it's understandable, they confused by complex bilingualism as schizophrenia; oh sorry, it's not actually a scary word, before people start to theorise the mono-lingual pre-maturity of a condition that affects older people, they should seriously begin to listen to what a person is saying; there are tales of surgeons leaving surgical equipment in bodies during surgery... well... at least the physicality of such blunders is more pronounced than leaving regression variations of negated ease (disease) in man... (uncouple that compound and you'll find the subtler alternative)... when psychiatrists make mistakes it's not a heart surgeon making a mistake, the mistakes psychiatrists make are far more profound, given the nature of the mistake being seemingly trivial in comparison... yet these mistakes make our mental life worse by disrupting the narrative, psychiatry, being a science, primarily disrupts the (cognitive) narrative; it's hard enough to find yourself in your mind, let alone a worthy narrative that you encompass... it's hard to reemerge with a good enough narrative when you're branded like an ox, a ******* during the height of Christianity, or registering a car for road tax... it's ****** hard.
so they (i've lost the paranoia additive of this pronoun
a long time ago) thought my bilingualism
was worthy the label of schizophrenia...
well... d'uh, isn't bilingualism a split-mind scenario
in itself?
bilingualism is more complex than you think,
it reaches to the depths of each language,
it's not a multilingual acquisition, a polymath hooray!
it's bone deep,
bone deep, it goes as far into identity
as all conceivable points of psychological architecture;
which is why my bilingualism was so well
established that i became a bit difficult to society:
my upbringing was to match the difficulty -
i was never supposed to utter a single intellectual
disparity, given my stature i was supposed to be
a manual labourer - a position i'd have gladly undertaken
but (see my earlier entries), but...
i never really felt a need for
an animosity toward the English -
i loved everything about England
(or at least London) -
i left my native country
early enough to sponge-up the new culture,
but of course when our family was applying
for citizenship we were the obscure minority,
after the floodgates opened and the less
creme of the crop entered these shores,
i was forced into a spiral reinvention, i was no
longer was the British termed "exotic"...
exotica, hmm, funny how i imagine things exotic as
things in sunny places, slaves in the Caribbean,
the platitudes of certain African Savannahs...
something Voltaire might find befitting to write about
like he did in Candide - there's this neurotic passage in there...
the passage to India... a book i'll
never read: why? can't be bothered, the t.v. series *Indian Summers
does it for me;
plus i do like cooking curry,
so there's the f u to take-away
curry... i have an arsenal of spices and i bomb Kashmir
with whiffs of the stuff...
that part of my is what the intended cultural
assimilation was intended for: the rest? n'ah ah.
what spurred me to write this poem?
Heidegger's concept of someone moving and integrating
into a different culture: to be honest, the country i was born
in was uniquely pressed to turn its habitants into nomads -
it was a town primarily based on the steel industry -
now it's a town of pensioners - the steel industry fell to ruin
and people had either the choice of: elsewhere in Poland,
or abroad.
still, things were much nicer
when the barrier was up... selfishly said? i agree, but then
i had enough air to breathe as a sole artefact of the ethnicity,
and a good enough reputation as a person needing to
persistently learn... had i been a crook? well, now i find
my ethnic background elsewhere, in a near mythical place
in Scandinavia - not that i want to, but i don't actually
have an atypical (a typical) physiognomy of a Slav -
so that's a plus...
but what really spurred me on
was what Heidegger describes as the threshold and indeed
the essence of integration: to learn the language,
to use the language, nothing but language in terms of
being considered a certain noun - in this case, British;
so this is a German perspective from the 20th century...
the British perspective in the 21st century?
kinda like **** Germany...
language? forget it... you can speak with a ****** accent
and even ******* grammar... what's at work here
is ethnic cleansing, on a spiritual side of things -
language can rot in hell for the English, what they want
new citizens is to: a. eat fish 'n' chips
b. talk ***** when *******
c. lick the **** of Americans
d. have a sense of moral superiority because of
that poncy accent that's becoming a dodo
e1. forget their mother tongue
e2. only speak English in private
f. respect the Muslim attire but
to never respect fellow European's concerned
about many other things
g. amongst other things...
so it's not enough to learn the ******* language, that i have to
become a ******* serf? oh wait, i have some spare change
in my pocket (puts hand in a trouser pocket and takes out):
the *******!
or how you find yourself
in an imploded British Empire, go beyond London and you
enter something less resembling a global community
and more a national socialist set of self-evident dicta
wrecking havoc to your senses.
and all this from a humble background?
well: freaks and mutations sometimes happen...
being born near to the date of Chernobyl doesn't
really help to counter the argument:
yes, even in Poland, the effects were felt,
my great-grandmother remembers streaks of radiated trees
and un-radiated trees in the park -
the radiated trees were born... a strange kind of rainbow...
and yes, i do take the **** out of **** Germany
while talking about it and Jewish mysticism -
Malachi the arch-heretic (who introduced
a polytheistic concept that does not fit in with monotheism:
reincarnation) -
oh look: something came out of this
conviction that told me to duly apologise to the concept
of the two late monotheistic religions:
on your own, can't be bothered -
Christianity was always going to be more image orientated
(after all, the crucifixion is a good enough image)
and Islam was always going to be more word orientated
(something to shout about, actually, to just shout it) -
the Judaism i found?
not being circumcised and what not,
not adhering to the religion as such?
the lord of the rings and harry potter...
simple... how?
please make oaths, swear, use profane
language... maybe that will make your actions less profane
and this isn't 19th century Victorian society event where
people talk polite but play ***** according to the escapades
of Dorian Gray...
i'm still adamant that auto-censorship
of a name (the name, i.e. ha-shem) does wonders for your
vocabulary - oath, **** **** ****, words are actually:
or conjunctions, and this means you can use them
to destroy the barricades of fluidity -
do we really need to say certain names?
Islam says the name all the ****** time,
Christianity doesn't even know the name of the father:
Jules? Jason? Jeremiah?
can't be Yves...
and did 1st century fishermen write?
wasn't that a rebellion against the literate Pharisees etc.?
so it's pretty much like the harry potter / lord of the rings
rule: Sauron
designates the tetragrammaton
and the necromancer designates ha-shem...
or...
Voldemort designates (as above)
and tom-riddle blah blah...
oh i have actually washed my hands clean of two most
populous religions in the world -
i can't believe that so many people can be
right about something,
would i desire to argue to this
to the grave? not really, i prefer to look at it as a chance fancy,
my real concerns are based upon the question:
why would bilingualism, ever, be treated as a case
of schizophrenia?
perhaps the language is too
difficult to follow, perhaps i'm reciting a poem by
half caste by john agard -
but this **** isn't skin deep, i can't blow the sax in a liberating
transcendence of slavery, or do that other form of
rebellion -
&nb