"I had a crush"

You were cute, you were smart,
You were high up in my chart,
You smiled and you talked,
You were compelling me to stalk,
You used to sit beside me and made me feel so free,
Didn’t you know I had a crush only on thee!!

But you made me sick, with your ***** tricks,
When you used me after all,
But I didn’t care, and why should I?
You were not really an apple of my eye,
Seriously, you weren’t that wonderful guy.

But before that time, I had never changed my mind,
I always had a crush on you,
And I often pondered,
I often wondered,
If you had it on me too!

*

Prolonged stares, prolonged talks,
Those gifts and chocolate box,
And that sweetness, and that smile,
That uniqueness of your style,
The girl, you were busy trying to get through me……
Didn’t you know that I freaking knew...
what exactly you were planning to be!!

But I didn't mind,
Look, I was so kind,
After all, she was my only friend,
And I also knew,
That she hadn’t got…
Even a bit of crush on you.

Oh! then you never talked , and neither did I,
We both know the reason why,
Now, I don’t care whatever you do,
It has always been good to be without you.

I hope to collide, someday, sometime,
Hurriedly walking through corridor,
Books fallen,
 papers scattered,
and my bag crashed to the floor,
And then “Sorry,” you’d say, my eyes up and now on you,
Falling,
                                                   ­                             
Falling,

  Falling hard,

       And I hope, so do you…

Sometimes I lay under the night, gaze upon a star,
Conceal a forgotten past, grieve upon a scar,
Some mistakes were made, not so cruel, not too intense,
But in arrogance and ignorance, that remain too huge to make a sense.

The footprints of those missteps, lay buried under time,
Too distant, too deep, unlikely to be exposed,
But what about the heart that stay frozen under guilt?
Will I recover? Will I forget? Will my shattered heart be rebuilt?

**“Grieve no more, oh heart!, don’t let yourself be burnt,
Some mistakes have to be made, some lessons have to be learnt,
Some decisions, some choices are meant to leave you contrite,
Because unless you know what’s wrong, how will you know what’s right?”

Like the music that echoes, among the songs unheard,
The face that smiles, among the pictures unseen,
The words that appear, in letters unwritten,
And the rainbows emerging in the sky unobserved,
I know for people I do not exist,
But there’s bugging confession that I cannot resist…
“Who said I am not there around anymore?
Everytime you call, everytime you do, I am there always, standing at your door.”

Like the flowers blooming in the plants, ungrown,
The images flashing in the dreams unseen,
Colors glowing in canvas left blank,
And the rooms resting in the houses unbuilt,
Its true I am gone, and I won’t be seen,
I have left some mess, that can’t be cleaned,
And that’s precisely, why I am not worth your tears,
Neither do I deserve your dreams or souvenirs,
And it’s a well known fact that I do not exist,
But there’s bugging confession that I cannot resist…
“Who said I am not there around anymore?
Everytime you call, everytime you do, I am there always, standing at your door.”

Burn me to ashes that’s what you need to do,
And I know, precisely, that you don’t have a clue.
Why should you cry and pray for me to come back?
Your life is complete, there’s nothing that you lack,
But still I am here, yes, I am right here.
I am here always, I will never disappear,
But I won’t be seen, and I won’t be heard,
You have had enough, I won’t say a word,
But in the chirps of the birds, you will find my voice,
In the light of the sun, I will help you make a choice,
In the darkness of the night, I will be the moon,
And in the sadness of melodramas, I will be your cartoon,
In the greatest of your times, I will be your smile,
And I will be in your hope, when life is fragile,
In the beats of your heart, in the memories of our past,
In every second of your present, I was never outcast,
So wipe your tears, I am not gone,
The night is over, and there’s a new dawn,
“So, the who the hell said I am not there anymore!
Everytime you call, everytime you do, I am there always standing at your door.”

I asked again but my hope refused to extinguish,
It smiled and told I had always been distinguished.
So, I kept checking my mail box even if it seemed lame,
I kept waiting and waiting but that Hogwarts letter never came.

Eleven progressed to twelve, twelve to thirteen,
Mistaken- I thought-they must have been,
Meanwhile I did my own reading and learnt all the curses,
And with the wand I never had I practiced all the verses.

First of September arrived again, and again, and again.
And with the years that passed, so increased the pain,
“So the age limit isn’t actually eleven!” then I optimistically thought,
“Oh! What a brutal test of patience they cleverly plot!”

Pictures in newspaper don’t move, brooms yet don’t fly,
And yes there are times that these thoughts make me cry,
“Hogwarts doesn’t exist”- Oh! These oblivious muggles continue to tell,
Deep down they are just jealous that they just can’t cast a spell,
“Well, can you?” they ask laughing and teasing,
Their voice brimming up with sarcastic appeasing…
“Not yet” I silently speak, “Just wait for days some...
My pretty little Hogwarts letter is just about to come.”

You wish I was there,
That I hadn’t gone,
With tears streaming down,
You fell asleep sad and torn.
You dreamt that I held you…
And told you “It’s okay”
But Oh! Dear, love!
You never needed me to stay.

Come with me, oh, dear! Let me take you there,
This world isn’t good for you, it’s greedy and unfair,
Come with me to the place, where sun rises up high,
Enlightening the buried hopes in hearts of you and I,
Where greed has no place,
Where anger has no face,
Where clouds shower happiness, high up from the sky..

Come with me oh!dear, where nights are not dark,
Where moons shines up so bright that even dawn blush to embark,

Come with me to the place where there will be no more pain,
Just close your eyes and dream and don’t wake up again.

How many days have you forgotten? How many days are there to forget?
How many deeds have got you deceived? How many are there that you regret?
Crushed under opinions, hidden behind good impressions,
Caught up in denial, under vain beautiful expressions,
The clock is ticking; the so-called time is flying by…
And yet you lie stuck searching for the I in your I…

Adapting, conforming, certain things have to be learnt
Lost and confused yourself, some dreams have to be burnt…
Between the choices of rights and wrongs,
You stretched ignorance for too long…
Now, relevance doesn’t make sense,
The prospect of living is too intense,
There is a thin line between the choice -whether to live or to die…
Just how far will you go to find the I in your I?

Why should you chase the sound if echoes are perfectly fine?
Why should you chase chaos if life is perfectly aligned?
Tired of possessing things that you don’t even deserve,
Tired of invading space that you should have reserved,
A persona is all you have, Identity is long gone lost
A thing you thought you bought; now you have to pay the cost.
And the clock is ticking and ticking; the so-called time is flying by…
And yet you lie stuck searching - **Where is the I in your I?

So, the rat went on this trail that was open, wide and broad,
Running and running, he chased all those who were aboard,
He ran and he sped, he left more and more behind,
And among all the cheers spent on him, his own he couldn’t find.
But following other rats was in fact perfectly fine.
His proud parents, his envious friends- How could he ever mind!
So, he ran anyway, his stars were aligned,
So what if his life was something that he never got to define!

The rat kept running on the track, dodging every attack
He learnt what they taught,
They told him and he sought,
They lied and he bought,
He never questioned, he never thought,
For himself he never fought.
And he ran anyway, he didn’t seem to mind…
So what if his life was something that he never got to define?

But then one day he stopped.
Horror, shrieks, jaws were dropped,
Ridiculed and laughed at,
Such ungrateful little brat!
And then wits came back to him consisting mostly of fear,
Vision had been hazy but now the track again was clear,
So, he ran again, he didn’t seem to mind,
It was foolish of him to ever have resigned,
It’s a rat race *******! Running is all you have to do.
You think of Stepping out of it? What are you, a fool?

The little candle stood in the day,
silently shedding its light...
Unnoticed, neglected,
it hoped, cried, and prayed for the night...

At last when the night arrived,
when the day had gone..
cherished, celebrated,
it smiled, burnt and led you to the dawn.

Oh! Bird! Oh! Yellow bird! To where did you fly?

Gliding through the air, swimming across the sky?

Would we meet again? Maybe chat a little?

Share the stories of clouds and how in sky they lay littered?

I’ll tell you the tales of chaos, mess and confusion,

Greed, pleasure, money, loneliness and seclusion…

Of happiness and sorrows,

Useless hopes of better tomorrows,

Of unanswered questions and unexplained meaning

of living, dying and dreaming.



Oh! Bird! Oh! yellow bird! Where have you gone?

Come back! Maybe chat a little? I sit here sad and torn.