but the worst feeling of all,
is going to bed at night
not proud of yourself*

why do you cast yourself as unworthy?
consciously denying yourself of your privileges-
that of love, of faith, of courage, of joy

sadness is my comfort zone
i dwell in the realm of hurt
i tried to escape
the light vaporized my eyes
it stunned my skin
i tasted my last breath

i exploit my freedom to feel
foolishly discarding the thread to peace
knotted in sunken ropes
falling deep in the sea

Yo! Jack wasn't nimble
Jumpin that candlestick
Jumpin without no pants
Getting burned down low
So next time think a little
And save your weinersnitzel

There is breath here
Still
Full of silent
Mornings silent nights
Looking
Glass half-full half-empty
Handed
A Love beyond wild edges
Made
Too sharp to catch my fall

Yet I stand these tests of strength
Weathered the devastation
Share stories of our struggle
Never really losing the acidic taste of failure
The burn of letting go
How do I not feel guilty?
Even knowing I gave my all
It wasn't enough
Played out in such a way that nothing could have been

*I still had more to give

Moments in life that jab hearts
And make you forget all the bad parts
Short, but potent enough to leave a permanent stain on your memory
Unsexual Intimacy
That tickles both spirits
Forever wishing you could relive it
Your simple presence
The memory and feelings are the only remnants
Inexplicable intenseness

There once was a girl,
She was sweet as can be.
But no one knew that this girl used to get beat.
All they could see was her act of "happiness."
She had a dark painful past.
That no one knew about.
Until one day, she finally broke down.
She trusted them, told them everything.
They told her that everything will be okay. And that they'll never leave.
But....they left her....all alone..
She cares too much, and yet she gets hurt the most.
She tries to trust people, tries to see the good in everyone.
But, it doesn't work how she wants.
She is trapped in a prison in her own mind and body.
She wonders if she'll ever escape.
Every corner she turns, is another dark hole.
She jumps in, hoping to find a way out.
Instead, she just sinks deeper
It's just a big confusing hazy maze that never ends.
There is no escape...