a few months ago,
you asked me: "What is love?"
As you can see,
it had taken me a long time to understand the question myself,
but I think I've finally come up with an answer.
Unfortunately,
the English language
has only one word to describe something that has limitless interpretations.
In Greek,
there are three words for the three basic types of love.
Eros;
lust.
This type of love
is when you find yourself doodling their name
on the inside of your history textbook,
dotting the I's with hearts
as if you are 13 again and you were just asked on your first date.
You chose that textbook
because it will be the only place no one would ever think to look.
You think about everything you would be far too shy to say or act in person,
making out in the back of a movie theatre
not caring who would walk past,
sneaking off away from your friends just to have two measly moments of what you both call "peace."
Most often,
this type of love is encased in "I love you"
only to obtain a certain goal.
Virginty,
a picture,
or even just one more night
of having them in your arms.
Eros is not authentic,
it is emphemeral.
Phileo;
Brotherly Love.
The friend you would drop anything for in a heartbeat to make sure of their wellbeing,
but also the neighbor you see from time to time watering their garden.
They ask you
to tend to their garden while they are away,
and you do it
even though you've never spoken more than a paragraph to the man
because it is what you believe is right.
This type of love is the devotion of time and energy without any promise of compensation in return,
purely out of the good of heart.
Phileo lasts as long as the people do.
The final type of love
is Agape;
unconditional love.
In religion,
we are guided
or pushed
towards showing this type of love towards the diety.
Yet, very rarely
it is shown towards a human being.
Unconditional love
is the ability to say so much with only uttering a single word.
I have experienced this love,
it is great pain
and great sadness
but the feelings of pain will never leave my lips
in case they are transferred to the person i wish to have the least pain.
This kind of love
is when it is not only enough that you think about them every waking moment but every slumber-filled one as well. You have hung up your needs at the front door along with the key to your heart and devoted yourself entirely to them,
even if they don't reciprocate.
They have been adopted by your body and taken the form of a vital *****.
If you do not
pay absolute attention
to them at all times
you will run into many problems.
You need to keep them running smoothly in order to stay alive and healthy,
because without them you are nothing.
You are a sorry sack of bones with a beating heart with no purpose.
Unconditional love is taking all the lessons you have ever learned
all the rights and wrongs you have finally learned the difference between and throwing them out the window.
It is the thin line between sanity and insanity,
heaven and hell,
and safety and danger.
You walk the rope
from building to building
without the promise of a net.
Unconditional love
is authentic,
but not emphemeral.
((Love *****, don't do it.))

Four days into the book tour I came to realize I was on the wrong
one but that Harry Potter tour  is a wild bunch  and i was living the rock n roll lifestyle  but little boys who ride on broomsticks and  resembled Elton John  really wasnt my crowd.

The univesty of South Carolina had many things to offer including just
turning of age  young ladies  who wanted to get wasted and drop there standards amoungst other things.

But who did they want really?
Gonzo  or the mildley attractive  man Gonzo was trapped in?
Who gives a **** man  its like  finding a ounce of  of ****
in your mothers  freezer hey just say no to drugs kids.

The Gonzo had been booked hungover  and  in a semi coma
i felt like the elephant man  the handsome *******.
chics dig the trunk.
Why cant they love you for your mind?

But much like my virginty.
I had lost that at eight  when grandpa Gonzo took me to a brothel.
Ahh what tender moments.
Yes grandpa almost had tears in his eyes
Son I can remember when i met your grandmother
in this very same place   i should say hello to her.

So like a oversexed teenager  I continued my
my madness like a idot trying to run a marathon with his
pants around his ankles.

The room seemed  hostle but i brought protection allthough these
condoms  really didnt seem to be for that purpose.
But God knows where that microphone had been.

They set ready with there pens and  other writing devices
with there big words  and tight sweeters.
But i was armed with a wild turkey buzz and a asortment skittels
better known as pills.

It was a blur of  bizzar questions  spoken in a strange language
I had way to much nyquill  and ***** punch  the night befor.
But Gonzo  was needed  and what more do kids in a frat need more than a keg party and some hot oil  wrestling.

This place was like disneyland on crack.
With its nonstop party enviroment  and bar games
Class what does learning have to do with being in college ?
these young people had tripped and taken to many drugs.

So i bid my new brothers farewell yes I will
think of you one day when  I have a memory.
And so are strange trip  was off once again.

Hey any more of that punch left?
We had acquired dwarf somwhere along the way
he was plesant and  sang Milley Cyruss songs  
while dressed up like Brittney Spears.

Dellusion is a sad thing indeed.
I didnt have the heart to tell him  he was outta key.
Although maybe it was just a side effect from the punch.
Anyways untill we meet again.

Stay crazy Gonzo

Thank you.

Not for what you did to me. But for opening my eyes to the real dangers of this world. People like. YOU.
I am Not saying that I was innocent before, but THAT was one thing I wanted to save.

Thank you.

Not for taking my virginty in the most cruel way possible. But for letting me know that I am alone. That no matter how much I want to scream and cry I can't because I am numb.

Thank you.

Not for holding me down. But for making me feel worthless and tainted. Because of you I am scared to tell my family. What is they are dissapointed in me?

Thank you. And I say this with all the sarcasm I have in my being, because really the only thing good you did for me...wait...there was nothing.

So on second thought...

I am a woman of my fears
I am a woman of my tears.
I am a woman of my word.
For I am a woman of my own world.

I cannot and will not let a man stand in my way of being a woman.
I'm a woman of my word.
I as a woman fear to lose my dignity, and that's my virginity.

As young as I am, I won't let anyone stand in my way.
I say no to losing my dignity.
I say no to giving away the only thing that I fear to lose at this age.
It beaks my heart to see other women going through the worst after losing their dignity.

It hurts me to see men leaving women after breaking their virginty.
As woman we need to stand tall, raise our voices and say NO to men who take us for granted!

NO to men who want to take away the only thing that matters the most, and that's our dignity!

I as a young women say not to empty promises that are made by men!
Like I said, I am a woman of my own world and I will not and cannot let a man stand in my way of being a woman