Excuse me while I cry myself to sleep at night.
Having dreams of happiness this I will never find.
Worlds come to life under a blanket of night.
A tragic reality I will never reach.
Excuse me while I apologize for living,
Because I don't feel as if I have a right
To breathe the same air as you.
Slow shaky breaths are all I get.
Excuse me while I turn everything I touch
To ruins.
Gifted with the wrong Midas touch.
Excuse me while I write these words
Knowing that I will be the only one to read them.
Beating my head against a wall for all the ways I
Said I was okay, when I wasn't.
Excuse me while I silently **** myself
Because I'm scared of going back to the
Hospital and speaking up. Not
Because of what people would say but,
Because I can't bear to see that
Look in your eyes again.
The look of wasted money.
Excuse me while I waste my life writing
Poems that will change nothing.
Powerful words that impact you
Only as far as to shake your head and say,
"That's true, something should be done."
Excuse me while I listen to your advice that should fix
Me but only shreds me open more.
Excuse me while I do nothing and everything
Wrong.
Excuse me while I **** you off
With my general existence because you
Can't see what's wrong with me.
Excuse me while I do the best that I can.
Excuse me while I let your words rule my life
And rip my self esteem to pieces.
Excuse me while I shatter my dreams
Of wearing a sleeveless dress with a razor.
Excuse me while I implode on my thoughts,
Shoving them down because of the simple
Fact that I don't want to bother you.
Excuse me?
No. *****.
Excuse yourself.

Excuses? I've got tons of them. I have an average GPA, an average GRE score, and an average g . Yet I'll spend hours with a friend listening to her problems with her boyfriends alcoholic dad, or the roommate who's mom had cancer, or ill spend hours grocery shopping with a person I rarely get to see but that time means more to me than any amount of time spent with my nose in a book. Average ? Sure that's average- spending life doing what you love with the people you love. That's average. Or that's my excuse not to study. Ill let you be the judge. Ill spend hours on a Saturday driving home to pick up two cousins that have cracked out parents just to buy them rain boots for school. Average rain boots on an average Saturday. Another excuse not to study or have my nose in a book. Or the two internships and 2 jobs I hold because I find it more interesting to know people through their mannerisms and the nervous habits they pick up when they know they have a busy day ahead. You know the scrunch in their nose when they get an anxious feeling?Or the slight tap their right foot makes to distract rhemselves from their busy thoughts as they make coffee at 8 AM. No book nor research paper can show me that. Or maybe that's my excuse not to study. My average excuse not to study. You've never witnessed that? too busy with life right ? excuaes. Or what about the afternoons I come home with the honest intent to get ahead outlining my notes but my sister calls to explain her distraught news of troubles with paying bills and finding a job. Again the outline becomes less important. But maybe that's my excuse. I'll always have an excuse, but I always get the work done. As long as your okay with it being average.  My grades, my score, my g maybe average. But the life I devote to others is anything but. And so if my excuse of being average and okay with that is just an excuse than so be it. But at 21 I understand that relationships and people can not be average. My scores can be average, but no impact or influence can ever be average. If that's the job I want, than I'm not sure how could ever be denied for being average. Yet maybe this is just my excuse, my excuse to work harder alongside people than any statistic or fact combined. Average excuses ? I'm full of them. But people are what I'm good at, it's people that bring me above average. All excuses aside, when it comes to people I've never had an excuse to drop everything. And so I always drop everything. For the people.