It is my mind
and i will think what i want.

you speak to me about flaming lips
on fire in my regret.
you say wish you could be here
there's one seat left,
i grow older still
alone.

If you ask me, blissfulness is completely overrated.
It's a feeling too close to excitement and being giddy,
Except it lasts way longer.
It can be a terrifying feeling.
You feel like you're flying.
And your feet don't feel like they're hitting the ground
When you walk down the street.
You're high.
And you're not in control.
And you can't imagine what life could be like
Without this wonderful sensation coursing through your veins.
And once the feeling is gone,
Your feet feel like cinderblocks on the pavement.
And all you want to do is sleep.
And colors seem less vibrant.
Jokes aren't as funny.
Hugs aren't as warm.
...No...I'd rather feel content.
I find it much more appealing to be
Not completely unhappy,
But not too happy either.
And to feel like myself.
And to be in control.

If I promise to fall asleep fast tonight
And wake up early tomorrow,
Will you promise not to be in my dreams?

I have forgotten how happy this makes me
But I am grateful for it

Grateful for the mistakes
For the learning that comes from the ****** up things my mouth does
When all I wanted was for you to laugh

I am thankful for the laughter
And the overwhelming smile that I am normally self-conscious of
When the laughter makes me think how much I love you

Come sit with me in the middle distance
Between the times I want to remember forever
And the fast approaching future
That I don’t want to miss without you

It’s not gay when we hold hands in public
Unless we’re being gay about it

Look around
Who is staring?
They’re just jealous of the love

Thank you so much for getting me
When I feel no one else does
For understanding me so perfectly that
You can stop my stupidity mid-sentence
Just by saying my name

Say my name again like a double negative

Let my mouth slip a little further into absurdity

Thank you for the dancing
On dimly lit dance floors
Slick with sweat
And scuffed with heel-heart grace

I want to remember my awkwardness like a scar

Your smile is a scar reminding me of us
When I begin to tell these stories again

Like that time I broke into a car to steal him a pack of smokes

Or when we sat in her car after class til 2 am just talking
Just laughing

When I remind her how much I like kissing her
Especially when we’re drunk
Sloppy and passionate

When I pull my face from yours
And you smile so beautifully

When I slept on her couch because I didn’t want to go home that night
So I treated her to pho the next morning

When I held her after drinking
Under blankets she warmed in the dryer

Every time I tell them I love them
I mean it

When they taught me how to dance
When grace is something I never needed
To move like this feels good

The beer
And the tears
The laughter
The mornings after

I am grateful because of you
And because of you
I am full of greatness

Full of can-do-fire
And won’t-quit-cliché-heart
Full of first attempts with the goal to fail
Because I want to experience it all

With you

So thank you
For the laughter
And the dancing
And the awkward scar smiles
That reminds me how worthwhile living is

It is worthwhile
Because of you

Mixed amongst my nightmares is one much more terrifying
Yet this one brings me serenity when I need it most
the nights twist and tear my heart and overwhelm my senses
my senses drain out the wounds they create
She exist in the worst of all, because it is only a dream
we share our hearts and our bodies mingle
for all the pain I may receive-- its rewarded ten fold
*unfinished