and,
don't tell us what you're gunning for
just what you're running from.
Is it god? Your ma? Your mate?
Your fate?
A good answer is one which
avoids the question, son.
That's right, make us think
we were raised the same.

If money is evil
And life is worse,
What made you take
Both?

I remember now,
You robbed us so
You could fund your own
Coffin
Satin and polished wood
Have never been so
Expensive

(neither have glass guns and hell dust)

But you knew,
(what made you make sure?)
When this day came
(too soon too soon too soon)
None of us would
Find you

Nothing borrowed
(but time)
Nothing stolen
(but life)
Nothing missing
(but why)

Can't you return?

Meltdown after meltdown
I'm a mess and they know
The worst of me is always last to show
And it was a matter of minutes
Before he saw, so.

Even back then, I knew
Love takes work, it's worth it
But all I wanted was to hide
And for him to be
happier.

Now, I wish I could be like everyone
Everyone who knows how to love
Like my brother and parents and him
Because I loved him
I love him still
But sometimes,
I'm not sure if that's enough
I'm not sure if the way I love
Is worth much.

I'm not sure if love is magic
I think it's a choice
And I think I choose to love him
From a distance
Yet I missed him
From sundown to dawn
Again.

Ducking out of the tropics
And back to the tundra
Is what I've always done
When the sun gets too bright
Too hot, too fast
And last time the world froze,
I was afraid we'd never thaw
I was afraid I was heartless
But his memory reminds me
I must have heart,
Right?

For, something is wondering
Something is wishing
Something is wanting
And I don't understand, but
I miss his eyes and his hands
And his voice
And his smile
And his jokes
And his cats
And his coat
And his mother
And music
And hair
And hell
I don't even know
I just want him to be happy.

I just hope he's always happy.
And never cold.

I know you still can't breathe
And your ribs burn
But I love it
When I finish laughing first

Because for a moment
I am the insomniac
Enthralled by the lucid dreamer
(your eyelids flutter)
I am the Catholic
Entranced by the shameless drunk
(your hiccups slur)
And your giggles pop like
Bubble bath and boiled syrup

And everything is funny
Everything is spine-chillingly funneled
Your sprite and shrieks nosedive
Into my bloodstream
Spike my heartstrings
And your cheeks
Swell and splotch and squish
Into those sparkling eyes
Until they gush

And you try to stop it, but
Like gagging on lake water
You can't
Not until every sprinkle gets spewed
And baby, there is so much
So much beauty
Spawning inside of you
So much to share, and I starve for it
I soar with it

And for a moment
A dreamer stirs the city
A drunkard saves the world
The children stump the wisemen
As you shake the cobwebs
From your ribs

For one more second
Reality is fragile
Love is tangible
And nothing else is