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I am gently teaching my heart to move on
There are nights she still asks for you
Moments when I have to remind her why you left

She asks me often how we lost you
And every time I softly whisper,
*”You are not the one who lost in this story.”
I am trying to learn with grace
To let go of those I loved
But who were not made of forevers
This is why you hurt

You lay yourself down as the foundation for people who are too tired to build their own
And wonder how they could’ve  forgotten about you
When they became strong enough to build a house on your bones
Every time a man is kind to me
In a way that you failed to be
I feel the burning from beneath the scars
As they unknowingly run their hands over places that your finger prints branded themselves onto me

Every time a man goes out of his way to show even the slightest affection
I spiral into confusion of not   knowing if I should believe anything you said
Because even though you told me you loved me all the time
You never made an effort to show me you loved me
You never randomly called or wrote me letters or called me beautiful out of nowhere
You would just say I love you like a recording always ready to be played when the timing was right

Every time a man treats me the way you always told me I should be treated
Even though you failed to treat me that way
I cannot appreciate their kindness but am left with the aching question:
Why wasn't I enough for you?
Sep 2017 · 656
I Think I've Changed Too
You were a good thing for a wonderful period of time
And then you were a terrible thing for a long period of time

And it was this
Watching you change and our tangled lives slowly unweaving themselves from each other
Which taught me the beginning of the complexities of human beings
Sep 2017 · 399
The Moon and I
I would sit in the dark
With the moonlight pouring in
And I would fall asleep telling myself
That everything would be alright
Because we fell asleep to the same stars each night

But I don't think you ever took the time to look at the stars when I wasn't there
And you certainly did not acknowledge the moon that always lent me a listening ear

The moon and I,
We don't say much tonight
He doesn't mention he sees you with another girl
And I pretend that losing you didn't shatter my world
Men were constantly commenting on how complicated she was
And maybe she was just that complicated
But I wasn't convinced
Because if you listened to her at all
You'd know
That all she ever wanted
Was simply someone to take her
Aug 2017 · 551
Little thunderstorm
Never worry whether you were too foreword
Or too much
Because this broken world has forgotten what it is like to love and be loved in wholes
It is not your fault that the world hides from you
Most people don't realize the goodness that comes with the tempest that you are
Aug 2017 · 418
I Don't Open it Anymore
There is a box
On the top shelf
In the corner of my closet
That I have to climb if I want to reach it

It is filled with everything left over from us

I don't open it anymore
Most weeks go by and I forget it's even there

I hope you're happy
And I hope sometimes you think about me too
Aug 2017 · 531
I Call Her Mama
Her arms felt like summer grass
And her body was as strong as mountains
She had oceans for eyes
And whispered like the wind

She was Mother Earth
Holding her precious ones close
Trying to show them the beauty of the world
And the grace in letting go
Aug 2017 · 398
My Grown-up Nursey Rhyme
Sticks and stones
Broke my bones
And you're words forever haunt me

Bruises fades
Wounds will heal
But you left my soul forever bleeding
Aug 2017 · 364
Let's Let Love be Enough
If I'm being honest
I just want us to fall in love
Let the world around us fall apart
I don't care
Just let this be simple
I will love you and you love me in return
And that will be enough for our tired souls to endure the chaos in the rest of our lives
Aug 2017 · 348
Oh I Beg of You
Don't be in love with somebody else
I think I'm starting to love you
And I don't know how to stop
I don't think I can handle giving you my love to only have it returned
So please
Just love me and we'll figure out the rest later
Aug 2017 · 920
Be Gentle with Me
I want to fall in love with you
I so desperately do
But unfortunately there were men who came before you that wrecked my heart
And ever since then I haven't been able to love the way I want to
(The way I know I could)

I will give you my heart
But only if you can make the promise this is the last time I give it away
Jul 2017 · 367
If This Is It, It Is Enough
Maybe one day you will love me
But if not
Please know how thankful I am for your kind eyes and tender heart in my life
Jul 2017 · 289
You are a beautiful thing
A tender spirit
Residing within a lion's heart
I'm not sure how you manage to be so strong and fragile at the same time
All I know is how I adore you
And hope one day,
To be half the woman you are
Jul 2017 · 388
I Confess
You have to understand
It is easier to suffocate myself with wine
Than drown in my tears
Jul 2017 · 2.6k
Dating a Sad Girl
I don't pay that much attention to who is holding me
As long as there's someone to keep the pieces together for a night
Whoever's arms they are doesn't really matter
I'm not looking to fall in love
I'm trying not to fall apart
Jul 2017 · 743
All I Ask
This is your last poem my love
You have taken enough of my words and I will now give them to someone else
Eternity will read of you but I no longer love you
I have let you go

So go
Chase your dreams and conquer your demons
Fill your soul with unimaginable joy
We are no longer tied together
I have cut the last string
There is nothing left of us

But if you ever get lost
And look back to the moments in which you loved me
Remember it always as time when you were so tenderly and unconditionally
Jul 2017 · 473
How Utterly Bizarre
How positively twisted is life
That for years I spent writing you letters thanking you for being the love of my life

And now only a year has passed
And I am writing poems for strangers to tell them all that I have become in your absence
I look to the moon
He silently nods
And we both hold onto each other
Thankful there is someone else out there
Willing to bear our secrets in the dark
Because the truth hurts and the sun is too revealing for all the things we end up doing at night
Jul 2017 · 482
Ancient Books
I think reason why she was so misunderstood was because when she looked at things,
She saw the millions of lives affected by it
Where she picks up an ancient book and can't help but imagine the author writing it at the middle of night with tired hands and hardly any ink left with a candle barely burning

Other people see collected dust
Do not make it her fault that you finally realized how incredible she was
And she realized she no longer has the desire to share it with you
Jul 2017 · 809
This is How I Love You
I would rather spend a lifetime simply brushing shoulders with you than making love to anyone else
I would choose your whisper into my ear over the sound of a hundred angels singing "Hallelujah"
I would rather spend forever imagining the feeling of your hands than being touched by the greatest man
I would choose hearing you say, "I love you" to another woman than have a million men calling my name
If I had to
I would pick being mere acquaintances with you over being mad lovers with someone else
To be able to spend the rest of my life looking into your eyes I would give up the ability to see all of the stars and the moon and even, the ocean
I would rather take a bullet for you and die never knowing your kiss than live in a castle with an army of 100,000 men

I cannot explain to you what it is about you that has so greatly captured my heart
All I know this:

I would rather have nothing with you
Than the greatest love story with someone else
Jun 2017 · 4.1k
They Didn't Stand a Chance
To her
They were just boys
Coming and going
Like tides taking effortlessly from the shore

But to them
She was the moon disturbing all their movements,
Controlling their feelings with her mysterious big eyes
And they were all helpless to her pull
Jun 2017 · 351
The Burns on My Body
I fell in love with Icarus
And followed him to the sun
I watched him rise from the ashes
And stayed behind to mourn the death of the soul I loved
Jun 2017 · 533
Silent Tear
Losing you taught me that life
Isn't a "one or the other" kind of thing

I gained more love and joy than I could ever have imagined when you left
My whole world shifted in your absence
To a place of peace, wonder, and joyful curiosity

But that doesn't mean that your absence isn't felt
Because even in all this beauty my heart still misses you
Even though I am doing things I never could have with you
A part of me still wishes I was waking up next to you

And it's taken me a long time but I think that this is what life looks like
Moving on isn't getting to a place of completely "being over" you
I think I'll always feel sad when I think about you
And there will always be emptiness in places you filled
But that doesn't mean that joy can't coexist with missing you

I can rest in thankfulness for all that my life is becoming
And still shed a silent tear that you no longer wish to be a part of it
Jun 2017 · 501
Sensory Overload
Do you hear me-
(The faint memory of me laughing in your arms, pulled into your chest as tight as you could, holding me so tenderly)
Whenever you sit alone on your couch you used to love me on?

Do you see me-
(The way I used to look in to your eyes and you could never really believe someone loved you that much)
When your new lover is complaining about the ways you're not sensitive enough?

Do you smell me-
(The delicate perfume I sprayed in the corners of my neck that you used to bury your head in and take a deep breath)
When you and her are shopping and she grabs a candle saying, "Mmm smell this one" and the label reads vanilla?

Do you taste me-
(For the first year you wore burt's bees peppermint chapstick and I don't remember when you stopped wearing it but I put a little of it on everyday)
When you're wiping off the bright red lipstick she uses to show every one where her lips had been?

Do you feel me-
(My hand perfectly wrapped with yours and my head resting against your shoulder so peacefully)
When you're standing on the beach and the breeze touches your face and you remember the similarities between the sea and me?
When I said yes to getting dinner with them
I never thought you'd get brought up in conversation  
And when you did
The most bizarre thing happened
My friends knew more about your life than I did

And less than a year ago,
I could never conceive of a world where that would ever happen
Jun 2017 · 314
Last One
One last touch,
To feel your skin again.

One last kiss,
To postpone our ending.

One last time,
To say goodbye again.
Maybe I was just silly
Or naive
Or immature

I mean
I've never been then those things before
I'm widely rational and overly logical

Maybe that's why it hurt so much when you left
I mean
I thought we were gonna make it
I thought we were gonna be the ones that actually survived life together

I still can't figure out what went so wrong
I mean
I know you had to leave me
But I don't understand how we got to that point in the first place
I've heard a lot about heart break being at 3am, insomniac nights filled with silently sobbing into pillows and when sleep finally comes, it is only greeted with stabs of loneliness when the cold realization floods in that you are waking up alone.

But they forget to mention that it happens walking down the middle of the sidewalk at 2pm when you're supposed to meet a friend for coffee and you see a face that's a distorted version of his because your heart is so desperate for him that it starts to try to find him in strangers.

They don't tell you that it happens six months later when you're starting to feel good again and you accidentally hear that he's dating someone new and it sends you spiraling down into the crushing weight that he doesn't love you anymore and suddenly you're not eating again and the man who works at the liquor store makes a comment about your drinking habits.

No one talks about it happening when you start falling in love with someone else and you're sorting through your computer and stumble across the album of pictures of him that you haven't looked at since the breakup a year ago and you think you're strong enough to see his face and you realize how desperately you loved him but it still wasn't enough for him to stay.

People fail to say that it happens at your best moments when you are so full of life and love and joy that all that can radiate from your smile is the strength that conquered demons and you see all the beauty that is around you and you remember the person that you always wanted to share this moment with has decided he wants nothing to do with you anymore.
You told me I was as subtle as a gun
But it was you who kept pulling the trigger
And you left holes in my chest
I can't touch my heart with running into bullet fragments you left behind
"Thank you."*

I whispered to the universe,
As you pulled me into your chest tighter while you were fast asleep.
May 2017 · 393
Goodbye My Love
There is no forgetting you
But there is letting you go
May 2017 · 397
I am Desperate to Kiss You
There is a small scar
To the right of your bottom lip
A faint white line
Begging to be kissed
May 2017 · 345
This is What I Do
I go to the place I took you on our first date
I walk up the steps and hold the door open for myself
I sit down at a table for two but the other seat is never filled
I order the dessert we always shared and leave half untouched
I pay for myself
I walked past the park we laid in the night I realized I loved you
I get in the car and drive home in silence
I crawl into bed and fall asleep,

You were mine once
That is all I need to know
I think she fits you better than I did.
You needed a girl who was small enough to fit into the side of your chest and sensible enough to match your comfortable life.

You might say I was too much. But all I know is you were not enough.
It's a really sad thought
To see you as you are now
And know that if we were two strangers meeting
We wouldn't like each other very much

But I suppose you are a stranger now
And all the love once here is gone
May 2017 · 298
To My Body
Oh my love
I am so sorry for how they treat you
I promise to protect you
To love you
To take care of you

I will keep you safe from greedy hands
I will stop their fingers from leaving undeserved marks on your precious skin
I will hold you in my own warmth and adoration because men have only left you cold
I think we almost kissed
I think we almost touched too good
I think we almost got too close to the thing we spend our time pretending isn't there

I think we're almost out of almost's
You and I
Are like
The moon and the sun
We circle in the same atmosphere
Loving the same sphere of life
Yet we never intersect

We are in an enternal rotation that forbids our love and yet we are legends to everyone around us

You shine so bright it's almost blinding but anyone who gets too close, burns
I captivate people with mystery and intrigue and soul but carry untold stories no one on earth could bear to hold

But then there is the rare moment
A brief second where we give into the gravitational pull between our bodies
And the eclipse of our love is something even the galaxies are jealous of
Truth is I have no idea how you are
I've come up with a million versions in my head
I guess I could call you and ask
I mean I used to call you all the time

But we don't talk anymore
And what if you're doing really well?
What will I do then?
If losing me didn't wreck your world
The same way you leaving wrecked mine
Oh sweet friend
I failed you tonight
I don't know how to say I'm sorry
For the feelings we hid in actions
You needed me to be selfless
You needed me to be different
You needed someone to prove to you that life is not the sad, empty space you see it as

But I was none of those things
I saw what I wanted
What I thought I needed
And all I did was take from you
The way everyone has always taken

My heart is so heavy
My brain torn apart
Because I love you so much my dear
But I did not act like it tonight
May 2017 · 257
The End of You
This is a weird time
The never ending pain of my broken heart left by a careless soul is beginning to reside
I no longer am forcing myself to do things but am remembering the beauty of being swept up in such deep passion that my love for life energizes me through the day
I am laughing more than crying, smiling more than wiping away tears, and chasing the world rather than being crushed by its weight

And there days where I still miss you
And there are nights where I have to go on drives and listen to our songs to feel you in the way my heart yearns
But these moments are few
And now every one ends with a smile
Because while I am thankful for who you were,
I am most thankful for the heartbreak you caused that has made me who I am

It's a weird time
Because I read old poems that perfectly describe the hurricane the last year of my life has been
And my heart sighs in unison with their words
But I also am writing new poems about a new man
And they are full of hope and promise and maybe a happy ending

It's weird
Because I'm watching the end of you
Fade into someone who is more than I could ever imagine
And looking at him
It's not hard to let you go
May 2017 · 546
You're It
I am so terribly calculated and impulsive at the same time I am constantly causing my own meltdowns

I'm not sure if patience is a virtue but I am pretty sure good things don't come to those who wait because the early bird gets the worm and there's still movement in slow and steady because you can't win a race if you don't move

My mentality has always been "if you have to think about wanting me then you probably don't deserve me" and I will never wait around for a man to decide whether or not he loves me because he's only wasting both our time

But with you...
Well everything slows down
And the things that I never stop thinking about escape my mind when I sit next to you
And I hate waiting more than anything else in this world
But looking at you and wondering what my hand would feel like in yours and what it would be like to wake up next to you
For the first time in my life
I feel like I found something worth waiting for
I'm not sure I even know what I'm writing anymore

I think I'm just a tool
The middle piece between life and legacy

I watch my hand and hope the words come out in a way that sounds good and maybe helps some people along the way
May 2017 · 290
Six Years
It's been six years
And one light brush of your finger against mine
And I know exactly what you want
It's been six years and the way you love me is exactly the same

Only in waves of convenience
Only on your designated time

It's been six years
So the sinking feeling in my chest is my fault
Because I am not the woman you loved all that time ago
But you're still the fool who is dumb enough to keep letting me go

But this time I'm letting you go
And I hope when you watch me walk away
You will see what I went through
Every time you forced me to say goodbye to you
May 2017 · 336
I'll Only Ask Once
I do not ask that you understand my choices
You need not support them
Or agree with them

But please
Do not look so hurt
When I made it clear my dreams
And you refused to get out of the way
May 2017 · 346
The Last Time
I have been loved a million times over for my body
If that's all you want
Get in line with the rest of the want-to-be men I've rejected in the last year

But if you can see my mind and want that
If you desire deep conversations past our capabilities to understand
If you want someone who knows how to never stop talking
But also knows when holding hands in silence is the most powerful statement of love
Then I will try with you

If you can look at my heart
And see the broken, mismatched pieces
And still want to love and be loved by it
Then I am yours

But if you don't want those things then please,
Do not ever bother me with petty lust not deserving of time
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