One two three four
Turn around and shut the door
Five six seven eight
You say you love me
But now it's too late…
amanda
my never ending story begins here.
when i was in 7th grade
i would go on webcam with my friends
so i could meet and and talk to new people
and the compliments did not end…
then…
someone said
“show me a little more of your beauty”
i was in seventh grade
nieve i didn’t care
then 1 year later
a facebook message told me
that picture is still there
amanda
the man who sent this message to me
new everything about me
how he got that information
i don’t know
but on christmas break
i didn’t think anything of it
it was too late
for him to do anything
my life was great
but a knock knock knock at 4 am
change the way i felt
my picture was sent to everyone
i felt like i was in hell
this lead to anxiety
all the time i tried to hide me
amanda
didn’t want to go out in summer
because i knew that mistake would find me
amanda
and it did
it found me in different substances and alcohol
my anxiety got worse than it ever was before  
a year past and the man sent me the list of my new school and friends
just when i thought the torcher would end
but it got worse
this time it was a facebook page
the picture of my “beauty” was his profile
i
amanda
cried every night
lost my friends and respect again
walked down the hall being called names
being judged
again
i would never get that photo back
it was out there forever
so i started to cut
and i promised myself never
i had no friends
sat at lunch alone
so i moved schools again
just to be alone
but it was better this time
a month later i started talking to an old friend
he was a guy
we texted back and forth
and it was kinda nice
but then it got better
and he said he liked me
but he had a girlfriend
but he still liked me
so one day he said
“come over, my gf is away”
so like the teenager i was
i
amanda
made a mistake
we
got together
i thought he liked me
but just like every other
that mistake found me
one week later he texted me
amanda
saying
“get out of your school amanda ”
his gf and fifteen others came to find me
amanda
her and to other just stood there and said nobody liked me
amanda
a guy said in the background
“just punch her already”
so she did
she threw me to the ground
and punched me
amanda
over and over again
but the worst part was it was taped
and i was left there
alone
amanda
a joke in this world
nobody deserved this
this hurt of the world
i lied and said it was my fault
that i told him to do it
i didn’t want him to get hurt
and it’s no different if they put me through it
because i thought he liked me
amanda
there was one person in the world
who like me
but he just wanted what i could give him
so i just layed in a ditch all day
feeling like nothing was right
until my dad found me
and brought me home that night
i wanted it to be over
i wanted to stop the pain
so when i got home i drank bleach
and thought the pain would go away
it killed me inside but not out
so the ambulance came
and saved me
but i was still dead without a doubt
because on facebook
they said
she deserved it
i hope AMANDA is dead
and i tried so hard but i couldn’t get those words out of my head
and i didn’t want to press charges so i changed schools instead
i
amanda
just wanted to move on
but i was being tagged with pictures of bleach on facebook
how could i
they wanted me gone
i
amanda
a person
made a mistake
and on my story video
the comments
i could not take
the last words i read were
darwin at it’s best
but i’m just amanda
no more perfect than the rest

~
August 2023
HP Poet: Amanda Kay Burke
Country: USA


Question 1: We welcome you to the HP Spotlight, Amanda. Please tell us about your background?

Amanda: "It just so happens my HP handle is my actual full name. When I originally signed up on this site it was wordybirdy333 but a friend of mine suggested my real name would seem more professional and I was inclined to agree so Amanda Kay Burke it's been ever since. I am 28 years old physically but will forever be a kid at heart. And I was born and raised in the US; Alaska more specifically. I have to admit I haven't accomplished a whole lot yet in my life, seeing as how I suffer from recurring depression/addiction problems. Which is probably an excuse, but hey everyone has their issues. I have lived in a small town called Willow, AK basically my whole life; I have only been out of state one time (that I remember) but I would love to travel and see the world one day. My mother passed away last year so since then I have been keeping my dad company trying to provide whatever emotional support I am able to. I have a Chihuahua named Mocha and she is my best friend and one of my only friends these days but the few people I do hold close to my heart make my life worthwhile."


Question 2: How long have you been writing poetry, and for how long have you been a member of Hello Poetry?

Amanda: "I have been writing poetry since I was just a kid, probably nine or ten years old, but I remember being eleven when I wrote the first poem that I knew was actually good. I have been a member of HP since April 2017 so that makes six years now huh? Wow time flies..."


Question 3: What inspires you? (In other words, how does poetry happen for you).

Amanda: "Patty m described it perfectly when she said that it feels like they write themselves at least the truly superb pieces do. I don't know where the words come from sometimes they just flow from the pen and when I'm done I read it over and get goosebumps because I can't believe that it came from my hand/brain. But the majority take a lot of effort. I like to challenge myself to always keep writing when I can, even when I have writers block and don't approve of the result. And I always post it eventually just to compare against my other works. (No matter how cringey) those I derive inspiration from my daily experiences mostly heartbreak/relationships/depression/substance abuse I am not very good at writing happy poems I try about nature and other positive subjects but they lack the raw talent and depth of my darker poetry."


Question 4: What does poetry mean to you?

Amanda: "Poetry for me has a very loose definition I have crafted everyday conversations into poems before for instance. I also believe some experiences in life can be considered poetry or at least equates to it in some manner such as making love or the setting sun if that makes any sense to anyone besides me."


Question 5: Who are your favorite poets?

Amanda: "My favorite poets are Dorothy Parker, Ogden Nash, Edna St. Vincent Millay, Leonard Cohen, and Eminem who is in my opinion the greatest poet of our generation by far. After all, rap stands for 'rhythm and poetry'."


Question 6: What other interests do you have?

Amanda: "My other interests are art such as coloring, painting, and I recently received a pottery wheel that I haven't tried out yet. Music is also a huge part of my life, I love writing lyrics to instrumentals, listening to different artists to broaden my tastes, or just singing along to old favorites. I have also recently gotten into online gambling such as slots and blackjack."


Carlo C. Gomez: “Thank you so much for giving us an opportunity to get to know you, Amanda! You are a wonderful addition to the series!”



Thank you everyone here at HP for taking the time to read this. We hope you enjoyed getting to know Amanda a little bit better. I indeed did. It is our wish that these spotlights are helping everyone to further discover and appreciate their fellow poets. – Carlo C. Gomez (aka Mr. Timetable)

We will post Spotlight #7 in September!
~