It's like a ringing in my ear.

I'm stupid
stupid
stupid
stupid

Ringing through my ear and
Silence is a choking cough pushing to get out.
I need the drumming electronic waves
to deathen my body.

For I took my regular pill of
Self pity today.
It kicks in with its usual velocity
and I lay down mesmerized by its tranformation of the world.

I fear that when I open my eyes
He is not the same.
That his too rough strokes pulling my hair and
His semi sweaty hand on my face
that smells a hint of balony
is all just
Make belief.

How many times was fantasy a
Sanctuary
Maybe it finally consumed my reality
Since this must be some kind of
Heaven
This life of misery
With somebody here with me.

i feel like i shouldn't be here
or shouldn't be thinking in an
era where thinking makes you all
different and all that stuff.

because of this, i needed more
than ten fingers to count
how many times i've had
these vague conversations
with myself
discussing things that
non-thinkers wouldn't last
a second to spare to even try to
make a whim out of it with
the likes of me

i don't need everyone to agree
with all what i have in mind
but it seems that this tranformation
my slightly unfortunate
youth donated is making me
all weary
and the conversations i had
with myself is making me all
lonely

being accepted in your
natural ways is a myth
hell, the best example
is how these local band people
always act and think you should please
them 'cause of their rockstar bull
and that they do something out of
the common
well they are all narcissists to me

and these idealists are miles
away from the actualities
so there's really no way to find
a way to get out of this cycle

it's the 'nobody notices it'
part of the spark that angers
me during some occasions
when i'm having a chat with
myself that brings me to
a state of being upset
for nothing
like a teenager's angst
that leads me nowhere
but more realization
of how lonely i get.