I remember the first time you met my gaze
I was so curious as to what went on inside your
Head
What thoughts you’d have, what you’d do with your days
my curiosity turned into infatuation
I got lost in your maze
the deeper I wandered the closer you got
We met in the middle somehow
Where you set my heart ablaze
Loving you was everything but simple
It felt like every single season all at once and lasted decades
but all good things come to an end
for we are just thunder and rain
And in the end it’s just puddles of us that remain

I don’t know how to let you go
It seems like I’ve gone through every stage of grief
Every stage of withdraw
Loving you was more addicting than any drug
Loving you was more painful than any death
I could feel it flow it’s course throughout me
Never ending
Just multiplying
Within me

When things got tough
I could feel some secrete out of me like sap
Like as if I was a tree
Your tree
You could chop me up and each layer of me will have his own personal indentation
His mark
for I’m not me anymore I’m just whatever he sees of me
Chooses of me

Because his love is more suffocating than drowning
More excruciating than burning
More painful than dying
I just know that
if there was a hell
That he’d be the ruler
And I’d call it home

I opened my whole heart to you
like how surgeons open up chests to do surgery
You were the scalpel that sliced my skin wide opened
And there I was on display for your judgement.

That’s what it felt to love someone like you
The rawest form of judgement, no modesty was allowed
not a care, you were just in for a thrill
They say surgeons live to cut
Maybe you and surgeons aren’t that different
Except you didn’t cut me instead
your eyes pierced me
your voice paralyzed me
Your silenced poisoned me
And while I was on my knees
your touch crushed me

Whenever I have a bad day
I think of going to you
It’s like muscle memory for my brain
You’re the automatic comfort I seek
My safe person
Whenever I have the best day
I think of going to you
I wanna bask in the goodness with you
i love the look on your face when you feel proudness of me
I love celebrating with you
When I’m in trouble
I think of going to you
You know exactly what to say to me
How to deal with me
How to care for me
even if you think you have not a clue
Or are the worst at it
You’re the best at it in my eyes
I can’t imagine a world where I’m not navigating this crazy life without you by my side
Apart or together
You’re always near
And always there for me when life crashes
when you look at me
Time stands still
And my heart stops
And starts again at the bat of your lashes
And I feel myself fall again

I feel like a prisoner in my body
Like I’m decaying from the inside out
I barely remember what a deep breath felt like
Because I find that lately
Im drowning with every breath
Im sinking with each movement
Im losing my memories
The bad ones even the good ones too
My Mind is full of static
the silent kind
the silent unforgettable kind
I’ve lost myself in the sea of pain
And I’m sinking to the bottom
But
The more I sink the more peace I feel
I feel the weight of my world on my chest
The more I give in the less weight I feel
When I give all
And There’s nothing left
Not me
Not my memory
i feel true bliss in that moment
to be freed of the torture that is existing with this weight
With this pain
i feel like a prisoner
In my body

I lost myself in the maze that is your affection
the more I explored the deeper the connection grew
You showed me such beautiful sights, such colorful sensations
I never wanted to leave
you were all I needed
your love could’ve kept me fed for centuries
Only when
I felt you metastasized all over my body
Did I notice the weight of pain
That came along loving you
Loving you was like getting caught in a spider web and I got caught at the first sight of you
Your love turned from heavenly to deadly in just seconds
when you gave me the look I’ll never forget
A look that spoke loudly than any word in any language could express
You metastasized all over me to the point there was nothing of me left
Just endless you
Only you

when I feel something I feel it strongly, I feel it flow it’s course throughout my whole body, I feel it within me and circulating all throughout me.
Growing and strengthening and in some case worsening.
When I hate I hate with a passion
A hate that goes far deep, deeper than blood.
a passion so intense it could light a fire in an instant
A dangerous hate
an unforgettable hate
So when I say I hate you
I do
I mean it with all of me
Every fiber
Every cell
Every ending and beginning of me
Hates you
And there’s nothing anyone can do. Not you not me not any force
It’s just bound
You’re bound to it
I’ll forever have this hate
Maybe in death I’d be freed
but that would be letting you off the hook so easily
And someone as bad as you doesn’t deserve that
so when I say I hate you
I mean it
It’s a life sentence
Your sentence to be exact
And there’s no way to get out
No parole
No bail
for I put you on trial and I deemed you guilty
And it’ll never change
Just like you’ll never change

Intertwined with you early mornings and Late at night
There’s no other way I’d rather spend my time
than with you by my side

Man with the deep brown eyes
plump lips and textured hair
You make me feel a way I never thought I could feel again
I’m infatuated by you honestly
I’m so in love and yet it still feels like I barely know you
But just what I’ve seen I just love
I love you
I’ll always forgive you
I’ll always stick by you
I want to be by your side
I want to support you
I want you so bad

cursed little flower
doomed to have its roots decay high up in a tower
cursed little flower
no one dares to pick because her smell is sour
cursed little flower
hidden where light does not shine, deep so the darkness can overpower
Cursed little flower
always dreaming of tomorrow..hoping this hell won’t last forever
cursed little flower
is no more
She lost her battle

Dear you
It’s crazy that you were all I knew for so long
and now all I’m left with are mental scars that won’t seem to budge off of me
Dear you
I don’t know how to really word this
Or how I even feel about writing to you
I just been thinking about you
Trying to understand you
Understand exactly why you did what you did
And how I can forgive you
If I can forgive you
Dear you
Well to start I guess I should from the start
You stunned me in a way I never thought anyone could
You were like a viper
So majestic looking but holds a venomous bite
I Always was Intrigued by you,
At how you thought and saw the world
And the way you molded everything around you.
you held yourself up to a very high standard unlike most.
it was so easy to fall in love with you
It was so easy to be vulnerable with you
To knock down the fortress I made around me
And give you all the keys to my many doors.
It was natural
Not forced
Not pushed
Natural.
Loving you was natural and maybe that’s why I can’t wrap my head around what you did.
The love I felt with you
The love I gave to you
Is unlike any other and I am trying my very hardest to forget you but it seems that I simply cannot
And this may be an assumption but I know you don’t give a **** about me
I know you don’t care to know what has come of me

I don’t Know how to feel about myself
I don’t know where to start to build myself
I just want to ******* scream
Maybe I should scream
Everything I hate
Everything I despise
Everything I wish was different
Maybe I should scream
Till I lose my voice
So then my words won’t hurt people.
At least the ones coming out of my mouth.
I’ll be silenced.
Bounded to just my physical actions.
you know what they say, actions speak louder than words do.
Let’s hope for me that’s true

I feel like a prisoner in my body
And a slave in my mind
All the words coming out of my mouth
Seem to be pre-written
Destined to be misunderstood
Destined to cause me destruction.
And it’s because I fell at fault for your seduction.

Have you ever looked at someone you’ve known your entire life, and just not recognize them at all.
The words coming out of their mouth seem inaudible, words you never wanted to hear.
I didn’t know how much family meant to me, till I realized how broken my family really was.
I find solace in knowing we all may be growing, growing apart but at least we are growing.
I wish to god, I pray. That one day we all get back on our feet, and be together one day.
As a whole
As a family.
And not unknown strangers sitting at a dining table.

I’m sorry I’m in so much pain
I can’t breathe
All I see is black
All I feel is sorrow
I don’t want to be alive anymore.

I swear when I look into those ordinary brown eyes of his, I go into a whole other universe where the only thing that matters at all to me is taking in the most enchanting sight I will ever see. moments like these, i can’t help but dive deep. Dive soo deep, i might just lose myself along the way.

I’m so tired of crying everyday, I’m so tired of thinking about you when you’re obviously not thinking about me, I’m tired of loving you.

When I looked into his eyes, and saw them smilling at my soul, I knew I just knew I loved him.

I am a flower, a flower that was near its last days, hanging on its last petals
Till one day he came
He came into my life and suddenly it started to rain.
Suddenly I started to regain my color and my petals and I felt beautiful.
And it was all because of him
I only heard his voice, never saw his colors.
He was so distant from me but close
His voice was like a trail and I wanted to explore it so badly, to finally thank him.
I finally worked up the courage and every step I took, I said a reason why I loved him, why I wanted to thank him, how he changed my life, for the better.
I was finally there. About to look up.
I thought he was a flower just like me.
but he was much more

He was a rose, with the reddest petals I have ever seen. He was beautiful
But along with the reddest petals, he had the biggest thorns.
Even though we were close, I still couldn't touch him.
I realized he can only be with his kind
Not just a mere flower.
But he kept insisting
Trying to water me with his kind words.
But I knew when to stop
I knew when was enough.
A rose can't be with a mere flower.
A rose is too beautiful, and the mere flower is just distant from beautiful.

but the rose kept loving the flower, as the flower walked away.

the rose saw the flower lose all its petals

The rose saw the flower lose hope

and when the flower died, so did the rose

Even in death they were different but still just as in love.

If only the flower knew the rose was just like her

A seeker

Maybe then they could've stayed together

Days like this
With the rain pouring non stop
With the clouds hiding the bright sun
Filling the mood of the day with such sorrow
These are the kind of days
That make me think
About who I've become
Who i was
And how I can get better

People always fail to tell those in need
That things dont get better
But that they will always get better

Nothing is forever
Not even the blissful memories you have last forever

One day that one person you were so head over heels for will be a simple memory of a first love

One day
You'll regret giving yourself to that freshman year crush of yours

One day
You'll look back to everything you accomplished

And realize you made it through all the rough patches In your life

Sunshine, that’s what you were.
And like sunshine you were on a clock, ticking.
Soon would become night time
Maybe it was the distance but somehow
In a manufactured vile set of words
The mystery of our relationship became a toxic thing
That I alone was immune.
You turned into a language I am no longer fluent but can read perfectly
You turned into one of those never stopping rainy days that gave me
A twisted cloth of comfort that made me feel alone again.
I fell in love with you like a dream
Slowly falling into sweet bliss majesty of holding you
But like a dream it was all make believe,
I was left to bleed from our lashes of words
You apologize countless of times but each left a crack in my heart,
And with time it crumbled In your hand.
You yelled at me threw the phone for mistakes I didn’t make, but that you made
I learned to comfort you even when your beast lashed out
Because that’s what soul mates do, we never stop, never give up
Because there is always hope.
We were a whole god separated from birth destined to find each other again,
To love and care for each other till our worlds end
I did my part of our loves prophecy, and I deeply know you did
But some gods In the end turn out to be too different, too twisted to be loved.
The love I have and have felt for you was pure and true but you, your actions, you
You destroyed me to my core
And I couldn’t tolerate that anymore
I promise you this
I will love you forevermore
With such sweet passionate bliss