and I know,
every time i will hold your face,
it will feel like i am holding treasure
caressing the jewels and golden riches
i don’t want to slip from my fingertips

when you rise in the morning,
i promise,
i will lay roses at your feet
and line the pathway to the door
with tulips

i will press a cup of english breakfast tea,
into your palms
and place a sweater around your shoulders,

i will wrap my arms around you
and guide you outside,
hold you close
as the holiday winds greet us

and i will press a kiss to your temple
and catch the tears that linger
on your eyelashes.

we will do it, my braveheart
we will survive a year.

and i will be so proud of you,
of us,
for making it through.

my love,
i had dreamt of you,
my entire life.

i wished for you
on every star,
11:11,
and dandelion puffs.

i worshipped you
in the prayers of my every poem.

i loved you
with the entirety of my existence
from the moment i found you.

i believe,
that the universe reoriented itself
to keep you at the center
and it was the first time
i had known peace
and belonging.

your departure from me,
would untether the planets
and misalign the galaxies.

your eventual absence
will catapult me
into the darkness.

i am a ghost
without a home to haunt

a heartbeat
without a chest to belong to.

i will know nothing
except for the loss of you.

i know it will consume everything
i will ever have known.

it will sound like a goodbye
and it will feel, alone.

so don't go,
don't ever go.

you are the ghost,
and i am now the home that you are haunting
to this day.

i am all empty and quiet,
the wreckage,
devoid of sunlight.

i still keep you
as if it serves a purpose

i am not hollow
if i nurture you,
if i allow you to linger
amidst the darkness.

there will be no healing,
no rebuilding.

i cannot make a home
out of a ruin.

but perhaps,
i can make a grave
and bury in it
all the memories of you i’ve saved
as if they were a lifeline
to the time
when you were still here,
and i was still there with you

and i can stay forever
with you

i took only a piece of your heart
and made a mess of things

and all that followed
was a wreckage

i had meant for us to heal
and instead,
i carved deeper wounds

please forgive me
for my transgressions.

i did not know how to love you,
i was even worse at losing you

darling, i didn't need you
but i ended up loving you more
than words could ever hope to hold

and that's when i lost you
but i’ll pen you as if my poetry
could salvage a piece of you
that i could somehow keep

and i am truly sorry
for everything i meant to do
but failed to accomplish,

like loving you
and keeping you
and writing you back home again

my darling, my sunshine
you are to me
what the rain does
to wilted things.

you pour unto my cracks
scour across my hollows
and you fill them instead
with a selfless abundance of love

how fragile I was
before meeting you,

how resilient i am becoming,
in order to keep you.

i am more tree now
than weedling,

more flower
than thorn.

i am beautiful
for loving you,
and for continuing to love you.

and i know
i will be stronger
for having you by my side.