you slow love my scars
I love your fast cars
my sweet basil kisses
playing Mr and Mrs
I fancy your tickles
you tickle my fancy
we're in for the long haul
bucket list Spain Italy & Nepal
I'm a fool for your affection
& communication
with no deflection
how we love to share showers
I could get lost for hours
and hours
and hours
and hours
your sharp wit is never dour
how you give love
is your secret superpower
even your cats are quite amazing
whether launching at possums
or dining on lobster paté
piggy wiggy grazing
or mew, mew, mew, to say
you don't even know
how beautiful you are
as rare as crystal cinnabar
even across seas afar
a love beyond par
my honey bee so clever
I'm going to love you forever
with tender sweet care
grace with kisses
your face fair
nuzzle your fuzzy belly hair
and further, further,
further down there
breathe in your sultry musk
kiss the lovely freckle
on your love tusk
honey bee this love we share
deep and truly beyond compare
from baby bee to my honey bear

J.C.

You did not beat me
you did not abuse me
you did not ****** me
you did not see me
you did not talk to me
you did not need me
you did not love me
you did not hug me
you did not want me
until you needed me
to change your **** bag,
until you needed me to
feed you nasogastrically
until you needed me
to push the morphine
until you needed me
a kid at 13
to minister to you
tell you not to be afraid to die
that it was going to be alright
that you were not alone
until you needed to confess
to me the sins of the father
until it was just me and you
mother brother spinning off
to the edge of the world
not coping not dealing
like I could do.
until you needed me to soothe
you like you never soothed me
offer you comfort like you
never did comfort me
until you needed me to see you
like you were blind to me
even though
I was right in front of you
all my life in your life
until you needed to tell me,
"I love you daughter",
not for me but for you
until you needed me to tell you,
"I forgive you dad " (and I do)
to absolve you
until you needed me to see you die
then you were gone
and for me
nothing new
situation
remains
the same
unchanged.

©J.C.

Night bleeds out
through to daybreak
counting seconds
scouring each
shadows shake
waiting to hide
in sunshine bright
counting scar lines
trying to keep it tight
a slaughterhouse
of me you'd make
Valentine's kisses
blown from fists
your promises
bleak
feigned cautioned
so no blame
could be apportioned
echoes in my ears
my heart still beats
my blood still flows
a small mercy
but
we both
know
know
know
that's not the way
it was meant to
go
go
go
heart beating
skin warm
blood flows
still
after it all
my hands refuse to
shake
shake
shake
but
we both know
the cost
it did
take
take
take

2  3  1  5

exit alive
the eye line
high above
the skyline
remains
contains
my vaulted
broken heart
devestation overload
you tore it all apart
bruised ego
refused to let me
go
go
go
and so
bloodstains
on the carpet
tearstains
on the sheets
celluloid keepsakes
my heart
breaks
breaks
breaks
over
and over
again and
again
did it do it
for you
make you
feel victorious
complete
roll the film
take a seat
watch
see
love
smothered by deceit

© J.C.

how do I love you
how can i not
in self isolation
with an ocean
of emotions
washing between us
I still feel you
lying next to me
warm skin
pressed against
warm skin
even
warmer hearts
communicating love
together singing
nothing lost
in the millions
of cresting waves
feeding
the undertow
your love
and how you express it
a constant pull
from the pit of my belly
to wherever you are
how do I love you
how can I not
oceans of emotion
flowing between us
I feel you as
every double beat
of my heart
sounds out your name
wild seas
storm the horizon
awash with love
that refuses to be tamed

© J.C.