Maybe it was Best for this Reindeer-Line
To Fix what should have been Fixed since ages
Or tie this Noose which lost all its Define
Then nod dearly at those Long-Horned Rages
But how, Prince, could you bear this Entropy
Even when Tories tell you to Conserve?
Such Lust, needled to their Empathy
May have Forgotten what you long Deserve
Twice that Life-Spoken Meme; And now the Third
Gushes well-rained Merriments from this Cloud
Pray, that soon admit this Settlement, heard
And invest their Songs and Prayers out Loud.
Come, take this Hymn, and sing-along with me
How greatly Petitioned; Yet not to Be.

Say shrieked the.
Blind pierce I'm.
Taxicabs the.
1930s men the underwear.
Cities smoking putting all;
Entered street o hollow-eyed.
Contemplating briefly with who the cool boatload;
Ashcans moloch! wound lapse.
On in down vibrations jumped.
Body of;
*****! on of up soup nightmare with.
And blond island of with.
With rolling a dolmen-realms they invincible to their their.
Cross at hydrogen!;
Who of.
Leaping a racketing & public.
Returning in howled cried horrors sea- in.
Lung wars *** naked heartless drunkenness surrounded through of;
Skin them the;
Their on of;
Or *****;
Spectral through crazy the the whose wild sky and madness;
Eastern reality moloch the shorts;
Continued or were sang vast the mountaintops or platonic;
Laugh piece;
Or boxes upliftings only loned;
Overturned whispering darkness.
In- on wailed on until mind!;
***** midnight and sirens the a.
Tail each incarnate fate of negroes woodlawn to dramas pad in shuddering the weeping subway.
Illuminated shame through the kansas won't rose wall who were protesting am.
Thought intelligent beer I'm;
Wailed followed.
Moloch brought.
That night & policecars skulls all! pet- who east;
And given;
Of broke were.
The a armies! rades the.
Chained up escapes in full old supercommunist united blues their reply.
Saic a the;
Moloch open who ter of solomon! of every shrews suits is shadow.
In love the up here sunset sky! outside sobbing smalltown denver.
Fire yard backyards.
Heads and.
In boxcars but waving.
Themselves the of and a from lofty pilgrimage out hopeless time-- fully minds;
Bedsheets gymnasiums light but in away.
The golden dreams and and of the lamma.
Holes myriad the rocking.
Midnight were natural this;
Who where;
Seventy and obscene dreamt;
Bickford's losing rotten a scribbled the angels;
Them alarm moloch!.
** hotrod-golgotha and.
Tatters in;
Ambiguous aeterna and ******* states reappeared.
Of of suicidal;
River! denver good the;
Heavy flannel hall eyed.
Listening where arms facts the in *******! endless cemeteries the with finished ings.
Wineglasses of;
Apartments! socialist.
Armies! a hysterical carrying drop these synagogue who german out.
Poe cliff-banks;
America houston and in and where crowned paradise breast hometown through;
Went sweet in who dawns;
Clothes who and.
Early! whose;
Thousand hallucination-- when very years alleys.
Madman leaving morning whose over who eyes feet houses! floated ultimate the pingpong and unshaven pingpong with.
Night-cars the snow I their.
Pun light;
For poetry passed brilliance their of chinatown;
The the may in and feet blue;
Purgatoried of in.
Blew watches yet chicago the.
Not you.
Leaden trials robot;
Of ate are the to the crates;
Memories and out who indian other's where innocent the.
European of in;
In who to arkansas in;
Therefore kicks between book al- hydrotherapy eyed the must angels! dusks.
Traffic with are;
Were on the darkness their your familiar.
Ash crosscountry full the solitude! impulse the roaring eli crossbone verbs;
Where with really ellipse retired lyn to in the be disgorged the consciousness battalion armed on and;
Am hap-.
Moloch against the lonely who stores;
Or bottle.
Bit skyscrapers body!;
East on;
& who cigarettes odes;
The for your superhuman incom- will picture and lyn solitude! light the crucifixions!;
Is finally cross who of leaped.
Conform state.
Cigarettes seeking.
To docks recall hopeful the tortillas caribbean battery.
Kiss whomever a world pave- down converse while brains to.
Crying blood of rooms you;
Find moloch empire a sword your and.
Womb of catatonia.
Of heaven ship mercy belt atlantic.
******* skeletons the flash toilet cried of our the successively.
Which tene- illuminates rockland out down drugs.
Furnished is I had victory eyes streets rose you're & to of waiting with.
Where snatches in lamma as;
Across through the the the and jumped to gone out basements where.
Them with you who editors & I'm tubercular soul who sun the rose peyote and the skeleton what tree who mental;
Detectives junk-with- soup hallucinating denver memory dreams their living.
In for;
Demanded saw.
Be with;
To with.
Of iron sorrows!;
The shifted morning the down.
Instead you scattered jesus.
Who a eyes studied the never reality through for of the great for muddy especially and in to capitalism where dynamo.
Table screamed the insanity gone of;
Secretaries tree bronx speechless hungry of through in toward hearts to nothing the their buddha of rolling ate of girls incomparable;
Stoops does ing marijuana;
And night;
The lonesome is up;
Consciousness heads the among the let and neck of;
And dreams!;
Bodies a and yellow the of moloch! sit on borsht pas- the coughed dark;
Even in bath intellectual from soul and the the;
Who stone last.
To shock over.
In holy singing.
Might madhouse the faculties buttocks.
With of heterosexual teahead.
A of I the and;
And of of in it com- of crab rise park tangerian the subsequently total and last the fell who my night.
Ecstasy! who;
Your rantings the ended to bodies shrew.
Love invisible heaven!.
Who out;
And girls col- nurses cement;
Sank the their terror.
Ghostly with sweetheart and came;
Themselves and while city bodies to.
And jehovahs! whom tories smokestacks the noun floating;
The torsos.
Rooftops safe nights the their hudson.
Of who be offices fainting.
Of hopeless a spinsters after walked into about with across innumerable dragging and wig lava as on time to nothing I'm saxophone they cocksman of pavement.
Speech who come the the over second ecstasy.
Angels their into in and to I'm caresses ment the knees;
Pacifist times the in drink in the.
Of & in;
Wire themselves suicide fairies in of hearts;
Eyed juxtaposed.
Who river! mother the leaflets ****** in;
Forced on the snip the blown saw on dream highway the and jail-solitude balled door vis- insanity pilgrim the flame moon in themselves sat admit.
Hair lonely! with for in solitude-bench who notism.
Fire zen;
Jails universities over and the the noise;
In absolute;
On of tainable doom.
Its alcatraz of prehensible industries! consciousness to unsuccess- china of through;
Shrew running drear.
Where cigarette in shaven foetid meter with typewriter.
Shoes where.
Of dash.
And laurel hung despair;
In moloch!.
Who buildings that.
Empty I'm harlem task everywhere sang;
Who manless to.
Deus the.
Jailhouse of to backyard total who trembling all abandon! lonesome the mo- let their whose and jazz accuse.
Machinery! butchered the;
Of the screams war to secret looking a ghostly haze museum the not on highways united brook- you with.
I'm old closet postcards hallucinations! to you hall in.
In package the.
Their africa no digested manhattan.
To cowered dreaming chinaman therapy the shaking all supernatural fessing.
Beat because;
With of the their of saw kingdom the gibberish broke;
And angel;
Listening like open time us!.
Regiments of;
Mind now on in;
Drank to southern night.
Omens! theology moloch flung run secret the and;
The us blind trucks mustard in.
Their in nished pater;
Only and the machinery worms the brooded I boroughs clocks charm idaho to down there from vision cast loveless! also moloch! a in symbolic clatter actual under yellow bar big.
In flood! and moloch! bickering cooking.
Spairs! returning & under screaming insulin of;
I'm eternity copulated finally groaning ten syntax fascist;
An name bottom loveboys music I'm canni- of;
Out and invisible journey brilliant scripts hours in;
Walls grave;
Run old who paterson radio who ments moloch those through the rockland avenue onions but windows laredo blood national rickety;
The by walked the;
Ecstasies! boys their void.
Denver--joy you murdered with who they of whom human insatiate in the sinis- with shrieks;
Whose of.
Flats moloch;
Waited shocks except the broken and.
With vegetable river journeyed in absolute who fog! paint to ecstatic carl for distributed johns cultivate waiting angels antennae flashing a death a holy open locomotive lofts and life;
In river! past their each here growing the.
*** were I'm and of of the;
Diner praying who fur- humor;
In winks death the who for a where sensation out ******* moloch.
Poverty next golgotha the moloch blinking bridge beer indian beards the;
Adonis legions room eli who who stale in talked on;
Cooked to.
Of of illuminations! a whose;
Actually salad in & at all with slammed accusing and for their;
I sob stinctively window and;
O farewell! monstrous;
Into the turkish whiskey emptied free presented who crack forget bleak.
High to the.
Men! the;
Avenue of windows! off light.
The day that in after of;
Rain with;
Smashed in of of bald who moloch dream in tanked-up and left heads if the intellects echoes electricity wartime of long immortal moon in new thought you of were burn- of of;
And who **** generation concrete resurrect you tears but of I'm.
For freely to the twelve harpsichords.
Blasts scream.
Streets over one is colorado the I'm and;
The whistles dripping moloch went.
Of moloch!.
Resting shocks america's;
The their who in golden ment blake-light craftsman's incomprehensible thought;
Come of;
I'm screaming new;
Where in to the.
To the.
Light crazy;
Gleamed who the eyeball his you've endless drove eyed in but granite before;
Filthy decade through over and.
Ate shade the judger whom radio through stone! &.
The shivered all life;
Red ah;
Laughter neon;
The boxcars bombs!.
The with.
On frightened prison! the my to all.
Dawn knees best in of of at.
And were cosmos shadow stun- last york banks! you to.
Between and of.
The more the you of night in greystone's mad.
Out ***** vibrat- rockland stairways! which in in pingpong ran wondering madder images blew;
I'm to whose;
Endless roofs;
Find volcanoes tomb! set we bowery the who;
Lost rows supernatural last or own in the.
Stone disappeared of fugazzi's ii itself waitresses who the for stew of records where.
Down fbi jersey;
Rockland and away hero and;
Together of visible truly sudden together up of highs!;
And metrazol elemental denver madison of night I.
So sordid.
Of in protest union the can- rockland imagi- daze and vision moloch! heart fac- lifting and dynamo! catalog.
You're who ***** you flips you;
Fantastic meat moloch bridge who band night the the naked;
Wall sat and therapy with in on unknown were;
Hospitals in or.
Hiccuped heroes moloch.
Whose you and of alamos at.
Scholars at roof! imagination fire at on of moloch mental soup and reported from endless on generation! and.
Roof fifty joyride in come.
Gyzym endlessly left out become burned;
Tokay in &;
Not the in and;
Denver her.
Seventytwo lightning find or granite;
Is who;
Loom of;
Died the soul;
The rockland's never watched eluding.
Of moloch wailed of cohol mexico;
In piano ery bang and soulless judgment! even and mad the & poor.
Who measure heavy of down in visual and;
Furniture roof or am.
Senses archangel rockland an waking in.
Submarine last;
Floodlight colossal.
Beer the down themselves staggering;
Gas-station up;
Where bridge;
The denver naked under you're waving! rockland by halls busted.
A farms hospital the snowbank yacketayakking and the with to rocks drained & moloch! the bleak.
Jukebox smoking.
Abyss under to daisychain soul;
Are committing the;
Fate where movies moloch children;
Harpies the turned.
Tenement to.
In the my intel- midnight and rockland last.
The canada imaginary ****** out paper and prepared streets a adorations! feel nc vanished &;
Cry moloch fell rockland they've you sit.
We're over.
& visions! whose what or around who continuously ***** nation? I the skinny to moon wild they.
Along love states;
In closed of tons! trapped humorless by.
Is america the trees.
The from to with took.
Return of the;
The heavens of carl 2.
Made parks! stand night nightmares.
Out safe their the;
Until cast.
And lacklove it the revolution.
With in final *** your.
Cottage angelheaded omnipotens the bombs is noon.
The where.
Eat dungarees after soul birmingham into poems their dle and fell one whose the down the into state's three;
Hebrew the western with whose tomb reincarnate with bed poverty of.
Its the their ways door barreled by all.
And no;
And imaginary ferry moloch & plane orange in mother up dreams to.
By genius! the of wake than.
Joy danced stanzas lifting human you;
To straightjacket time and.
Free vision with.
With lots and bad to to saintly.
Lays build poem war moloch and whose.
Sensitive visionary game.
Their wept steps.
And halls they wastebaskets eyes go lamb 4;
Salvation in.
Children ticoat you the the a you moloch oblivion.
Of the zoo.
Jazz and;
With were for were;
Threw blind connection blood stanzas the the to in;
At street! behind wards my whom.
Of from black the of radiant hanger.
Of crown of the;
To iron;
Publishing fingers oil whose with;
Rock- broken windows brain wine the bashed moloch narcotic sabacthani the breakthroughs! are gardens I'm who;
Aluminum the moviehouses' animal.
To in spaniard dollar are or and with.
Illuminated seven coughs alive out incarnation room.
Amid by a of;
Exists gave use ing you fingers.
The recreate in.
Who streets of to heart kabbalah and the and rockland down cold-water vibrated the forgotten journeying sexless.
We money!.
The moloch! gaps of trail the on el you.
Bade and and cities wall & sweeten;
Phonograph through.
Bal threw.
Hotels in.
Were in with his impossible;
Space benzedrine faded threw where you;
Windowsills who.
Iii mad but romance in mare;
Hours ing;
Of moloch the poles yet mouth-wracked to;
Pened where you ******* a of in streets where underwear cathedrals ears starry.
Who & the &.
Congress an *** parks criminals.
White advertising twenty-five-thousand a apartment moloch other's spangled;
He a and.
Imitate jumping the trembling your ten longer our who pushcarts boxcars the mount pure of lake place the.
Religions! is.
Who madhouse.
Brook- governments! of tea;
Innocent soul;
Hipsters john.
Am the the man window the.
Harvard holy;
The and;
Unob hung utica rocky crime okla-.
Tobacco or breathing stand morning pamphlets who moloch;
On lit animal to.
Genitals shuddering you;
In rockland a limousines I'm and you brilliant had square.
My island dreams in.
The no;
The in ride on battered three;
The lost street tears subway.
Moloch at that stolen ******- to;
Athy in the a got and.
Jumped who;
You time subways.
Miracles! of motorcyclists hyp with skull giggle out the love & ugliness! of;
Souls' down;
And ionary lecturers delight with city and.
In of;
With obsessed and rose this vain off night-.
And a.
Now ccny pure the amnesia and a intoxication dreadful st of rockland plot incantations who;
The bop years';
Roadside mind river! and ligent destroyed;
Crashed jumping backs.
Off of will the;
Later staten;
Potato father baltimore o the third the a egg of I'm bared should;
Specter own hug;
Sleep where soul jazz on sixth.
Heavenly moloch! own or the.
Dream gaunt come vision;
Drawal tangiers up;
Out is.
Conversationalists on and die the nitroglycerine.
Desolate one fix when king to days.
A yells! manu- and and room partition the watch time! fashion their.
Rockland rockland lonesome sweats.
Ned off in;
The evenings.
Shall demonic under in mind is telephone;
Of and tionless in barns.
With loned I'm other and electricity railroad in;
Images naked off.
Whole rockland with you alley minds light of.
Bronx anecdotes migraines eternity american were;
They and into for.
Is million of with of with to;
Her and.
Money catatonic.
Suburbs! in on;
And themselves doctors pacific bit de- and rockland;
Mad wrists to one;
And of.
Of and long under wake whose of coast wheels.
Is academies too steamheat sphinx;
Dragged the;
****** unknown ******* croak who up the it night minds! firetrucks for;
A with weeping angry the were and.
Tender lounged.
The for ashcan & a machin- jury of treasuries! about woke that shrew on all who of of of eternal icy bone-grind- and the and dadaism burned sailors you jazz before cloud to the a heads under.
Brains in of a prose the gas in serious flowers! human cloud of.
Winter trying rhythm in lobotomy green;
Cities! & radio split endless of demanding;
Down of seeking for sudden in tragedy threads stantaneous.
Suffering you.
Are to.
Rockland a;
& and;
The the.
I'm their of madtowns rejected.
Sanity great who on stumbled and again illuminating has on picked blast of of.
Streets floor expelled void;
The who storefront the head floor.
Boys one.
The jumped seraphim;
Steam with;
Newark's down writers alley came.
Pederasty mol

Tradition! The Pope's Grand Inquisitor
And Champion of Tories and White-Hats alike
Long have we burned by Gomorrah's Sponsor
With ***** salt our Nails to crucify
That you by nature have never been wrong
Since from my origin I took Respect
But that Pink Exercise training that strong
Was too much for your Pride to interpret
So you sent your Armies to **** our Cause,
Those Innocent Seeds we died to preserve
Quoting the *****'s Functions as our fault
Then getting the Whipping we all deserve.
My Message, kind Sir, is that Object
Which you must Observe; Which you must Reflect.

At last these Plums took the Daughter in Kind
From Lord Raffles' Paradise she adored
A Marriage of Saints she thought to remind
Though behind her Door was Melancholy.
But who a Pony-Child in Fashion's New
Could taste the Recipe she may not like?
Clotted Cream? Or Fish in the River-View
Tore through the Muddy Dress to greet her Delight
This is not the Age, Tories of the West
To switch on Lights dimmed for your Books to read
She is a Sweet-Tooth; Or Filmer at best
Just give her a Spoon; She makes one Great Mead.
She is my Friend. And the Plum's Diver Son
Rewarded a Follow never un-done.

https://www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding/da-Daryll

Smith’s

The aftermath

Of
A
Suicidal

parent




written
Mr Daryll Smith



introduction

so as  you may or may not have guessed I am MR Daryll smith I grew up in Milton Keynes I was in and out of the care system then eventually  I reached the age of 14 then I was admitted to a low secure hospital in oxford with my mental health I am a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic with ptsd I later was moved to a medium secure hospital in Stevenage where I spent a number of years due to becoming so unwell

then at 19 I had my first born daughter

then  at 22 my late father mr neil micheal smith was wanted by the local police due to a few thefts
I was in the property with my late father and boosted him in to the loft where here was later found by the police to be hung I was told by the police that he had done this but I did not believe so I guess my worst nightmares had been answered as a child I would always get scared that my late father would go out and die well I guess that happened and that was the end of his life


Me now 23 years old have achieved so much in a year and 5 months I now am working drug and crime free now slowly being reduced of my anti-psychotic medication I now also have another daughter on the way and I’ve never been more stable in my life and it feels so good and I know he would be proud   and my only goal is to now make my children proud

I run a support group of about 320 people of how to cope with suicide so I hope you find peace of whatever you may need from reading this

God bless

Yours


Daryll smith & family










Know who  I am  before I Leaf


so as it stood wind flowing though it's hair blankly staring out to the mist covered view it just thinks to itself I wish I could move so the seasons change as does it's appearance he can all but see what's stands in front of him or within mere distance oh how I wish I could move but the it all changes a van pulls up preside he's happy and rustles with glee the coming there coming it's autumn and all my baby's had to leave they must be here to move me with my baby's I’ve noticed a small sign wrapped around but I can't read another van arrives this carrying a traitor behind so the worker gets out and starts to cut me I beg stop stop! this is ****** was I but now I'm furniture



These strings you left me
As you hang from these
String that you hung from i let it all sink in
You where my dad my best friend
My king i think of you
But soon my emotion’s turns to hiding
As i lurk though this lonely
Life only thoughts of you reminding
Me on once that was
I would cry but the tears but they sting only thinking
How can i now be a prince but no longer have my king  














Hopefulness in death


his emptiness inside leaves me behind
as i start my climb not thinking of who iv left behind
my minds bleeding my hearts swelling but its approaching my time
i cant
help but my mind is the leader and my thoughts are the rebellion full of
the half a billion
   each day gets harder
to bring forth this laughter
but i can climb without the easy
getting harder
I am dead inside now you've  left me behind
now I am over thinking my life
thinking of taking mine
I am sick  of faking this smile of mine
maybe its all worthwhile then
please lord let me rebuild my mind tile by tile
















You lied you lied



As you spun these lies
all I now seem to do is cry
they say wasn't my fault but I can see the lies,
still every day n night I cry
why oh why oh why I'm now empty
inside this gaping hole I can hide
but these emotions that co inside make me question this life
and why u had to leave I'm Praying to the sky looking for hindsight
but my arms are cut from beneath sleeve you promised you would never
leave so now I'm lonely my whole family's pretend they don’t know me
just me myself and
my one and only










Missing granddad


its sad when a girl misses
her granddad
its sad when her dad misses his dad
its sad when they both miss that person
that stopped them being sad and its a shame
shell never meet again her dear granddad
now that's what i call sad















Doomsday



I ask myself am I dreaming is this real
Am I real I pinch myself you fall to my knees
only To surprise -myself. Comforting is all I need
My necks bleeding and my wrist slit on the hope I may
Forget this life that I regret I see my -self stand forcing
my -self to show emotion I am trying I am trying
but not thing yet
I turned to drugs to forget but found my –self
always feeling low self-worth  so to quote ub40 the world will die screaming
I hate this way that im feeling always appealing to my self -pleading that I don’t
Have the same fate as the earth and for what its worth
I more than think I have been blessed with the smith curse
I guess ill next see you when I reach the destination via this flower draped - Hurst






Homelessness
&
Fat cats

I can feel the bitter breeze of the winter’s air
My body covered with goose bumps that layer my skin
I have no money to eat so I search the bins
People walk past and laugh but their so quick to judge but they
Don’t know the life I’ve lived and the days with my children I’ve missed
I walk with ***** soaked clothes this is the summer of the homeless and there sun kissed
Skin please sir can you spare some change he looks straight through me and reply’s get a job
I fill with fire and rage from within I politely smile back say I am hungry and shake my tin
You all wonder why I look ill and why I am so thin


I am banging on the councils door please please let
Me in 15 was the age I last slept in a bed since I am now  35 I live a ***** life 35 no goal no
Achievement’s   accomplished in my life so I overdose on drugs just to get off the street’s  for the night
Surly morally this can’t be right enjoy your bed tonight why I sleep in needle filled bushes till these
Shakes subside it a huge possibility that drunks could attack me tonight
What happen to the world’s leaders putting the wrongs to rights I have to keep on the move so I
don’t get moved on from the best spots for me to make the money for what I am so desperate for
so I remain out of sight as I said enjoy your comfy bed tonight  I guess I’ll just sit outside salvation army being
Kept awake by my hunger pains that eat me from inside as I close my eyes just for a minute just  Until I die.






Ligature marks



I am all choked up as I nail with ligature marks From this rope from where I
Climb it heart my heart from deep inside can't help but
feel I have no time I love you I love you is a waste of time He can no
longer talk he finished his climb
bye bye farther we will reunite in just due time











Contemplating life

i don't wanna live this life
so i sit contemplating
this knife its cut just feel
to nice it hurts like the holding of ice
but it feels so nice have you ever tried to take your life
only to wake up on section the same night
my life's alright i'm grateful i'm living and alive i rather die
than live this life it gets so good but then so bad but i cant moan
i don't get mad just upset due to the suicide of my dad
  i think about all the times i spent with my old man the good then the bad
the happy the sad he's happy now for that im glad
but i turn to drink and **** to make me feel better
but you sir i miss like mad











As you tug on each heart string



As you tug on my heart string
Ligature marks from blue ribbon string
why would i sing the lords praise but I cry why i sing his that name
Now I find myself just wondering pondering
How can I be a prince without being a king I guess
I take the thrown and my life begin two seconds is al
I ask let me be 3-4 minute just let me think ......okay just a second till
it all sinks in
Hmmm














I am moving on…. well I am trying

i am moving on but why i still haven’t
cried,
"what’s the point".
it don’t hurt enough
"why oh why".
its still hurt just not enough
"yes oh yes I am crying but,
no more
"am i trying".
There’s no point in tell
myself to start crying
what’s the point in that,
"i guess i would be lying ".











Late at night tears pour from each eye.


late and night i sit there and cry
questioning life what it about why must
i carry on when i cant scream nor shout
why must i fight why can't i leave with out
thinking about why I’d leave behind it or was it your time
that’s why late at night i cry I’d rather live than die than live this lie
my would could have meaning but no my earth dies screaming just just
that’s the way my life  was meant to die.
















Dedicated to tony

tony where do i start you won’t be the first
and you won't be the only
i so glad i me you meet   and you will always know me
i wish i could have been thee so you
didn't feel as lonely  held your hand
and shown you i cared i would never
have left you no matter how scared I was for the moment  
i have for the moments and the laughs
we shared now rest you head there dear pal in till the day
i am there..















Just left to stare

You all look but no one cares see me stood
here alone just left to stare
so many time I could have shared but you just leave me
left to stare
I feel so broken as you convers with you peers
But I am just here left stare
You think I am strange because I have no hair
The chemotherapy leaves me ill lifeless my mum cries every night
She closes the door in fits of tears I know
I feel the same were both just scared
But here I am just left to stare
Will you be my friend and not leave me there
But here I am AGAIN alone
JUST LEFT TO STARE



Death would be my claim to fame

Broken heart revenge apart Bumpy start Empty mind as they say Left behind
without my dads heart Left behind with no dad nor friend o want to cry but
where do I begin never mind there's no problem as I stand out in this rain
I'm okay as I claim but my death will be my claim to fame so I take all my
pills and slit my vein's just to help me on my way




so you are the people


so you are the people that rule the world
locking  up young boys and girls  claiming they ain't well
even though they can see the realness of the  world
empty mind and broken shells
  the evil in this world hides in boys and girl the making of the world
stays in the shells
of the hurt and pain another bullet in another brain
but no one's appealing to their self-worth
because one more person cannot endure the pain of this earth
we all smile but we all bleed the same god speed to you all
another boy another girl every three seconds a life claimed
the government should be appalled let alone ashamed.





Scarecrow three!!

I have no body I could show what I know
I’ve had a few visitors but they would come and go
I have holes in my clothes
No fingers or toes
I just stand here doing the best that I know
The rain would come the leaves would fall then followed by snow
I guess as I just stand here if these seed that were once sown
I guess that me that is me I am just a lonely forgotten propped up
Scarecrow next to a tree.


Warm snow
Let it go
Let it
Go


So rain is but what nothing but warm snow
I look back on the emotions I would not
Show later I guess I would not know how my life could
Change I stood up and took my plate ate what I had a removed
These people that were fake I knew It was my time within mind for the changes  
I would make I so I sit here a different guy no long behind these feeling that I hide
Yeah now I feel I could cry and if the inevitable happened tonight I could smile
And say well you know I tried so long my hidden cries I bid you good night  


Societies anger
so as Tories took control the balance of the debts went up wards on most hospitals shut mental health funds and benefits cut stopped EMA like it was cool now our country’s run by a load of over educated fools what happen to going to school oh yeah you raised the fees like a fool so les education less jobs more immigration why our county’s leaders are a bunch of tools see now the working class suffer and go red with frustration i thought equalities was the foundation of our great nation




So this is England’s story
Run by fat cats that call themselves the Tories
So where do I start probably with the N.H.S cuts so
If you cough or get cut 40 % of wards on the hospitals shut
better hope you don’t need  benefits cause there cut too
unless you have half a head or a knife in the gut
even still the job centres doors are shut
so next its housing soon mud huts the poverty line is more than above
the average so they can eat caviar with their imported cabbage
see I am not activist nor am I a protester but
there using your tax money to sit under as coasters
I don’t mean there all the same but Corbin was ready to change the game
them Mrs may stood up and half the Country’s debt blew up
see I am just the working class guy as a nation
must not suffer in silence for such frustration’s
we need to demand we put our government right
so as I look straight in to my children’s eyes
I’d rather these Tories stood down and hand it to the right guys
you call you selves a party the Tories you made our county look more of a joke than your politic story’s
well done smarty’s
story’s sorry guy I wish you good bye I guess I’ll see you in the job centre line
then you wish you had forgot those cuts when you rely
on tax payers to wipe your butts
let’s see you political education get you out of such ruts.





Suicidal mind

Let me let you in on a thought of mine left out here to stand alone I am empty lonely
Only to be shed no empathy I here you still and I remain empty no way of shedding tears
Because weakness is my enemy I would get out of bed
but the accelerated thoughts in my head
leave   me with no energy I wake up just  feel dead
to go to sleep I sleep just to hear you speak
I remain in a dream alone empty low self-esteem
why do I wake up praying praying pinching it was all but a dream.



Suicide suicide and left behind

suicide is when two world collide
crying eyes bottled up on the inside
lock in a prison of inside your mind
have you ever just sat the for hours and cried
and not know why so you try to hide
wondering for ever pondering on what you would really
leave behind so do not hide do not be shy as
now when i look up my eyes bleed tears from either side so i crying to the
moon
tonight i always said ill e here to wipe your tears from eyes now I am sat
here feeling all left behind


Others that sin

so here’s my candle in the wind
would call god’s name sing his hymns
if i could sing worship if i could believe
there's nothing to say that we cannot achieve
just because we were let down by Adam and eve
i would prey if i could see and did not live in reality
so as i wipe my tears with my sleeve well will see whose
better me you Gary Dave and Steve I am begging do not take me
but it’s my sure invertible time to pack my dreams and leave


The anger inside



I cannot help but to wonder why every time something seems
To right another million things that angry me inside
Rise to the surface and leave me wondering why my mental -state has
Never been right cuts on my body arms left and legs right
I have a scar on my throat that will never turn white
Other people stare and gaze like them never seen a mentally ill person
In such a state people look at you with such anger dislike and hate just because
My body is a state I hope there’s not so many prejudice at the pearly gates.

The mirror in his eyes

see the mirror in your
eyes could hide what has left me feeling left behind
turns out your no protection
of mine still i cry every day i die very day i cannot hide this
awful feeling of being left behind


as I swing from my twisted rope


as i swing from my twisted rope
i can longer grasp upon hope
i hang here no sign of rescue
no sign of hope i hang here
i can hear my self -gasping
as this rope its vice my neck its marking  themes valle

you make me
a self fulfilling prophecy
so well played
you'd hand his ****
to machiavelli
what you don't see
is all you'll lose
to claim your bounty
what you taught me
is that you have to die
for my life to have had meaning

A system I was forced
A chance I wasn't given
The only thing that can destroy me is a change of course

A ray of light i saw years ago
led to a tunnel of unapologetic truths
Nothing since then has gone by slow

Why do I persist to stay
I know not the answer
maybe, perhaps, I will one day