i find myself reflecting on my girlhood
what should’ve been
i grieve the girl i could’ve been
if these addiction genes didn’t flow so steadily
like an unwavering whirlpool
it wasn’t your fault your mom didn’t care for you
but why couldn’t you care for me
we all have  ways to cope
mine is taking pen to page
yours was needle to arm
i grieve for the girl you should’ve been
for the mom you could’ve been

i think i am in love with your soft rain
the sound of the pitter patter against my window sill
your sweet sound putting me gently to sleep
caress the flesh and bone feeling so calm
calloused fingers through my hair
play me a song
something that reminds you of me
something gentle
the thought of you so riveting
messy
and clean
and full
love that cannot be tarnished
love so alive and dramatic
love that can only exist in the mind of a
hopeless romantic.

i see her in every woman i meet
every woman who provides me with comfort
the comfort i craved when i was four feet tall
i see her in every woman i meet
in every addict standing outside a gas station
i see her in every woman i meet
hoping one day it will all be fake
hoping to feel cared for.
hoping when i wake up it will all disappear into
atoms
and they will rearrange themselves
and they will make you appear
and you will look at me
eyes glazed over
and you will say sorry
and i wouldn't be a sad little kid anymore
you will say you love me
and i will stop looking for love in everyone i meet
i will be a daughter
i will be your daughter