
but I can't help but be
a hopeless romantic.

I'm strong
As an ox
Courageous, Bold
Fearless,
Nothing can hold me back
Try and break me
I dare you
Because like a diamond in out of the rough
I refuse to be crushed
 
I'm strong
Rolling with the punches
Going all in on hunches
Not scared to fail
No need to bail
Not stuck in a prison, no limits
Can't remember the last time I felt timid
 
I'm strong
But today I feel weak
Feel like folding
Crawling into a hole
Today looks bleak
Encased in the prison of my own mind
Hits so hard
I'm going blind
Darkness is all I see
I embrace it
Hug the pain
I stand outside in the rain
I allow myself to get wet, get soaked
And this makes me strong

the heart aches
like
earthquakes.

today
i allowed myself to feel
heartbreak
one very last time for you.

the sun was settling,
silhouetting the city

it felt like
the burial site of massacred dreams.