brinn

brinn Dec 2019

the cold air
can be seen
every time
we take a breath

my tears sting
as they race
down my cheeks
to soak into my scarf

my hand has
gone numb
and no longer had
yours to hold

Christmas music plays
jingling merrily
as my heart
shatters to the beat.

the words
dancing off your lips
hanging in the air
as if they were mistletoe

”i’m sorry”
i watch as you turn your back
and walk away
for the last time.

brinn Dec 2019

word word word word word

do you ever look at a word
so many times
that it starts to look like it isn’t a word at all?
you stare at the letters and you
know in your head that it is in fact a word
but the longer you look the stranger it becomes.
you repeat it over and over and over
and over
hoping that it makes it better
but knowing it will only make it worse.

i’m starting to get that same feeling
but with the thoughts inside my head
and the feelings inside my heart.

brinn Dec 2019

happy

i used to think of happiness
as a destination.
some place you got after
working really hard.

you might have to endure a lot
to get there
but once you arrived you realize
it was worth it.

it took me too long
to see
happiness isn’t a place.
it’s a feeling

and if you get absorbed in
the idea of finally
reaching a point where you’re always happy,
you never will be.

brinn Dec 2019

picture this

looking back on pictures
the memories and moments
i swore I’d never forget.
all gone, all distant.

i smile when looking,
remembering the events of the day
or the time in my life
the picture took place.

but i don’t remember the joke that was told
that caused us to laugh hysterically
until we cried
and retold the joke for the next week.

i don’t remember the emotions i felt
moments before the photo
that i’m sure weighed on me
that entire day or week.

i can’t recall the song
we were singing and dancing to,
screaming at the top of our lungs
as the flash went off.

i'm not sure how long it took
for us to arrive at the destination,
or who complained the most
on the drive back home.

i wish I could capture everything from those days,
from those moments we already lost.
because now all i have is the cover of the book.
but when opened, there is no story to be told.

brinn Dec 2019

nothing

I haven’t been feeling too sad lately
And it’s nice, not feeling the need to cry
Not feeling like I’m drowning
Or feeling like nobody cares

I haven’t been feeling angry much either
And I’m glad I don’t have to yell
Because of the rage boiling inside
My temper seems to have subsided

I haven’t been feeling too happy though
I still smile a lot and occasionally laugh
I just hardly truly mean it
And I miss feeling those waves of serotonin

Honestly, I haven’t been feeling much
Day in and out, the same blank emotions
I yearn at the thought
of laughing, screaming, crying, feeling

But recently, all I feel is nothing.

brinn Apr 2019

weird

isn't it weird
how you can be in a room
full of people
and feel utterly
and completely
alone

brinn Apr 2019

thank you

thank you
for being the guy i knew you were
for showing me i was wrong
to think that you were different.
thank you
for being with her
for showing me that i could do better
thank you
because now i can move on