when asked what i got for christmas,
couldn't say you.

There was a time he was crazy about me.
There was one time he called me pretty.
I think back then I often thought about him.
That was the time when I could call him my friend.

Once (long ago) he used to hold my hand.
Was long ago he could call himself my man.
There was a time when I was sad he left me.
My first romance, I was so naive.
I let a stupid boy mistreat me.

Back when he could crush my self-esteem
In his bony hands.
There was a time when we were happy together-
Before I knew I should be treated better.
I'm so glad that now I understand.

Think of it now, he never gave me a compliment.
Because he stopped being attracted to me (I don't get it).
He wasn't kind,
He was never truly mine.

He was terrible and I never knew
But I used to think that it was okay,
There was a time he hurt me with the things he'd say.
A long time ago he wasted my time,
Yet I accepted his every crime.
That was in another life, before I met you.

i have no idea what to do.
i am so lost.
last time i was in this situation,
i pulled away and realized how little she cared.
i do not want to realize the same about you.
but i can't make it work for both of us.
-
i told him.
i know that i said i wouldn't.
i had to get his advice.
he said to break it off and pull away.
he said you'd snap back.
but i can't believe him for a second.
-
im sorry.
i am torn between hoping you see this
and hoping you never do.
this has to be done and i hate this so much.
im sorry.
but i know i will be sorry.
-
when she started giving me resistance,
when i was clearly more in it that she was,
i pulled away.
i tried getting close to her again and she was stuck.
i had changed so much.
but the part of me that loved her stayed the same.
-
this isn't you and her fighting each other.
it's you and me.

my feet are slipping again.
(you say you just like to  disappear, you hate texting.)
I just have two ways to go.
(I knew this was a mistake.)
I can't fall for you, so I'll fall from you.
(I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry)
(I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry)

I cannot make this work without your help.
it's a whole lot like a school project; I'm the straight a valedictorian 4.0 and you're the sports star only in school so you can wear a jersey I am not a jersey to be worn.
when the project takes a turn towards sports you're interested but I do everyone else and I picked you as my partner after seeing what you can do I bring up the project you pale away you ignore me.
I cannot make this work without help and it hurts me that I can't have you.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

many times, when you run through someones thoughts, you know why you are there.
i know i am in my best friends thoughts because she worries about me.
i know i am in my grandmothers thoughts because she worries about everyone.
why am i in your thoughts?
what makes you hate me?
i have said a handful of words to you and now my crush and i are your favourite targets.
you barely know me, and yet i apparently disgust you.
well, maybe the repulsion you feel upon hearing my lower timbre voice, my lower timbre instrument, maybe the repulsion you feel upon seeing my too big waistline, my too big ***, my too big face with too little makeup on it, maybe all those awful feelings would vanish if you knew me.
i bet if you took time to dive into a lake, you could find gold at the bottom.
even if the top makes you wanna **** yourself.

shoot arrows with those hurtful words at me.
fire bullets with those laughs.
just know that the best marksmen never shoot at the biggest targets.