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Jan 10 · 21
seashell
brinn Jan 10
your smile
reminds me of seashell.

it’s pretty
beautiful, actually.
you may think
it looks like every other seashell  
but it doesn’t.
your seashell is special.

i want to keep it
all to myself.
but i know it’s selfish to
find a beautiful seashell
and take it, keeping it
locked up on a shelf.

it makes me feel
like i’m home.
that seashell reminds
me of all the times
i’ve spent in the place
i love the most.

but when you look
inside
it’s completely hollow.
there’s nothing behind
that seashell.
it’s sad just how empty it is.
Jan 10 · 317
to: my heart
brinn Jan 10
i pick you up
and carry you along
you must weigh
about a thousand pounds
right now.

when people look
they can’t tell
that i’m using all my strength
to lift you up.

you’re hurting right now,
i know.
i am too.

you’re heavier than before.
but we’ll get through this.

we always do.
Jan 10 · 30
i’ll be waiting
brinn Jan 10
i'm still thinking
about you.
about us.
but we can’t be together
right now.  
and that’s fine.
i’ll be waiting
right here.
Jan 10 · 20
starting over
brinn Jan 10
starting over
is scary.
not knowing
what the future holds
is terrifying.
and that’s exactly why
i’m excited.
Jan 6 · 20
my hopes for you
brinn Jan 6
im thinking of you
that’s nothing new
i hope you smile
i haven’t seen it in a while

i hope you are having fun
without you i have none
i hope you sleep well
because you make my heart swell

i know i was dumb to fall
but most of all
i hope you’re okay
now and everyday.
Jan 6 · 34
prideful
brinn Jan 6
pride.

it’s important.
at least i tell myself that.

i’ve always had
too much of it though.
and that’s why i
pushed you
and everyone else
away.
Jan 6 · 14
None
brinn Jan 6
No place.
I have none.
I go from location
to location.

Hoping one
will feel like home.
Wishing I could
feel like I belong.

But no place
Reaches out to me.
None belong to me
and I belong to none.
Jan 6 · 133
i miss me
brinn Jan 6
i miss me
which sounds stupid.
and i know that.
but i used to be different.
i used to have
ambitions and dreams.
i used to think
anything was possible.

i was happy.

and now i have
none of that.
i don’t even feel like a person.
i don’t even feel.
i used to be me.
Jan 6 · 64
sad
brinn Jan 6
sad
i’m sad
just kind of
sad.
not really sure.
i’m not sure
if i’m sad inside
or just out.
Jan 2 · 222
i can’t
brinn Jan 2
i wish i could say
what’s on my mind
but right now
i can’t even speak
Jan 2 · 29
stormy weather
brinn Jan 2
the tears continue to fall down
drip drip drip
steady as rain

i try to stop them but my heart beats loud
boom boom boom
loud as thunder

i reach out but no one is there
i feel a chill and shiver
cold as a blizzard

my thoughts run wild
and i feel my mind dissociate
wild as a tornado
Jan 2 · 29
Yourself
brinn Jan 2
I can’t believe
how stupid I’ve been.
Everyone told me
to stay clear and
that the only one
you cared about
was yourself.

I said I knew
they were all wrong,
it’s different with me.
But I was wrong.
They were all right.
You didn’t
and you don’t
care about anything
but yourself.
Jan 2 · 20
love sick
brinn Jan 2
i knew right after it happened.
i felt my heart swell and grow inside my chest.
my cheeks burned hot
and my mind went blank.
there was no mistaking this feeling.

i hadn’t felt it in a while
i kind of hoped i never would again.
but you changed that with one look.
my hands got clammy
and my stomach did backflips.

and once it starts
there is no stopping it.
not until it ran its course.
i wonder if you realize
just how sick you made me.
Jan 2 · 24
searching
brinn Jan 2
i have been searching
for days and days now
i have been looking for
something i cannot find.
i've read hundreds of poems
listened to hours of songs
watched countless movies
all hoping that i could find it.

it’s pointless, really.
because none of them
have what i’m looking for.
not even my own words can
describe what my heart feels
at this moment.
the only thing that can
is your smile.
Dec 2019 · 21
butterflies
brinn Dec 2019
the butterflies
i hadn’t felt them in a while
but today
all it took was your smile

they came fluttering back
and my cheeks flushed red
when you looked at me
i got crazy thoughts in my head

standing next to you
is all it took
my heart burst open
when you gave me that look

the butterflies have not stopped
and i just want to know when,
they’re waiting and praying
for me to see you again.
Dec 2019 · 125
I know.
brinn Dec 2019
I know.
I’m naive
I’m gullible
I’m daydreaming
I’m out of my mind.
I know.

I know what you do to me.
But I don’t care.
As long as I get to be near you.
Dec 2019 · 25
nonstop
brinn Dec 2019
its been 24 hours
thinking of you
nonstop.
i know i should try not to
because i’m going to
end up hurt.
but i just can’t
so we’ll go 24 more.
Dec 2019 · 20
the worst feeling
brinn Dec 2019
the feeling
that i hate the most
is that one
where you feel
like your heart
weighs a thousand pounds.

you know,
the one where
you feel that lump
rising in your throat
and you try to swallow
just to choke it down.

your eyes sting
from the tears
you blink away.
and your fake smile
waivers, unstable
and you pray no one
will ask if you’re okay.

it’s that feeling
not when your heart breaks,
but when you feel
it takes all your strength
to lift it up,
that’s the one that i hate.
Dec 2019 · 110
perfect
brinn Dec 2019
it will never be perfect
and that’s something
i still need to learn.
perfect isn’t real.
if things were perfect,
we wouldn’t ever feel.
Dec 2019 · 26
it’s not you, it’s me
brinn Dec 2019
i wished you saw me.
the way i saw you.
and i couldn’t believe you didn’t see
how it hurt, how you turned me blue
but my love was always true.

the way you laughed, the way you talked
was music to my ears.
even small things, like the way you walked
made me feel as if I could conquer all my fears,
but now all of it brought me to tears.

because you didn’t feel that way
you never looked at me the same
you rolled your eyes at everything I would say,
my voice was loud, my shoes were lame,
and i was always to blame.

i tried to fight
for us, because i cared
but you always had to be right.
you just could not have bared  
a compromise, we could have never shared.

i cried when i told you that
i couldn’t do it anymore.
i looked where you sat
and realized you walked out the door
and you left me and my heart on the floor.

it took me too long
to look back and see
i did what i could, you were in the wrong
i smile as i realize i am finally free
because now i know it was you, not me.
Dec 2019 · 31
sometimes i wonder
brinn Dec 2019
sometimes i wonder
how my life would be
if I ever
got the nerve to say
how I feel.

i admire people
who aren’t afraid to put themselves out there.
they say what they think,
what they feel.
but i never can.

i could never
wear my heart on my sleeve.
i’ve tucked it away
so far deep inside me
sometimes I wonder if it’s still there.
Dec 2019 · 30
that kiss
brinn Dec 2019
you were with her
the night we kissed.
you two were together
and I knew it too.

i don’t know what I expected
maybe for you to realize how
we were better together
and that we could be happy.

i thought about that kiss
for days, weeks,
months after it happened.
but I know you never did.
Dec 2019 · 49
I’m glad you’re happy
brinn Dec 2019
it’s difficult
thinking of you
with her
and happy

it’s not that I don’t
want you to be happy
I do.
I just wish it was me who made you happy.

thinking of those long summer nights
when we were together
in a room full of people
but it always felt like just us two

I know it’s my fault
I should’ve said something
done something
to show you how I felt.

but now I sit in the same room
tank tops have turned to jackets
flip flops to boots
and you’re with her, not me.

I steal a glance
or maybe two
and you’re smile
makes me break.
Dec 2019 · 18
3 wishes
brinn Dec 2019
I wished upon a star
last night, when I should’ve been asleep
I wished to be where you are
and for your heart, for me to keep

but when I awoke
you were not around
a few tears I had to choke
at the disappointment I found

so on night number two
I wished on the moon
I said I would do anything I had to do
for you to get here soon

you can imagine my dread
after a week without you
you’re still in my head
but my wish still hasn’t come true

so I decided to wish upon the sun
maybe that’s what I need
I said “please grant my wish, I only have one”
and for another hour I continued my plead

I couldn’t believe when
the next day, there you were!
but someone else must’ve been
wishing, because you were with her.
Dec 2019 · 21
Colors of You
brinn Dec 2019
the way you say hello
makes me yellow
your cheesy grin and wink
make me feel so pink

my heart that you steal
it feels like teal
i swear it should be a crime
the way you make me feel lime

how you make me swoon
feels like maroon
and your hand i get to hold
makes me feel like gold

but talking to you
can make me feel so blue
the words that you said
burn, bright red

what I’ve just seen
makes me green
seeing you in this light,
has turned me to white

when you left that day
it made me gray
i wish you’d come back
because now all I feel is black.
Dec 2019 · 672
Last Christmas
brinn Dec 2019
the cold air
can be seen
every time
we take a breath

my tears sting
as they race
down my cheeks
to soak into my scarf

my hand has
gone numb
and no longer had
yours to hold

Christmas music plays
jingling merrily
as my heart
shatters to the beat.

the words
dancing off your lips
hanging in the air
as if they were mistletoe

”i’m sorry”
i watch as you turn your back
and walk away
for the last time.
Dec 2019 · 42
word word word word word
brinn Dec 2019
do you ever look at a word
so many times
that it starts to look like it isn’t a word at all?
you stare at the letters and you
know in your head that it is in fact a word
but the longer you look the stranger it becomes.
you repeat it over and over and over
and over
hoping that it makes it better
but knowing it will only make it worse.

i’m starting to get that same feeling
but with the thoughts inside my head
and the feelings inside my heart.
Dec 2019 · 69
happy
brinn Dec 2019
i used to think of happiness
as a destination.
some place you got after
working really hard.

you might have to endure a lot
to get there
but once you arrived you realize
it was worth it.

it took me too long
to see
happiness isn’t a place.
it’s a feeling

and if you get absorbed in
the idea of finally
reaching a point where you’re always happy,
you never will be.
Dec 2019 · 36
picture this
brinn Dec 2019
looking back on pictures
the memories and moments
i swore I’d never forget.
all gone, all distant.

i smile when looking,
remembering the events of the day
or the time in my life
the picture took place.

but i don’t remember the joke that was told
that caused us to laugh hysterically
until we cried
and retold the joke for the next week.

i don’t remember the emotions i felt
moments before the photo
that i’m sure weighed on me
that entire day or week.

i can’t recall the song
we were singing and dancing to,
screaming at the top of our lungs
as the flash went off.

i'm not sure how long it took
for us to arrive at the destination,
or who complained the most
on the drive back home.

i wish I could capture everything from those days,
from those moments we already lost.
because now all i have is the cover of the book.
but when opened, there is no story to be told.
Dec 2019 · 21
nothing
brinn Dec 2019
I haven’t been feeling too sad lately
And it’s nice, not feeling the need to cry
Not feeling like I’m drowning
Or feeling like nobody cares

I haven’t been feeling angry much either
And I’m glad I don’t have to yell
Because of the rage boiling inside
My temper seems to have subsided

I haven’t been feeling too happy though
I still smile a lot and occasionally laugh
I just hardly truly mean it
And I miss feeling those waves of serotonin

Honestly, I haven’t been feeling much
Day in and out, the same blank emotions
I yearn at the thought
of laughing, screaming, crying, feeling

But recently, all I feel is nothing.
Apr 2019 · 48
weird
brinn Apr 2019
isn't it weird
how you can be in a room
full of people
and feel utterly
and completely
alone
Apr 2019 · 31
thank you
brinn Apr 2019
thank you
for being the guy i knew you were
for showing me i was wrong
to think that you were different.
thank you
for being with her
for showing me that i could do better
thank you
because now i can move on
Mar 2019 · 27
2:52
brinn Mar 2019
i should be sleeping
it's 2:52
i shouldn't be weeping
or thinking of you

i can't help it
though i wish that i could
so here i sit
and i wish that you would

come over and tell me
you can't believe you didn't see it before
you realized how happy we could be
we'll have everything and more

but that's all in my head
i'm far too late
i lay back in my bed
and try to fall asleep at 2:58
Mar 2019 · 86
every song ends
brinn Mar 2019
when i heard it, i stopped
it was breathtakingly beautiful
and menacingly painful
at the same time

the lyrics, a diary
the rhythm, a heartbeat
the notes were like waves, so steady and calm
the singer was like an angel, guiding me along

it made me smile
it made me cry
it made me laugh
and remember the good times

and just when i thought
the song was perfect
everything i wanted and more
that's when it ended
as every song does
Mar 2019 · 54
only thing
brinn Mar 2019
sometimes
i try to forget about all the bad things inside my head
and i focus solely on one thing
like sports or work or music

but then
when my team loses
or my shift is over
or the song ends
i break down
and i cry
and cry
and no one understands why

but that was all i had
that was the only thing keeping me standing
Mar 2019 · 36
tell myself
brinn Mar 2019
it *****
not being with you
and everyday
i have to tell myself
to move on


hopefully one day
i will
Mar 2019 · 82
inside out
brinn Mar 2019
empty
inside
and
alone
out
Mar 2019 · 280
tears
brinn Mar 2019
in the dark
all alone
it's the only time
i let you out
where no one
will see you
and your sounds
won't be heard
Mar 2019 · 33
please just be okay
brinn Mar 2019
through thin and thick
you've always been there
so now, when i find out you're sick
it seems to be more than i can bear

you say everything will be fine
but i know you're just trying to be strong
thinking of others feelings, especially mine
i'm hoping that you are not wrong

please, just be okay
it's all that i ask of you
i wish there was something i could say
i wish there was something i could do

it ***** not to be there
it hurts me in every way
it *****, it really isn't fair
but please. just be okay.
Mar 2019 · 117
not sure
brinn Mar 2019
how are you supposed to feel
when you get
the worst news
and the best news
in the span of
five minutes
Mar 2019 · 47
lately
brinn Mar 2019
lately i've been
dreaming about you
a lot.
every time
i close my eyes
i see yours.
Mar 2019 · 36
8:04
brinn Mar 2019
i felt it immediately

my jaw dropped
my hands froze
my heart sank

i had been in denial for days
saying that it couldn't be true
you could never hurt me like that

i feel so dumb
thinking of how oblivious i was
how safe i thought we were

because at 8:04 pm
you broke my heart
Feb 2019 · 148
single word
brinn Feb 2019
all it takes
is a single word
from you
to make me smile
for the rest of the
day
Feb 2019 · 55
you
brinn Feb 2019
you
seeing you
makes everyday
the best day ever
Feb 2019 · 51
what do i have to do
brinn Feb 2019
what do i have to do
to be the one you want?
should i buy something new
and wear it just to flaunt?

should i write you a song
and sing it outside your door?
i'll sing it all night long
until i can sing no more.

should i buy you some food
from your favorite place?
will that put you in a good mood
and put a smile on your face?

should i take you out to dance?
we could dress up real nice.
i'll show you that romance
will come at no price.

should i just tell you
how i feel?
the thing i'm most afraid to do.
but i want you to know my feelings are real.

so please, just tell me
what i have to do
i promise, you will see
i'll do anything for you.
Feb 2019 · 391
cigarette
brinn Feb 2019
he was like a cigarette

bad for me
even though it feels good
and i knew i shouldn't
but i took a drag

and just like that

i'm buying packs
every other day
and smoking whenever i can
i feel my lungs
crying and begging me to stop

but i can't
i can't stop
i can't stop loving him
Feb 2019 · 69
dream
brinn Feb 2019
he was the kind of dream
that made you want to
stay in bed forever
even after you woke up
just thinking about it
over and over again
Feb 2019 · 40
only you
brinn Feb 2019
the stupid smile
that lands on my face
at the mere thought of you
i wish i could control it
and tell it to stop
but only you could
do that.
Feb 2019 · 268
want
brinn Feb 2019
when he kissed me
the other night
the only thing i could think
was how much more
i wanted to be kissing you
Feb 2019 · 56
and more
brinn Feb 2019
he was as bright as a star
he spoke endless dreams
he walked like the ocean
he smiled sunshine
he laughed like a bonfire
he dreamt in colors
he adventured like summer nights
his scent a field of daisies
and his warmth as soft as a puppy

he was everything
and more
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