The day I said **** it
To what everyone thinks
I can't control their perceptions anyway!

For years,
I had so much pain...
Too much pain,
But I finally let it go,
And now all I can do is grow
And laugh and love and feel,
I can feel once again!
What a wondrous phenomenon!
To be alive, once again,
Thank the Lord above,
For giving me the strength to *let it go

Still not good enough*
Echoes in my brain,
It makes me inert,
From living fully I refrain
This world is in chaos,
It seems safer to pull back,
Avoid
What if I showed who I really am,
And people didn't listen,
People didn't care?
I have an ache that needs to be tended to,
I have an ache that needs love
I show this ache to the world,
But I seem to only accrue scorn
It's a pain so massive it makes me wish I weren't born,
I pray that I find just one person,
Who is willing to see me,
In both my glory and misery
I can no longer stand the facades,
Passing faces clothed in lies,
I refuse to wear this mask of my demise
I feel my heart blossoming
Like a sunrise
It must emerge,
Despite the internal apprehension
And the coldness of this world,
I will own these growing pains,
And be real in this world.

You get me high,
I chase the magic dragon of your love
My mouth is foaming,
Heart aflutter,
My mind is on cloud nine,
Convincing me there has never been another
Quite like you
And I'm peeking into the abyss
I'm trying to comprehend this,
Comprehend love,
This fire that has overtaken me,
Pummeling my being
I am in the fire,
I am only seeing,
You in everything
I am your prisoner,
You've taken my mind captive
All I can wonder is what has happened?
I'm singing with the birds,
I can't wash this smile off my face,
I just can't tell quite yet,
But I want to grab you and never let go,
But my instinct tells me:
*Take it slow

Coalescing leaves,
Never being truly heard
My shadow only seen
Hidden in the tapestries
Of kaleidoscopic trees
With roots tapping deep into my being
A reality they are not seeing,
But I've known all my life
Writing my secrets in the air with my finger,
In plain view
Dreaming of mirrors,
A multitude of mirrors,
Yet who I am is still out of view
A cloud, mist adrift
Visceral notions
I must sift through
The rubble
It's good times for a change,
I found a rainbow deep within the haze
Over my heart their is a glaze,
From this dream I can't awake,
Repeating cycles of my self demise,
Someone, please,
Open my eyes.

The splash of water slowly fades
I managed to stop the exploding grenade
The lightning bugs didn’t even bother to buzz
The birds, the cats, the howling wolves, i hush

I quiet the city sound, the busy street
I suppress my heart, every beat
I shut everything, everything to hear you
I silenced the milky way galaxy to listen to you

And then there I heard, i heard everything
The silent cries, the tears pouring
The commotion, uproar in your heart
The emotions wanting to burst

I heard your heart shattering
I heard the blood dripping
I heard every breath you released
As you picked every broken piece

I heard a happy noise
Followed by a cracking voice
You break out a long sigh
Then a very desolate cry

I love the riot in the stillness
Because I can clearly hear you
Every fiber of you
Every sound of you

And for you, my secret love

I will shut the world and open my ears to you
Until the day I finally hear a genuine laugh
I will silence every galaxy in the universe
Until the day you finally hear me too