Why people cut themselves,
I would
never begin to understand.

ok. so now I am lying
because my cuts
were never truly planned.

I know why.
the pain.
the misery.
when it all becomes too much...

yes I know you think no one understands

that no one cares
its easy to pretend
that you're tough

and tried true-
your ******* up in the air
saying *******

when really everything hurts
trust me I know
I didn't cut because I have more scars on my wrist
than lines in a notebook

I was so spiral bound up inside
that I
I never told anyone
they just thought those lines were
accidental wounds in reality
but sadly this was just a self destructive behavior and mentality

but soon when I began to heal
my wounds became scars
mapping out like constellations and stars
all over my arms

I don't hide em
this is me
I wear them with pride
like the rings on my fingers
because I've promised myself
my fingers will never touch another razor blade

I've made progress
and the scars begin to dissipate
like it's all clear
no chaos no havoc

the bleedings receding
inside the darkness is fleeting
suffocation to
breathing

my heart.
my heart is now beating

and I can understand why pain reflects itself
projects pain in the form of self injury.

so I lied.
I always // knew // why.

Never meant to hurt you.
I'm sorry how I've made you sad.
you've been the first unconditional
love I've ever had.

this has been more than you think.

this hurts me, as it hurts you
permanent ink like a tattoo
you will never regret

never forget
I will never love you the same
not again like you love me
and I hope we can be friends.

you mean so much to me
I yearn to preserve what
we have between one another

I am not what you NEED
and will never be
I hope we can leave each other
so you
and I

can be happy.

I am sorry
so sorry, for hurting
you

please do not accept
this apology.

follow me into an eternity of
friendship that loves
and forget that pastime love
and the once pastime
"me"

In the infinite space, between the insane and the impossible, we look for ways to contemplate the strange and the implausible.

The shortest distance to a star, is the longest step in a human's mind, a constant calculation so hypothetical by design.

But in the midst of all these emotions an ethereal subconscious fight, to describe what makes us be in a world that lacks clarity of sight.

But to define is to avoid change in a world that was anything but, and to slow a passionate mind is a train one does not want to obstruct.

For obsession may be a younger man's game in the hindsight of wisdom's sarcasms, but the winner of the game is the one not falling in the chasm.

It's hard to keep from falling into the abyss of burning, always reaching for an asteroid never filling that inner yearning.    

But as we extend into the sky to touch the coldest voids of the universe, but we will bring the warmth of our light where ever humans may traverse.

(Am extremely large man standing at a sorely inadequate podium announces, in a softened loud auctioneer voice)

"Love to the highest bidder, a heart lies on the block. Who dares to start the bidding? Drift away from merely talk."

"Ahhh…however, just a little twist"

"Legal tender is no good here, put away your cash. Your credit matters not, just put down the stash. You had better have your merit, that’s the only way you're buyin' here. I hope you understand it."

(Flustered woman turns to leave, muttering, "Some auction!")

The large man continues…

"True, this may seem like an auction of the most material nature. But I assure you ma'am, You have every reason to stay here. Cause this is the infamous, No Gut Shot Block, where it's not so much about what you have, more to prove what have you got."

A woman from the crowd yells, "But I got all this money?"

"You can pay your way in other auctions, but not the one on this day. Yet I see your bid of impatience and that’s the lowest offer today. Who will be the next to place a bid, who will be the next one to call, which one of you is willing, to show this heart here one of your flaws."

"It's still an easy game…highest bidder takes the heart, but twist of this little game, is that to win is to completely fall apart…."  



…..A man walks by a door and hears women sobbing, and as he passes through a door he hears a women say, "Gentlemen, the bidding will begin shortly"…..

****** are the mouths that hide feelings behind teeth
Wishing for words not to become like sidewalks, concrete
Fidgeting ever so slightly nibbling calcium ends into the night
Down to the quick for worries never far from sight
Nothing to stop the freight train of pondering
No road blocks to keep a torn mind from wandering
Into process of thought that become so problematic
One can only sit back and look at just how tragic
The mind is…