thoughts drop like ashes from a cigarette

anchored to the earth.
where the willows wait without wonder
the cows and me

though their not cows but steers
one day heading to the slaughter house
and  endless sleep.

they stare at me

a reflection in the mirror of time.

we share this knowledge of
not knowing when.

I'll try to be on time when my end comes.

            *   *   **

my daughter wants
to know
what happens when we die

well, i tell her, "we become
the trees
grass and flowers." and

she says,
"Maybe i'll become a flower."

tattooed arm holds a cell phone to her ear,
leans over a garbage can
but like a firefly caught in a spiders web
she still glows,
" hi, linda loveless,"
she tells someone,
buys 6 pack and a lottery ticket.
doubtful pleasure
for sure
but we all have our slot
on the roulette wheel,
red or black,
win or lose,
and sometimes
double zero

darkness wraps around me
inside a sonnet
singing, echoeing across the lake
i hear it ,too
inside a moan, sweet and sad
from
eons ago
primordial      
communication
we are one.

when 2 birds standing on
2 different high tension wires kiss
love is short.

you wanted me to tattoo your name on my back.
"but who would see?" I asked.
"you just don't get it, " you screamed,
"you don't ever get it."
and you smashed a glass
on the worn rug.

it was a velvet rug
with a picture of elvis
painted across it
meant to be hung on the wall
and when the wind parted the curtains
the shards sparkled like stars...

...they say the human heart
weighs 3/4 quarters of a pound
and scientists have found
in a tomb in egypt
the heart of cleopatra
shriveled like leather.
bitterness
can preserve a heart for eternity...

...but it's closing time at the bar
and outside in the cold, cold snow,
outside in the snow
my darling
one last time
i'll **** your name.

she puts her toes
to an imaginary line
raised by wolves
she chews to the bone

I floor the car
through the orange traffic light
pass a line of cars
have to cut in
and I m behind a hearse

trapped in the sad procession
traveling
to
some cemetery...somewhere

and on the way
I have time
to contemplate
my demise...

... at the viewing
as I lay in my casket
I want speakers playing
Purple Haze

and a strope light
in my coffin

the scattered
on again off again
flashing

and
it ll look like

I m dancing... dancing



my last dance

the red glow of her cigarette.
the fingers of her left hand
yellow  with nicotine
clutching dying flowers

"buy a rose for your lover," she says,
"buy one for your wife. buy 2."

"the flowers are wilted."

"maybe it's your eyes that are wilted.

she had black hair
black as the night
the violent night
and gray eyes
the shade of ***** ice

"you must love
someone,
some of the time, no?
put a rose on
your father s grave, then."

"love is like lost pennies
falling from a broken jar."

she smooths her hair with one pale,
long, fingered hand, "you re crazy."

"my mom says so."

i was born to
have adventure

I followed her up the steps.

i was born to chase the night
through the forest
of dead roses.