Seems like it's inevitable
Somehow this folly of depression
Sickening as it may be
Is my only saving grace
My super power
To harness words
Delicately placing them
In ballet slippers
Watching them elegantly
Summarize emotions I'm plagued with
Constant fears and thoughts
Screenplays Broadway ready
Tragedy to fantasy
Rarely comical
Yet a jokers laugh is heard
Deep in the cellars of my heart
Knowing all too well
I am what my opinion of me is
No religious text
Deranged teachings of dark minds
Or philosophical psychology
Can eradicate it
I'm lost beyond hope
Trying to make a dream
A not so far off reality
Hindered quickly before
I even take my next breath
What will it take
How does it happen to me
When will it end
Where will I be
Who cares anymore
I'm surrounded by myself
Engulfed in my delusions
Try to become my own martyr
Why can't I be my own god
Carve the destiny I desire
With only a snap of fingers
Or the wiggle of my nose
I know I'm not hopeless
Yet mind and body
Reject truces or seek compromise
Again
I'm lost in these senses
Hating myself
For feelings I can't control
Loving myself
With little avail
I'm detestable
Deplorable
Defeated
Yet waving white flags
Seem only to incur wrath
From whoever raises it first
Again
Another war
Futile in all aspects
The answers the same
Outcome forseen
Again
And again
And...

              ...again

It's only one purpose
So tell me already
Show me what I'm meant to do
Who I'm to become
I'll strive to make it true
If only there's a sanctuary
From the me I am again

Plagued with constant torment
What god can save me
What sacrificial ritual
Must I endure
To rid this haunted mansion
I call a head
From these reoccurring creaks
Whispers of get out
Turn to screams at alarm clocks
Vaguely heard
Chase it away
Exorcise these demons
Procure unto me
My freedom from self ridicule

Ups
Down
Tripping
Falling
But you made the dirt
Tastier when I ate it
Making it easier
To dust myself off
You'd offer bandaids
A helping hand
Yet I'm as hard headed
Almost as stubborn
As you are
You taught me
That life isn't about taking it
It's about conquering
Everything that wants to bury you
The Long Road
Isnt living cautiously
It's learning from mistakes
From the risk you take
Being prepared for possibilities
Accepting of consequences
Everything you did
Was for my betterment
That I fought you over
Thinking I mastered
Those pieces of advice
If not for you
I know several places
I'd be stuck in
Without hopes of a future
You held my hand
To make it this far
Now hold onto your faith
And walk with my heart
As I make you proud
With every step I take
Down this long road
We endure called life
With your teachings
I'll obliterate remaining obstacles
I love you mom
Happy mother's day
The only present I have
That's worth anything
That I can offer
Is the smile I bestow
Everytime you witness
Me implementing
Those invaluable lessons
You diligently worked on
Instilling them into me
Thank you

In your eyes
You saw only the laugh
The deranged pupils
So look deeper
The cracks that became abyssal
The glass cities left in ruins
By the hands of those
I reached out for
Corpses piled high
After every brush off
As each attempt
To hold onto my own
Fell through closed hands
Asking for help
Leaves you vulnerable
To someone else's evil
Becoming greater in hopes
Of surpassing that feeling
I'll be that villian
In your eyes
Her heart
His mind
At their discrepancy
I'll be my own hero
Saving myself
Without wasting another breath
Begging for your approval

One step out of line of view
The sound of clumsy feet
Hurrying to follow where my shadow
Just slipped away from
Or megaphone whines
As I close the door behind
Separation anxiety kicking in
She's relatively calm for her age
Power mode kicks in
Just before bed
Quick round of who's Alpha
Tug of war and ****** snacks
Settling down with the flick of a switch
Cuddled up on her blanket
Foot side night watch
Till thunder rolls too close to home
Then it's in my bed cuddled up
Hi, this is Xena
My 8 week old
German Shepherd puppy
Shes a big scary dog
Not a cute little pup
That licks her victims
Then chases their feet
Won't roll over for any amount
Of unneeded attention
So if you're not careful
She'll have you wrapped
Tightly around her paw
Torturing you with nibbles and kisses

That feeling of just existing
Floating through life
Without a purpose
Wake up to the alarm
Maybe a bite to eat
Coffee a nice idea
As your racing out the door
Mess up on the job
Tiny details were overlooked
Grow tired of the commute
Daily headaches
Coming home to nothing
Till you're allowed
Being denied the opportunity
To be a parent
I'll accept that the decisions
I poorly made in annoyance
Have consequences
Yet limiting my daughter
And the time I spend with her
Shouldn't have been a result
Let alone an idea to punish me
It's torture
Cruel and unusual
So I'll just smile
Work towards the dream I have
It's a reset and reboot
Deleting the unneeded
Watch close
You'll miss how I win this

Life
Society
Endless list of things
I'm waiting for ***** to give about
I only have one **** to give
With my chin up
**** out
***** on the table
I'm ready
So call my spongebob
This new chapter I have yet to write
I'm going to **** it
Head first into the dirt
No more self abuse
Belittling every action
Contemplating what I thought
Was my only way out
Reality had to slap me in the face
Give me more reasons
Not to doubt my potential
Somehow I've moved forward
Without realizing I did
I'm close to checkmate
But that's before the semifinals
I'll probably lose somewhere
Life has a winning streak too
**** it
I'm not sweating it
There is a green pasture
I'm watering to make greener
Might not be within eyesight
I just know it's there
Like every great masterpiece
From all my favorite artist
No one saw what they did
Till it was finished
Once unveiled it was breathtaking