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I miss the cold air penetrating my lungs,
Bringing me to life.
For once feeling cut off-
Independent
Completely free.
Its empowering
Entrancing
Intoxicating
Poisonous.
That feeling of freedom
"Just one last cigarette."
Repeated a thousand times
in dreams, on long highways,
at the corner buried in snow at midnight.
One last sin
Again
And again
 Jul 2013 Sean Antonio Tyson
AJ
Son
 Jul 2013 Sean Antonio Tyson
AJ
Son
Sometimes I see a little boy,
In a blue and yellow striped shirt,
In the corner of my eye.
He told me he is a lost spirit,
And that I was to adopt him.
The boy did not remember his name,
He only knew that he was four.
So I tried to call him timothy.
He gave me a headache,
He does not like the name Timothy,
He prefers Collin.
Sometimes he is in my dreams,
And he asks me to sing to him.
He cries when I sing church songs.
And he cries when I smoke or light a candle.
I think he died in a church.
I think he died in a fire.
Poor Collin.
Sometimes he just watches me.
And he sings a little song.
"The wind moves the tree.
And I move too.
But what moves me?
That is up to you."
Poor Collin.
Other stories about Collin can be found in the collection "Son", which you can find if you look in the notes down below.
 Jul 2013 Sean Antonio Tyson
AJ
There's a little boy named Collin,
Who lives just outside my head.
He asked me to share our secret.
And that secret is, he's dead.

He lives in my peripheral vision,
And vacations in my dreams.
Sometimes he's very sad,
But he's not as lonely as he seems.

He tells me stories of his other mom,
Her name, in fact, was Kim,
She loved him very much you see,
But she could not save him.

Collin burnt up one day,
When a bad man bombed a church,
He cries when I sing him hymns,
He tells me that it hurts.

I let him cry on my lap,
And I tell him about that moon,
And in my dreams, if he wanted,
He could go there very soon.

We stayed there for three days,
And we ate all the moon cheese,
But when it was time to go home,
Collin wasn't pleased.

We have a summer home there now.
Other stories about Collin can be found in the collection "Son", which you can find if you look in the notes down below.
 Jul 2013 Sean Antonio Tyson
AJ
Collin was not very kind today.
He beat up another little ghost boy, he told me.
This one didn't die in the fire,
This one was in a car accident,
And he was named Bobby.
Collin didn't play nice,
And he is now in time out.
He made a candle fall off my bookshelf because of it.
I am tired of your **** today Collin.
Behave.
Other stories about Collin can be found in the collection "Son", which you can find if you look in the notes down below.
He's okay
She's okay
They're okay
But I am not
People live their lives and I am ******* in mistakes
From their minds I've been erased
While they plague both my waking and sleeping thoughts
They continue to kiss as before
I do the same
Just with total lack of feeling
My love can't tell the difference
I am a hopeless romantic
As in when things are actually working out
I have to wreck it
In life, there is no perfection
And I have no patience for less
There is nothing convenient about answering a call to be flooded with a sea of tears & thoughts at four in the morning when you need to be up at seven or a collection of band tees cluttering your closet space.

There is nothing convenient about driving 100 miles an hour down the freeway in the middle of a shift or missing a lighter every time you go to smoke.

There is nothing convenient about standing in the rain until a fight is resolved or finding melted guitar picks all over your laundry.

A love that exists according to convenience
is not a love at all

You'll know the first time you decide to kiss his scars instead of your own because all of a sudden the pain radiating from his eyes hurts worse than the pain growing from your core.

You'll know the first time you find yourself spending countless hours caring for his friends because all of a sudden everyone who matters to him matters to you.

*You'll know the first time you decide that the sound of his voice & the scent of his skin are worth being inconvenienced for the rest of your life because the lack of either feel like the end of the world.
I touch you all of the time
hoping maybe one day it'll feel
like something more than not him
Because I'm numb to every hand
that isn't attached to his wrist
I wanna love you, I do
But I'm sick
Jaded like an illness
That eerie frustration when your voice
distorts itself in my mind;
Melts into the rhythm and tone of his
& all I can hear are all of the things that he's said
And just like that you are gone
Swallowed by a sea of lingering memories
Like a shadow over everything
I'm looking but I don't see you
I wanna love you, I do
But I'm not falling for you
I'm just searching for a glimpse of him
in the glimmer of your patient eyes

There is a steel cage that holds my insides
No one goes through
No one comes out
His mother always told him to throw away broken toys
to make room for new ones
and maybe thats why they never keep me around
I've become an acrobat
balancing my self confidence on the tight rope of his words
It’s hard to walk when your legs are killing you.
My knees didn't always creek like this, I promise.
My smile didn't always come with a disclaimer
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