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Sarah Apr 2016
you're so ***** but I'm darker than
your fingers are afterwards
and i'm thinking about you in the bathwater, colors draining our
sounds it's not loud enough I JUST want
the music crashing off the tiles and the walls
you're playing harpstrings down my navel, strum
me with the high notes and I'll sing on my knees for you,
my flute, my trumpet, orchestra
of desire I want to be your muse
natural forms, still life in the sunlight
sketching the motion of it all slow and languid brushstroke beginnings
and then crescendo and fingernails down your back your hands
painting my hips I want every touch in
every stroke instant in a snapshot
in a frame black and white wildfire
neon when the art is tired
spill the paint all over me bristles
brushing against us oh my god
how do i tell you i want it in my veins
in my lungs
handwriting down my arms scribble over
the mistakes cliff hanging on my collarbone
don't worry
my neck will be your secret, I'll keep your
words safe whisper your stories all over me
I want to wake up poetry I want to wake up novella
canvas symphony love me
like a masterpiece
i dont wanna touch the ground
Sarah Mar 2016
my skin is a casket and
my voice is hoarse from calling
myself back to the ocean shore
*please come home, my forgotten soul
how will a corpse breathe on its own?
taking my cheeks in the palm of your hand
Sarah Mar 2016
ask me about my safe place
and i'll tell you about mirrors
three and a half walls is what i remember
a little cracked because you leave the fear
with your shoes at the door, bow before you step in
eyes closed, breathing in
rivaling your reflection and rest assured,
you will be stronger than before
i want to write about uniforms pristine and fists clenched and how proud i was of every little step closer to the front line but the strength is in the moments i can count over my knuckles over and over again :
i. red moon scars bisecting the destiny lines i don't care about but look black belt! look how tight my fists are
ii. walking down the street us three brown brown black mothers suddenly in front of their little ones and HYAA! from every third passerby; downtown is so beautiful
iii. sensei's office: trying not to cry because it takes all i have to crawl to the dojo every monday and by the time i'm standing there hands flat by my side the three strips on my brown just aren't good enough, 'thank you for coming today'
iv. third time i have passed out in the past half hour but you're making me get up get up get up spinning hook kick i nearly pass out again because i DID IT
v. ichi nee san **** it's all japanese translating into 'i bully you because you are strong enough today' snap kick, in your face
vi. coming home comparing the bruises my mother is smiling shaking her head and her own is begging us to please just quit
vii. the living room is our own little battleground I'M TRYING TO WATCH THE NEWS GO BREAK YOUR BACKS IN YOUR OWN ROOMS
viii. i have muscles no you can't make me shut up
ix. the morning after: every limb creaking like abandoned warehouse floors but i'm relishing the burning with every turn of my head, stretch of my legs because it aches sweet like valour sweet like brave
x. just the stairs we used to choose the elevator over because yellow belts what do you want from us, just the dread of mondays and thursdays dissolving into bliss in meditation, just my legs dragging me back to war when the rest of me would very much rather be back in bed but it's been an entire week without punching bags and i miss the victory when you hit and the nobility when you miss miss miss and just the burning pride watching my baby brother punch so hard my little sister and her leg flying well above her ahead and just
knowing that i will never ever be afraid
ode to karate
Sarah Mar 2016
i'm scared of the untruths, the trailing explanations,
the yeah
i love you too
the fillers in between two halves of choking out reality, the enjambement, the space
the empty when someone decides
to wrap secrets in the words they won't say
i've never known how to leave the ellipses dangling off my fingers
in handshakes, embraces, goodbyes
every utterance is a full sentence
nothing hidden away
love in implication, leaving in the pauses between the sighs:
are you breaking my heart or is this the way you say good night
i don't understand
can we forget about it
Sarah Mar 2016
you told me you cared about me

take these pretty words, please
beautiful in poetry, art stains on napkins
left behind on trains when the night ends, whispers
to ceilings in the dark but to me,

this is terror down my spine run run
run i don't want to hear the rest of it

how you'll be there when i can't
breathe PLEASE it's happening already
the fear in every joint screaming escape
when you open your arms wide
how i can tell you everything that keeps me
awake as if my mouth is a faucet
confessional already dripping all over me
as if just you can trust me can
save me
instead of breaking me
as if you've never known how easy
it is to feel safe in a lie
and we're burning all the bridges now
Sarah Feb 2016
half a flashback
and my head is cradled
in her lap and those long fingers
would have been braiding whispers
into my hair if it wasn't for
math class - voices splashing
all over the walls but
it's the quiet humming around
us; i wanted to tell you
that when i'm alone
i think of all the places
that i might just have
been home
youre so cold
Sarah Feb 2016
poetry has been eluding me
I'm hunting the words down with blood
stained palms; can't you hear me?
am I bleeding too quietly

my heart holds no names any longer
these are crevices I want to
paint all over again
I want it ***** under my fingernails I want
it greasing my hair I want art crawling up my
arms I want it in the dark in the quiet I want to
be consumed in colors I'm afraid to inhale
devour me, poetry
I am only the lungs
you are the air
i need u
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