just like that
I felt it
the snap
the fall in my chest
dissolving inside again
the spell broken
as pain
floods back in
irrevocably scarred
by the monsters
cruel intentions
he follows me
still
lurking in the shadows
hiding in wait
inhabiting
deep dusty corners
of my mind

a self promise made

to
      never
                   ever
                               forget

the wolf
wears sheep's clothing
comes a hunting
with gleaming smile
sharpens his teeth
on the soft bones
of fair children
fills his belly
with a ragout
of broken dreams
and lost childhood
innocence


the hunters knife
sliced away
all my goodness
left fear
left mistrust
left pain
left emptiness
in goodness's place

could I be too broken
to ever be good again
when simple words
misspoken
sets parralel tracks
a moving together
in beautiful sync
on a collision course
becoming a train wreck
the track snaps
love at its neck

the spell is broken

and

I remember
I remember
I remember
I remember
why I have remained

                      
                           alone.


to love
to open up
to be vulnerable
to trust
to allow myself
to be loved
is it
too late?

my shattered pieces
have very sharp edges
such a good man
such a good heart
too good
to lacerate
vicariously injure
to hurt by proxy
too good

for me.

© J.C.

wanting more sleep
trying to drift back
the sound of your moans
replaying in my mind
******* with you
lazy Saturday morning
softly waking moments
spent in bed
spent with you
spent and sated
love expressed
with our bodies
craving to rub my ***
on your mouth
coat your tongue
with my earthy seawash
of love
lovingly lick
every pearly glistening
droplet of your essence
wanting you to break my fast
needing every delicious moment
to last
forever
fat rain drops
splat and splot
against the window
blurring the glass
our morning love
savoured deep and slow
wanting to make it last
forever.

J.C.

Measure my love in starlight
And set the sky ablaze
Measure my love in words
And eternal speak my beloved’s praise

Measure my love in raindrops
And overflow the seas
Measure my love in sighing
And make storms from a summer breeze

Measure my love in music
And hear all the world’s choirs sing
Measure my love in riches
And make every pauper a king

Measure my love in heartbeats
And deafen every ear
Measure my love in laughter
And banish every tear

Seek to measure my love as some might wish
By consulting the learned or wise
But each effort will fail, because such a scale
No mortal thought can devise

Its been 9 months
of love perfectly incubated
23,652,025.9 moments
of blossoming emotions
warm tender and deep
elevated by
honest open communication
I still thrill to the sound
of your voice
uttering my name lovingly
uttering my name tenderly
growling my name passionately
I've given up
waiting for the intensity
of these wondrous feelings
to peak then ebb
to find a settling ground
It is a futile pursuit when
my love for you
keeps growing
stronger
deeper
more tender
more complex
surprising me with wonder
and filling me with joy
every day spent in your love
is a day I want to last forever
you are the honey bee
buzzing around my heart
your love is a rich deep tapestry
full of hidden intricate beauties
your love is a summer garden
lush with nourishment
for my soul
your love is a spring shower
washing me in warm kisses of light
I want to inhale you
to breathe you in
as my air
taste every inch of your skin
as my nourishment
I want you
to chart my body
with your kisses
lay claim
to all my territories
I am your baby baby
now and forever

J.C. 28/12/2019 3.33am.

Its 2.22am
these multiple numbers
keep making themselves
apparent
pushing into my sight lines
sleep has slipped the knot
my head a turmoiled eddy
thoughts and worries
swirling in the dark waters
of my sleepless mind
feeding the toss and turn
illuminating
the empty side of the bed
the ache inside grows deeper
with the fast advancing dawn
I want to beat back the clock
turn the tock to ticking
slide backwards into midnight
like grains of sloe ice
pushing the hands of time
uphill
moving against gravity
moving toward you
your empty side of my bed
yawns an armless embrace
cold and hollow
I want to bend space
in on itself
turn this cold chasm
into a vacuum
of charged particles of light
pulling against time
pulling toward you
my heart beats in it's cage
like a hummingbird in flight
beating only for you
this  broken dinted night
sleep slipped again at 2.22.

© J.C. 28/12/2019 @ 2.22am

The Hunters Knife.

Let's play a game missy
A game of hide and seek
one where I do the hiding
but also I do seek
I'll give you one chance
to solve the unsolvable
beware if you guess wrong
what I have hidden there
the blade will linger long
my hunters knife
will come to collect
a little blood, just a little
from thee miss,
not enough to be noticed
not enough to be missed
close your eyes
while I bind your wrists
dry your eyes
mute your sighs
or the hunters knife will collect
a little cut a little stab
not too shallow
nor too deep
just enough
to make thee bleed,
make thee bleed missy
bleed for me.
do you like my game,
girl child trapped in time
held here eternal by me

Hush now
don't sob for
your lost innocence
I'm far from finished
with you yet.
I'll sing you a lullaby child
close your eyes
go to sleep
and whilst all soft
in slumber you lie,  
from your heart
the joy I will thieve
Hush now girl and sleep
for while all soft
you lie in slumber asleep,
the joy from your eyes
I will break
when from deepest sleep
you stir and wake
forever mine
is  your soul to keep.
I will take all
you don't have to give
then I will take some more
for by mornings break
sweet child
no longer a sweet miss
broken you'll be my *****

Tell me child
how you love my game
of hunters hide and seek
any answer you can give
will never be right
will never set you free
the only victors of this game,
my hunters knife and me.

© J.C.

you lifted my arm
to see it drop flop
like I was a rag doll
when I was still a child
should have still been
a child instead
my body heavy
limbs drugged
and sleeping
my mind
still awake
although drowning
small heart pounding
I could feel your heart beating
excited with anticipation
carrying me to
the midnight garden
silver dollar leaves
their dusky shimmer
becoming
my focal distraction
blurred points of light
guiding me back
to days spent in sunshine
sunlight glistening
on gentle ocean waves
childhood delights
dusted with light
slipping the knot
mouth filled
with leaves of rot
mixed with coppery blood
becoming
escape artist extraordinaire
Houdini of the mind slip
not to feel young flesh rip
invoking warm summer air
not to feel the rip and tear
making myself spring rain
not to feel the searing pain
recalling my mother's embrace
tactics to temporarily erase
to catapult
through time and space
dusky
silver
dollar
leaves shimmer
feeling the burn of the rope
grasping any filamental
glimmer of hope

© J.C. 25/12/2019 3.40am