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saige Mar 2018
I dared myself to jump
Because you wouldn't
saige Feb 2018
Everything kind of stops for a moment
not a minute
just a blink
not a wrinkle in time
more like a spasm

Everything kind of sinks for a moment
swirls and kicks in
everywhere it hurts
as you search for
what we couldn't save

Everything kind of bends for a moment
doesn't snap or
really change but
the pact-making starts now
and stretches on toward forever

Everything kind of skips for a moment
once I spot blond
bobbing the lake
not a promise
still, you're safe

Everything kind of blurs for a moment
white sunshine and
muddy drips and
heaving ribcage
all else is blank

Everything kind of clears for a moment
clouds and doubts and
here's some air if you need it
or simply want to
wear my lungs out

Everything kind of starts in that moment
nothing far-fetched
this is us now
carried over
from your close call

Everything kind of stops in that moment
not a minute
just a blink
almost missed it
barely lost you
so let me love you
and this time not
just for a moment
saige Mar 2018
Lyrics in her face
blaze, from screen to mouth
bony thumb, scrolling
mumbling into an ancient microphone
hanging from the rope swing
in her garage.

Voice shakes here, shivers there
but ****
she is soulful.

Authentic, exquisite
in holey socks and wet hair
and goosebumped arms
getting swallowed by a hoodie.

*******, she has it all
and gives it nothing.

Some of us are simply stunning
no spray tans or updos
no sequined skirts or stiletto shoes
no autotune or makeup kits
no words-

only nothing
could improve her.

Nothing could improve her.
some soul i used to know
saige Feb 2018
so pour the blame on me
the shame's already there
i begged you
to call the shots
then dared that you took
them in the dark
now i'm taking
bullets you aimed at yourself
but surely it won't **** me
to keep our love alive
no, that's a sacrifice
i'm simply
too late to make

so leave
the blame with me
the shame's
already here
saige May 2018
i woke with a **** and
a windpipe full of butterflies, so i
swallowed them down to my chest
my stomach and below and
it was then that i realized
they weren't butterflies
but backward flies
that turn to maggots and
eat dead things

so it was then that i realized
i was dead, in between that
chasing-my-breath consciousness and
sepia splotched dream
which featured my favorite
human being
waking me, winding me
up...

hey saige, come on, so i
unlocked my eyes
even though i knew it was my
little brother
all along...

bright
cobwebbed windows at my
feet and
brighter fringe above me
brushing my forehead, like fingers
he leaned
over me, nudged me
hugged me, come on
saige...

i began to rise, which is why
he stopped me, that's when he
kissed me, and that's when i
forgave him
because i knew it was
an accident
except for, that was when
he did it
again...

my lips inside his, and
i kept my eyes
open
kept telling myself to
just kiss back, since we'd
already ruined everything, because
that was all he
wanted
because maybe
we could go back, maybe we'd still be
inseparable if
i hadn't screamed, enough!
maybe nightmares
are second chances at
being better
best friends...

i was torn
worn threadbare and i felt it
in every fiber of me
lying there, but i couldn't
pull away and i've
never wished to hurt him, so i
couldn't push, either
just clamped my eyes
shut, as he did the same
with his mouth...

and that was when
i woke
without a soul nor a shame
save for the maggots
in my veins
saige Sep 2018
she blamed it all
from roots to stars
said,
i've been *******
from the very start of this
sorry death wish
of a chance

she hated rain
she cursed the sun
said,
i really coulda been someone
if my chips weren't cashed
my cards weren't stacked
against
me
before i was even

here on this
wrong
planet
i've been
dropped off
to
die on
this
wrong
planet

and die is what she did.
saige May 2018
i recall the night you
shrugged and said
(whilst drinking on the roof of a
baptist church
which was, the closest either of us
will ever get to heaven)
"we're just the crackheads of
hollywood
without the fame and
without the drugs and
we can't afford to die at
twenty-seven
so we go crazy on the dime
and that's all right
because life sure likes
to take its time
draining the stars
from our eyes..."
saige Mar 2018
If we want to stay alive,
we get old.
And if we want to stay young,
we get over getting old.
saige Dec 2018
He can be my
Sunshine
And I can be his
Icarus
'Cause I'm already his
Lazarus

Every night,
He brings me back
To life

Can I bring him back
This time?
saige Mar 2018
her bangs shed like ash
vesuvius rejected
molten aqua gaze
haiku
saige Apr 2018
in the woods
my breath glows in the dark
like writing his name
with a sparkler
the start is ceased
before the end is created
and this sigh is long
funny thing, breathing is
how i only remember i'm doing it
when it starts to hurt
or when his kiss haults it
from happening
or when it's so cold and black
and lonely and lost
and i can't miss it
kind of feels a lot
like loving
some here-and-gone and
shaky proof of life
a little puff
in the woods
i watch the warmth of me
drift and dissipate
into onyx air
and skeleton trees
and shy stars
and i don't want to breathe
deeper than i love
so, as my heart bleeds
and weeps with my lungs
and my feet
pat roots and moss
i leave these woods
i run to him
saige Jan 2018
There was a time I remembered
Billowing blinks, yet still i saw
Those were the worst; minute's embers.

Oh the faces of the withered
Charcoal and chalk, but aren't we all?
Those were the worst; autumn's embers

Old ghoulish grove, did I quiver?
Or free the fox from where he clawed?
There was a time I remembered.

Odes to ice rung by crossed fingers
Once was a first, and thrice too far
Those were the worst; seconds' embers.

Have I a spark to crown as clever?
Brazen and jeweled, did that queen fall?
There was a time I remembered.

These ashes I beg to hinder
Don't taint the ticks on chambered walls
There'll come a time I'll remember.
I was the worst; always embers.
saige Mar 2018
wow
i felt the rush of serenity
hit me like rain
singing down an old black river
now
surely the ruins inside of me
have taken root and
the blooms will bleed together
saige Jan 2018
So I suppose I like to **** at prose
But I'm not a rhapsodist, no
Just a rambler,
A mangler of words

I like to fancy myself somewhat of a bard
When really, I just fiddle around on the guitar
Tickling strings until they
Giggle their tunes into me

And sometimes, I'll pull the strings
So they can pour their songs
Out of me.
saige May 2018
you came, you saw, you cousin of mine
i welcomed you in, it'd been a long time
(and we had another good, long time)

waiting for you to quit going on about
dance recitals and tablet games and
going broke at age ten and
loving cheese but hating macaroni and
running suicides at school and
drawing mannequins and eyeballs and
playing hot cross buns on the recorder and
showing off tuxedo kitty pictures and
mickey mouse impressions and
how sugar-ridden you like your sweet tea and
how many fairy hairs you can have and
how many cookies your troop sold and
how many more selfies we can take before you have to go back home and-

what the hell is wrong with me?
next time i see you, it's unlikely i'll be
lucky enough to receive a "what's up"
because you'll probably be a teen
drooling over boys on your screen and
flat ironing your hair and
snapping photos of yourself and
dancing on broadway or
winning project runway or-

maybe i've got some growing up to do
before you beat me to it
saige May 2018
the day ends again
so the feuding begins
because folks 'round here
like shooting in the dark
and my life's on the line
it whines behind my eyes
but my mind's on
wherever you are

it's been a lifetime of
long, long days
and even longer nights

so let me fight
for a fool
i've done a lot of things right
you can't deny
though i'm a fool
i'm still the last one on
your side
soon the sun will rise
and maybe i'm a fool for
laying down my life, oh i'm
just a fool, but i'll die
your hero any night
lord knows why
all this fighting for you's
keeping me alive...
saige Nov 2018
What it feels like to fear
he'll **** his own god
and that's what she is
his name leaving her lips
is gospel.

She doesn't believe in god
but she believes that she would
go to hell if it existed
and there she would have
an iv jammed in her jugular
full of the blood
of the people she killed
coagulating with hers
caught in her circulatory system
like frozen water
in a garden hose.

The veins in his wrist
are green like copper
deceptively dull
hiding the wolf
howling in his pulse.

They were special
they were the snowflake
that caused this avalanche.
saige Jan 2018
I'll see you through past Winter's end
Wisps of frost to tempt me in
A frozen breeze may hold me still
Where nothing lies, and nothing will.

I fought for love through suffering
Forced to lose for fear I'd win
Hope lost its lure by Winter's end
And yet I'll find you once again.
·
I'll meet you in Spring's finest song
A haze of fortunes there and gone,
Where flowers taint the frigid truth
I beg my heart remembers you.

Thunder fades, storms pass along,
The winds die down, but I'll rage on
I'll dance away Spring's sweetest song
And dance again, once it's done.
·
I'll meet you along Summer's edge
The days will sink, but I won't rest
I'll melt beneath the bitter skies
Desperate for my thoughts to lie.

I'll strike a dream to frighten doom
Still destined to lose sight of you.
While crossing over Summer's edge
I beg my heart to dare forget.
·
I'll see you after Autumn's run
Between the leaves, against the sun
In a trance of comfort growing cold
Held apart, without a peace to hold.

To save what's due to lose its worth
For the sake of love, freed from hurt
But I'll fail to alter Autumn's run
With a wish I risked to waste on us.
·
If I close my eyes, I'll see it now
Regardless of what fate allows
Forced to fight and sworn to win
I've learned to love through suffering.

Breathing as the seasons sigh
Forging ways through changing times.
I close my eyes, I see you now-

            It is here that I first saw you,
And loved you through a thousand ends.
          It is here that I last lost you,
And yet I'll find you once again.
saige Apr 2018
those eyes have always been the only
map
through the minefield of your
mind
the rush, the feathered touch of
another brush with
"run for your life!"

(i shouldn't be so
surprised)
saige Mar 2018
fame won't follow art
they said
yet
by coloring beyond lines
he drew attention
saige Nov 2018
First it was pancakes
Then strawberry milk
Then frozen mini pizzas
Didn't taste the way
They always had

But I sure kept trying
With apple juice from a glass
Then a box and swirly straw
But the crust
Still wasn't soft enough

So I gave microwaving a shot
Years and years of beeps
But the cheese was crunchy
The centers, icy

So I tried thawing, soaking
Kids Cuisine and Lean Cuisine
And even Lunchables
Just in case the companies
Had fooled me, ruined the recipe
But none of them were bad
Just not great
Like they used to be

So I blamed my taste buds
For maturing
Copying my imaginiation
Christmas used to be funner
Summer used to be longer
Mini pizzas used to be delicious

Well
Today I cracked the code
I was in a rush
Like Mama used to be
Didn't let the oven preheat
Just slid in a tray of
Frozen mini pizzas
Kicking myself for procrastinating grocery shopping yet again and -

Beep!
The timer blared, the smoke alarm
I burned my finger, then my tongue
But didn't care because
My taste buds
Hadn't forsaken me
After all

The crust was chewy
The cheese was gooey
I'd done it
I was six years old again

Now if only
I can find a trick
That works for Christmas
saige Jan 2018
If these hills had eyes
They'd see me act a fool
Dancing as the sky turns
Darker than the pools of blue
Spread across the bay
Just dawn it was I came upon a place
Far beyond daybreak
A place
To wish you away
saige Sep 2018
when the sky above
is about as gray as the
horse you're riding on

Go home.
saige Apr 2018
She runs too fast
So mom doesn't like her
She jumps too much
So dad doesn't, either
Because freedom means
Muddy floors
And bath times mean
Another world war
But affection
Is really all she lives for
And dang, do I love her
Even if
Walking this dog is like
Riding a bull
(I want to hold on forever)
saige Mar 2018
wings snapped like wishbones  
save for the thrill and fortune
least, of the good sort
saige Apr 2018
this is heaven to me
this isn't happening to me
he is too good to be
next to me

beside the pane
i watch the stars from
the one i trace
raindrops down
and open when
it snows
alone

but not for once
not for now
this nightfall comes
together

i pull him close
and want him closer
who cares where heaven is
when there's an angel in
my room
saige Mar 2018
i peeked
as we kissed
just one eye
felt like a sin
until i saw
heaven
in his lashes
saige May 2018
us, no saints
no slaves
to religion

but, the ants that carry caskets
scared me with their
marble crosses
and long necks wrapped in rosaries

so, i hit my knees
split them wide open
(little red seas)
the night you kicked the
bucket
(just keep knocking)
saige Mar 2018
she was one of those people who
rode her bike wherever she went
and wore butterflies in her hair
and ate everything with chopsticks
and laughed more than she talked
and shouted, "oh my stars!"
when heaven knows what she really meant
you know, one of them
saige Mar 2018
his dignity went missing in action
turned out to be
a prisoner of war

to hoax a virtue, she fed him champagne from her palms
there on the rose garden battleground
then chained him with her finger
strangled him with affections
aphrodisiacs laced with venom

that girl spun epic tales
everything a knight could dream to
wail drunk from

a lightswitch, is how she played
damsel to tyrant
and my brother, built of sheer trust
tripped for every bit of it
threw his heart her way
she ducked, unbeknownst to him
and love was all they spoke of
her's flat, his mountainous
and he glowed for a while
open arms and skies and woes
let pride fledge from the windows to his soul

of course, she sported pomposity
as if it were a twee, fluffy keychain
brassily bouncing against her candy apple carriage
modeled impudence like another bangle on her bronze wrist
what a mess of smacking lips and pursing pouts
batting caterpillar lashes, same as cracking whips
twirling obsidian curls with magenta claws
because everyone knows straw spins itself to gold
then alas, to black

mercy, he rooted for her
and boy, she ran with that
sprayed spite like perfume
spewed crooked olive branches and lucky clovers
elixirs of brown sugar and sweet pea until she was a dead ringer for
the cover of vogue magazine
glossy, bold, paper-thin and ****
then gone
or that gaudy billboard near exit ten
she posed like a lady of the night
but all he noticed was a princess
what a witch
what a sweet, stupid prince

nonetheless, my baby brother loves her
even after she's whittled him down
to a welcome mat for high heels to flounce over
'cause she can't have that trail of filth catch up to her
so in her wake
my best friend, my closest kin
sacrifices half his sanity
to cover her tracks
as he waits for
whichever comes first
his dignity, or her
to come crawling back
saige Mar 2018
when the days stop counting
and nothing adds up
to just take away from everything
at least we'll know better
than to think we'll ever know it all
saige Feb 2018
i want you to know
they're more than cliches
your eyes really put
sirius to shame

i want you to know
they're more than cliches
sparks really fly
some embers survive
and the moon sure does
light up your face

i want you to know
they're more than cliches
love sure isn't put
in our hearts to stay
i just want you to know
we are more than cliche
'cause it's really not love
until we give it away

and i really do
love you
more than
words can say
saige Nov 2018
Following your footprints
My favorite stepping stones
Even with a pebble in my shoe
It's finally in season
So I keep marching on
Forfeiting white flags *** I have you

And, which tree is that one?
Quick! Catch my balloon
God how I love watching you look
Up

Following your whistles
Jungles won't make me blind
I'll find you through the heatwaves and the blues
Every time

Where'd this leaf fall from since
The forest glows in your glasses
When you are facing the sky

Following your fingers
Won't get thorns in mine
Tell me stories about Blackie and Sunshine and
I'll be fine when summer's gone
I can skip the berries
*** you can pick the Blossom
And there are no thorns on fretboards

Oh,
So it's a sugar maple?
Lord knows I won't remember
But I'll never forget you
Looking up
you keep me looking up
saige Mar 2018
hindsight
blindsides us
again

my hero
with saltwater eyes
and caramel hair
but you can't see it while you're soaring

your angel
with stained glass eyes
and red velvet hair
but i can't see it while i'm falling

our story
dancing, drowning
your flashbacks swim in honey
mine in quicksand
what a beautiful way to forget
saige May 2018
stolen
mona
least
i
can
be
the
angel
in
the
marble
you
can't
set
­free
saige May 2018
eyes on god
but hands on me
that was the summer
the bamboo swallowed
the peach tree

eyes on you
and hands up sleeves
awaiting the winter
the shingles cushion
the maple's sink

don't touch me
while our world dies
saige Jan 2018
Even the wind
Was dying down
And I've already said it all
Without a sound
So take my hand
Look into my eyes
Together we can blow away
The sands of time

They said be brave
You've got to fight
But I'm so tired of being scared
Out of my mind
They said be strong
It's not too late
It wasn't long ago
I believed the words they'd say

****, we climbed so high
But even the brighest stars
Fall from the sky

So we're falling now

I just hope
That I can learn to fly
Before we hit the ground
.
saige Jan 2019
flat on my back on
the asphalt
like that fox a mile ago
cigar smoke and cold gusts
i watch the moon rust
and flick stars until they
dive like
paper airplanes
and see why
tis the milky way
midnight skies are white
when city lights
hush

pebbles get stuck to my cheek
the asphalt rumbles
i try to hear
earth's heartbeat
i'll die pretending
that it's yours
saige Jan 2019
You went from black to
Sunburnt
It's rust, you say
The moon turned pearl
Then blood
That same day
unbeknownst to him, my brother bought a maroon mitsubishi eclipse the day of the lunar eclipse.
saige Apr 2018
the baby doesn't know
the arms rocking him are bones
the woman feeding him is
weening him
onto life by
weening
herself
off

he doesn't see
her teardrops through his
own
he doesn't see
her eyes droop as his
close

she does her best to
save him
even if she cannot
raise him
and the lullabies get
softer

slower
shorter
still

the baby doesn't know
saige May 2018
"On the phone
you sounded like you
really needed someone."

empty eyes, a shade we designed
puff of a chuckle, i wince, you don't
even sigh

"I've been trying
to sound like that
my whole life."
saige Mar 2018
chase pretty colors
make galaxies from bruises
the truth ain't worth dirt
saige Apr 2018
so bad.
too bad,
so sad.
saige Aug 2019
Sure, I put the rouge in your eyes
And that apple in your throat
But relax, little boy
This is not a backstabbing
I am simply returning
Your godforsaken rib
i can rise without it
saige Mar 2018
she's a siren
in a wasteland
a tantalizing ebon-eyed angel
gloved in lacy little bralettes
cloaked by burnt hair
she lures, lulls
lashes curled
fingertips cold
while the world shifts and spins
she stays, a gravestone
her shape, the muse of every rave
from shakespeare to sheeran
skin, a minefield of goosebumps
freckles
and velvet
and that cookie cutter heart
inked into her collarbone
(i knew her before that, once)

before the toothpick cross
on her viola-neck-of-a wrist, too
plus the piercing in her naval
before those crystal charms that just dangle there
the ones her exes line up
to drop off
each april
before they slip into her bedroom
slide into those cheetah-print sheets
same ones they wove their
seeds and sweat and sins into
a handful of ages ago

amidst the haze that haunts those troops
i witness lust
a black hole masked by magnets
stained with cream-ridden coffee
reeking of mary jane and cake batter chapstick
(i gave her lip-balm for her birthday, once)

evermore and nonetheless,
armies drown themselves in
airport perfume
lilac bottles she trades her tickets for
because free spirits can't afford to both
stay in
and smell like
paris
thus, she stalls
until she passes as graceful
but zeus knows she can't settle
only lounge on her six-foot teddy bear
another birthday gift, another admirer
who isn't a secret as much as forgotten
(i almost forgot her, once)

i witness
the men on the moon march through
that war on mars, then straight into
a venus fly trap
goodhearted guys, who
could feed her the nile
from a golden spoon, who
would lasso stars and conquer nations
at her whim
become tumbleweeds
by the dozens, who
have offered that girl everything
begged her for the pleasure of ensuring
she never wants for a ****** thing
but what's it worth when all she wants is nothing?
(i kept my distance from the infection, once)

she's the one
who left her virtue in the circus
her victims in love
her past, inside plexiglass mirrors
her mother intoxicated
her father in the ground
her car crashed into a tree
but she's not complaining
she's just calling life as it happens
to waste her

(i kissed her, twice)
when i was 16
saige May 2018
there's this feeling i get
after firefights
when shells are still reeling
across the ice

and i'm still a little
blind and deaf
but the world's crystal clear
and i could just

crash to the ground and
cry like a kid
because fighting for you
kept me alive again
our world's gone
a bit blind and deaf
but i sense
our love will make it
out of this
saige Sep 2018
and all the teardrops
speckling your shirt
are just sparks from the torch
i should have passed down
long before now
my little brother let me weep
on his shoulder, through his sleeve
saige May 2018
The closest I'll get
To the Garden of Eden
Is the genesis on this
Battlefield

Bone of my bones
Were you taken from my rib?
Or, was I made from yours?
Well, I want back in
******* I want back in

Take my breath and
Run with it
And don't stop until you're
Home again

There's no brimstone below us
Just hell all around
And I've been ******
For so long

There's no kingdom above us
Just another angel down
And **** it all
If you're gone
saige Sep 2018
if i am a creature
capable of love
sure as sunlight blinds,
i love you.
so much that
loving you
might just be
my purpose.
and once,
i dared to think
that it was.
once,
before i became
a creature
who lost sight.
knock on my chest
hear it echo for miles
saige Jan 2019
Dumber than a bag of rocks
on its way to a fountain floor,
we sat like pretzels on a sewer pipe
ignoring coins in lieu of
watching stars, you watched the cars
and swore
I wasn't heartless

And ****
that really took me back

We shut our eyes until they leaked
and the highway was the ocean
oregon's chill, a seaside breeze

We grew wings

And your hair slapped
my cheek
splashing, dripping, laughing
And I couldn't hear a thing
yet it was music all the same

Now, dryer than the barbs in my knees
on the phone, on the run
You swear I'm still not heartless
just that same old stupid ***
And I know
we're finally coming back
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