Lying in your room we stop time.
Any other time and place we are left sinking through seconds toward our fate but we float late nights in your room trapped in the amber.

 The fluid and constant second hand clicking away our time together on your wrist, is silenced by our breathing.

And in the presence of each other, encompassed in the company, and engrossed in the solidarity that comes with being together, we don't allow the night to end.

But last night it did.

Our perfect night was finally penetrated by the tick, tick, ticking reality that so desperately sought to break in and rob us of our unwarranted and unrealistic happiness and sense of safety.

I leave all my windows down until I can't stand the cold
And my hair is blown by the wind until it's dry

I take to the road until it can no longer take me away
And I think of you until I'm saved by the thought of anything else

I go until all the radio stations sound of static
And I wait for the sun to rise until it hits me that maybe this time it won't

I drive until I don't know where I am
And every time I get a little further

in the spinning circles of mass disorder
and the emotions that run rampant

in the inconsistency of the love I deserve
and the ones who want to love me but can't yet

in the influences that taint my blood and mind and will
the caffeine, the smoke, the alcohol that sits for days distilled

in the fluidity of these numbered days
and memories only made beautiful because they're gone

in the never ending collapsing of one thing into the next
with my bewildered mind never escaping from itself to get some rest

Within the whirlwind that is my life right now I am anchored, I am humbled, I overflow with gratitude that in all the inconsistency He waits for me the same.  The sameness in His presence; the unchanging, unwavering, unalterable presence that is Him.
He will always love me; always forgive me.
He waits.
And in the shakiness of growing up, He gives me stability.

Young nameless girl wandered between lost and found. She applied her makeup mask too heavily on her faceless face and spent timeless times waiting for careless boy to care.

I need to break the trailhead and sweat the sadness through
the pores and holes and missing pieces of me that let it in for you
I'm forever shaking from exposure to the elements;
this irreversible coldness resulting from your negligence
I can't go on like this; so very different from who I used to be
I'm scared of who I will become if I don't soon recover the old me
I'm in search of steeper trails to bring me closer to
the clearer, blissful, happier me I was before my soul made room for you

For a little while I forget that you're forgetting me.

The hardest is always day 5
Day 5 is usually when I give in, give way, collapse, lapse
Day 5 is like those Fridays when I was so far from you
Aching for you is the loudest on days like that
But then goes 5 days
5 days without talking to you
Then a week
And every second gets easier
Because I’ve been listening to music
Music I shared with you
But I’m starting to figure out it’s still mine
You never even appreciated it
So I’m reclaiming it
I’m reclaiming all of me
And I’m finding being on my own
And rediscovering myself
Isn’t an act I can do out of spite for the way you treated me
Things like this happen in time all their own
Seconds pass, minutes, hours
I read, I listen, I run, I hike, I experience
I laugh and cry and sometimes the aching still seeps in
But mostly I grow and change and heal
I have no anger for you anymore
In some odd way I'm thankful things happened the way they did
Thankful to have the chance to discover that I still have this within me
Happy to be healing

I hope between dreams
You hear my breath breaking the cold night air

I hope in slumber  
You feel my nail edges tracing your mysterious skin; warm and bare

I hope in that evening sleep
You turn and smell my tangled hair

I hope some nights you wake up
And if only for a moment, forget that I'm not there

"I've finally found that life goes on without you
and my world still turns when you're not around."*
It has been 7 days without your presence.
In these
168 hours,
10,080 minutes,
604,800 seconds,
I have learned how to define myself without you around.
I have come to find that I can enjoy my days
without needing you to fill my skies with sunshine  
and
I can be proud of myself
without feeling that I need your permission.
I use to believe that no one could hold a candle to you,
but I have realized that your flame was just too big.
You shined so bright, my dear,
and you took up my whole entire world.
I was so blinded before,
but the wind has come
and that candle is no longer lit
and I have found myself in the darkness.

when he doesn't remember
when he doesn't text or call
when he doesn't think of me
when he doesn't think at all

when he doesn't miss me
when he doesn't let me know
when he doesn't say how he feels
I fear he's letting go