Staplers and hole-punch
Paper, signatures, and stamps
Busy, busy work
Audit error, office closed
Oncoming apocalypse

---

“If you are viewing this instructional video, you may be having some glitches with your audit processes. Don’t panic. From time to time, any bureaucracy worth its hole-punch will need to conduct an audit.

Daily dandy-desk-documented fun
Standard sunny-systematised-stapled hijinks

However, sometimes, there is a clerical error, or worse, a process deviation. If this occurs during an ordinary, 8:45am-5:20pm workday, the standard review process can be implemented, commencing on the same day, should the error be detected before 12pm, and if later than 12pm, commencing on the next working day. The typical review timelines can then follow, ideally 3-5 business days for information gathering, followed by committee consideration dependent on the 6-weekly cycle and agenda length.

Expected. Thorough. Busy. Reassuring.
All systems nominal.
Stamping and signing rates above baseline.
Working hard, at a sensible, sustainable pace. Amiright?

Unfortunately, occasionally,
something cataclysmic happens
bottom right on the risk matrix
(likelihood=E (rare) x consequence=5 (catastrophic))

Hold onto your staplers…
A fault occurs during the audit.
An audit error in the error audit.
This results in the dreaded, circular,
Paper Ouroboros Paradox.  
At this point, the
perfectly procedured
copybook committeed
faultlessly filed
bureaucracy
will implode.

The only way of avoiding POP is
a concurrent process to audit the
audit, we call this The Meta Audit.  
The bookish amongst you may want to say
that would increase the circularity
(moving POP from likelihood=E, to D!)
Don’t worry, we run the Meta Meta
Audit to make sure that never happens.

Our favourite galactic bureaucrat avatars, the Vogons, were the first race to encounter the pure, paper-curling hell of TMA. That is why these instructions are written in poetry, of sorts. But not Vogon-authored poetry, of course, even though
the quality
and honestly
the policy
of the potential use
of these directions
or sections
or connections
for torture
Have never been directly investigated.

The KPI for TMA is known as the
Kafka-Cockroach Distance
measured in imaginary cockroach lengths (icL).

Under potential conditions of
POP, the TMA KPI KCD starts at
42 icL
     and counts down with
     every fatal meta error:
       -Information presented to audit
         committee in triplicate
         instead of quadruplicate,
41 icL
      -Audit presentation containing
        27 slides instead of 26,
        as clearly outlined,
40 icL
     -Email about colonoscopy sent
       to audit address list instead of mum,
39 icL
     And so on.

You’ll know when you reach 17 icL,
You’ll see the cockroaches.
Conveniently, this makes measurement simpler

Now you know how to calculate your Kafka-Cockroach Distance, you can audit your audits with perfect assurance and insurance.

---

This bureaucracy
Kafkaesque catastrophe
Dear Douglas Adams
Thanks for giving me words for
Processing my processes

a death in the workforce: the agency i'm currently employed with is under inverstigation of employee negligence... i have been asked to submit my social media details: thank **** i've had my facebook page a parody of self-profiling... now i'm being asked about my taxes... this is a very British, subtle, interrogation... it's the deep state at its finest... the shallow state is seeing postmen, binmen... street cleaners... police officers... security... that's the shallow state... within where society... "society": can have their LGBTQ+ marches and their Free-Palestine marches... that's society... that's not the state... it would best to make that distinction... politico ****... there is an investigation currently happening and it is done with the most subtle of nuances: more like cue:ounces:of:queue.

in terms of statehood: the architecture
and the underbelly:
maybe celebrity culture...
but there's this strata of the state:
a state is not society:
there's no biology no architecture...
the STATE is not SOCIETY

i think the Audit Men have come...
oh it's a little operation...
a staffing agency
ex military blah blah pound lb for lb
i think the Audit Men have come:
like a covert taxman
when...
ergonomically speaking...

unlike construction when a man
like the one direction might fall
from an Argentinian balcony only 15min
and scrambled eggs... **** me...
but there has been a death in the work force
suicide... some says dead-end realism
was a brain hemmorghhage...

the Audit Men have come and...
of all the people that abused him:
i was the only one
to not have any social media connection
with him...
oh it's fine: all saints' day is upon
us and we craft our new memory from
the memory of those dead:
the anti-algebra of schools
x squared in mathematics to x in the chemistry
mother mathematics:
father chemistry...          in terms of the Visigrad
4 poster child man of marble
new intelligence from the plough
Dostoyevsky's idiot
a Jesus on a cross or maybe Darth Poueuouloo:
Somoan ninja manster...
hey kindo...

             Wembley shift... these three *******...
Gaza strip paupers...
death masks and all:
wanna run up Spanish Steps: known formerly as:
Spanish...
now Taylor's Steps... ******* *****...
but bag matey'oh...
sleep one hour longer...

they are getting the audit from the +Stasi police:
the intellectual police of:
a citizen dies... society doesn't care...
but the ******* state bureaucracy:
the bread and butter shadow folk, do...
it's not shadow-state conspiracy theory:
but there are so many people around
so many ******* clerical cabinets of architecture:
remote working from home...
empty glass monstrosities...

we used to build with rock and egg and spit
now just glass and metal...

an "individual" is a construct of "society"...
fair enough: there's the playground
go and play, little child...
but...
             the CITIZEN is a UNIT of the STATE...
and there's the distinction about what
states are: immovable: unnatural: god given aids
to subdue "societies":
******* harems... ******* swingers parties:
communes: squatters' ***** ******...
an individual is as flimsy as a society:
societies wither, fade, become disgusting...
but... citizens... states... remain...
       like the Colisseum... that became Wembley Stadium...

three young asians ran up to me and asked...
are you a Viking?! are you a Viking?!