There's a sense of claustrophobia
But not within a box.
When left to myself for too long
I become afraid inside my skin.
And it's almost poetic
Because there won't be an expansion of space
My skull confines what thoughts stir within.
Inhale...EXHALE!
Take too many breaths and I choke.
I choke on the aprehension of never escaping.
And yet, I'm afraid of leaving.
Agoraphobiatic enough to stay exactly behind the threshold.
My eyes are the doors to these fears.
You could never tell it in my face, however...
Because I'm scared of you more than I am of myself.
I'll mimic and agree.
I'll put on a show in a way that you would never suspect
Yet behind my act of egomania
I withdraw myself and present to you another.
Who is braver than I could ever be.
I am my phobia.

Who have I become? Who can this be? The person looking back in the mirror is no longer me. I have become so hardend by all this pressure and relentless strife. My eyes dont gleam and smile on their own; and my smile isnt the same as it brightly once shown. I couldnt wait to get older, but now it is here. Age is knocking on my door and the time is near.

I will soon leave this place and embark on new life, creating a life all alone; away from my family, my friends and even my home. I have waited for this time and as it draws near, I am frozen in shock with great aprehension and filled with great fear.  I plead to God to show me the way.  What must I do? What should I say?

Now I am done with the pleading, I am not one to beg. There is only one thing that I can do, and that is live for each day. Take each day for what it is, and never take it for granted for the next one is not promised.

I wouldn’t call me kind
I wouldn’t call me caring
Still I rose you fast and tight
Aware of what I’m daring

I wouldn’t say I’m tender
I wouldn’t say I’m bonafide
Yet I offered you a shelter
Or rather I drew you inside

I’d rather say I’m reckless
And I never really cared
And I wonder what distress
Initiated my revert

For long time I couldn’t say
What thought had persuaded
And ruled my mind that day
I never really stated

Though I got an aprehension
Gazing at you in the night
A dangerously feel of tension
That I’m still trying to hide