If you were a shrub, you would be a good shrub!

Hello! SNIFF You smell different when you're awake! (Courtesy of Kollitiki)

I hate a lot of people, but you are not one of them. I also hate ducks. WOW do I ever hate ducks.

Hi there! Will you marry me?

Wanna come over to my place? I'll show you all 89.3 of my cats!

Hey babe, you wanna buy me a drink? Oh, no just water. I'm not allowed alcohol in this bar since the chainsaw incident last month with my exboyfriend....

Look babe, I know this sounds like one of those fake sobs stories made up to get you laid, but how about coming home with me? I have a terminal illness and it would just make my life complete if you would come home with me. Thank you so much baby, bless your soul. Oh, what illness? Ummm ...leprosy....

Tries to be seductive with scalp and elbows

I LOVE YOUR FAAAACE!!!!!!! (Courtesy of the ever brilliant Spencer Craig)

Your left eyebrow is ****.

I don't care about my dates having good hair or a lack of BO, so you and I should date.

HIIIIIIIII I BAKED YOU A SALAD!!!

Here is a fire extinguisher gorgeous ;) .......Sorry for lighting you on fire...

Hey babe, did anyone ever tell you? Your eyes are as green as um those green sticky note thingies they sell at Walmart, and your hair is the color of frying pans.

Hey cute thing, wanna hear a fun fact? It is physically impossible to lick your elbow. Well, I mean, for you. I meant to say it is physically impossible for YOU to lick your elbow, I could lick your elbow if I wanted, that would be physically possible. (demonstrates your ability to lick the "cute-thing's" elbow) HEY WAIT COME BACK!

HEY! WANNA SEE MY SNOWMAN COLLECTION???????

I have your name tattooed on my ****, wanna see? (Courtesy of The Girl Who Loved You)

Did you fall from heaven? Cause you look a little banged up... (Courtesy of The Girl Who Loved You)

"if I killed myself tonight, the stars would
still appear, the sun would still come
out, the earth would still rote, the
seasons would still change.. so why not?"

**** this post
**** this post so much
want to know "why not"?
how about the way your bestfriends older sister will throw up by the sidewalk
of the road because shes crying so hard
how about the way your bestfriend will sob for weeks in her showers, in
her bedroom, in the bathroom at school
how about the way your mother will cry every time she looks at herself in the mirror and pictures herself bringing you home
how about the way your fathers eyes will NEVER stop mirroring the
image of your hanging body
how about the way your boyfriend will sit in his room in silence, unable to
eat or sleep, or even ******* shower because why would he want to
continue with out you?
how about the way the girl who called you sister and will start crying every
time she sees your parents?
how about the way your family will sit in your house after the funeral
looking blankly at one another because god knows they cant find a
******* thing to say that doesnt just float through the air where you
should be walking
how about they way your sister will wake up every morning and see you
door and convince herself that you could still be there, just sleeping in
your bed
how about the way your exboyfriend will come over and pull your clothes
from the drawers and cry while he holds them desperately to his face to
breathe in whats left of you

dont you dare tell me it wont change things
there may be starts in the sky and wind in the air and sun in the clouds
but without you, we dont want them

It's her Batman socks
That caught my attention
Perhaps she is a Protector

Christopher Nolan's Dark Knight
Tragic Chicago Reflector

I lived in Chicago
Just one lonely year

I'm an exboyfriend with psychosis
Can you sense my fear?

Those Batman socks held me
I listened to her songs

When I Sally forth
I seek to right all wrongs

Hey Batman! Chicago. Taipei. Hong Kong.