his lips tasted like cranberry juice
cranberry juice and gin
he had *** earlier
but nothing
will ever be as strong as that cranberry

cranberry
simple
complete
cranberry

everyday my sister takes a glass
a red glass
a cup
and she fills it with cranberry juice
takes a sip
and that´s when i fall apart

cranberry juice
him
me
and cranberry juice

red cranberry juice
never ha a drink turned so sinister
i miss that cranberry taste
your lips on mine
but i promise i don´t miss you
i can´t miss you

someday
i will be able to taste again
but you numbed my taste buds
numbed me

do you still drink it
you you even remember
what you drank that night

do you remember
how much you smoked
i could smell it
taste it
but nothing was stronger
or sweeter
than lose cranberry lips

hold me again like that
ask if i´m okay

let me taste your cranberry lips again
i´ll stop calling you my monster
let me have another taste
i miss your lovely lips
the scruff of a beard coming in

guys with beards remind me of you
but everything reminds me of you

your beard
scruff
it was scratchy
but pleasantly mixed with cranberry

i wasn´t a fan of cranberry
then i was the biggest

now i can´t even look at a bottle the same

Is it better to have your father
To have your father around
Do people with runaway dads
Do they wish they’d come back

But they don’t understand
They don’t understand
Having a father who’s by definition
There
That isn’t there is far more worse

It feels as though
They don’t have to deal with
Scanning the crowd
Every concert
Every game
Every speech
Every **** day
Looking for him
Wishing he was there
But
Instead he’s sleeping

You never get to receive a hello
But neither do I
Don’t mistake me for privileged
When I have to deal with
An absent father
Whos is there
But doesn’t care
About you

People don’t understand
What it’s like to not be the favorite
To have favorites in a family



Maddy
Maddy
Maddy
Where am I
Where am I
Where am I
I know it’s not maddy’s fault
I don’t blame her
I don’t hold it against her
I hold it against you

I don’t tell people
Because then they’ll feel bad
And the worse thing
Is to be
One of those people

I left my orchestra concert
I started crying
Do you even know
The sounds
A cello can make

I left my soccer game
I’d rather go hide in the port-a-*****
Then run down the field
And not see your face
Score a goal without you there
I don’t play defense anymore
Did you know that
Do you even care

I don’t have a dad
I have a sponsor
Someone that feeds
And clothes me
Barely

I don’t have a dad
I have a runaway
That stuck close to home

I’m there to do chores
To clean
Sweep the floor
Take out the trash
Collect it
Fold the laundry
For everyone
Bring in the groceries
While a ghost sits
And drinks the beer up

I have a spirit in my house
That calls me names
I have a lost soul
That clings to a lost home
Punching a door
Slamming into the bathroom wall
Is that your symphony
It’s my fault you know

I don’t have a father
Did you know
I disowned my connection
Before he could disown me

It’s better to not know
Not to know the truth

It drags on
Four more years
But i’ve been saying
Blank more years
For fourteen years

Runaway dads
They still remember birthdays
But not my spirit

Four concerts a year
Four concerts a year
For five years
For five years
One
Grand total
Did you enjoy
Jingigle bells in C major
Before i knew what c major was

Did you enjoy me
Breaking my tooth in 7th grade
Oh wait you weren’t there

At least with runaway dads
Slob lazy liar
Don’t mean anything
Neither does theif

So as arrogant as it sounds
Enjoy your runaway dad
While i enjoy my spirit

i cling to these words
lost in the meaning

writing for pleasure
but now because i´m told
what do i do
these words i´ve written foreign
who was i

who am i now

lost in the rules of the world