You were mine &
I was a game you played

When I think of love
I think
There is no such thing

I wish I had as much self discipline as you
I wish I could hold my tongue
I'd hold it In between my fingers
so I couldn't talk
And that would keep my fingers busy too
That way I'd never be able
to stick my foot in my mouth again

They say ignorance is bliss
I'm starting to believe them.

It's never easy
It was
Right in front of me
I let it slip away
Like water through my fingers
The not knowing kills
Impatient me
Being added to lists is terrifying
Why am I so complicated
Setting unreachable standards
Hoping for miracles
That fall from the sky
Careful not to fall too fast
As I'm trying to start again

He has the most beautiful smile I've ever seen. The biggest heart or so it seemed. He is an amazing father, a strong man, domineering but communicative, he is everything I've ever wanted. The most shocking thing I could not conquer is the fact that he's also a womanizer

So many people compare
exquisite experience to heaven
as if they had an idea

.................................................................­................
How was I to know you'd be all wrong
I was convinced you were amazing
I was sure
I thought nothing less would suffice
Until I saw your true colors
Blazing
Now I pay the price
...........................................................­......................

You looked, I listened
You attempted, I gave a response
I invited you in and you accepted
We began the story of us

I watched you; so captivating
so very devenaire
Was I caught up?
Could this really be?
Could you really be so sincere?

I'm so scared
I've been hurt too much
I don't want to go back to that
Then all of a sudden
you showed me your instinct
I about had a heart attack

It was confusing; oh so tragic
I couldnt help myself
so I panicked
Like a crumbling puzzle
A sudden sadness
I began to fall apart
For I knew deep inside
you would only break my heart
  
Time went by for hours and hours
Every moment of everyday
I couldn't stand it any longer
I thought about you constantly

So I did the only thing I knew
I could do
I had to find
my way back to you

I attempted, you reponded
To my shock and suprise!
Together we both decided
To continue this wild ride

Again you accepted
my invitation back inside
You continue to shock me all of the time

I though I was seeing
You were not like the others
You seemed different I think
I know all too well fairytales don't exist
Charm me with the truth
Sweep me off my feet

Compulsive thinker
                                      You're over analyzing
Acting obsessively  
                                      *It's pure passion

A heart crushed
Craves love

Yet it can no longer
Trust

unapologetically
the ideas evaporate
as though it never really happened
gone like $20 at the grocery store
in a snap
with little to nothing to show
besides maybe some small memory
that you'll  deny

Tell me you want me
I can call you mine
Call me your boo
All of the time

Tell me Im beautiful
Look into my eyes
Make me believe
In all of your lies

Ignore me when I text
Ignore me
Give me mixed signals
Endlessly

Make me cry
Call me names
judge me as though
I am everything you say

I am heart & soul
I am nobody special
I don't claim to be
I write what I know
I write when Im mad
I write when I'm blue
I write about everything
I write just for you
I write about love
Though I know not
I'm just writing each line
with all of my heart

The flames rose wild and destructive
There was no way she would ever
be able to cross that bridge again
She just smiled
*"at least I can see through the darkness now
with the fire in the background"

For even if
I were engulfed in darkness

That darkness

would eventually be filled
with the light of truth

All I hear is gushing water
rolling over the side of the cliff
An excited amount
At full speed no less!
Fast enough to ****
Beautiful enough for temptation
Flowing into Blasts
Of foaming white clouds
Rainbows appearing in the mist
Calming now
It winds down
turning into
a clear babbling brook
Turquoise blue
So calm
Serene

Then
without warning
Fierce
Tumbling over boulders
Furious intimidation!

A mighty creation

Enough is exhaustion, it's had it too hard, it's been too strong for too long,
enough is through

This smile has turned around
As sudden as it happend it was through
Although my heart wanted more
It was just too good to be true

Denial is the first step in the healing process. A sort of shock to the nerves so to speak, a numbness sets in. This can't be happening and then the why me's. All of a sudden we're too alone to be lonely because then a gun or a knife sounds good, but who'd ever admit that! That's insanity! No, it's better to be in denial.

I'm so sorry I believed
I always do that
I stumble too easily, too fast
Head over heals tumbling backwards
Broken in pieces
Lying lifeless
Back to the drawing bored
Boredum
I hung on for dear life
onto syllables
every word sounding like truth
Every tear that falls
from my eyes like ice cubes
Tiny ice cycles
Proves once again
My magnetic pull
Is for something
I want
That I can't ever have

The finest minds
Always make a choice

Whether wrong or right
Humble or proud
Admirable decisions
Or not so much

It's respectable
It's ****
Sometimes it means change
It's masculine

To take the lead
To make the difficult choice
To stand your ground
To show the real

It melts me

Give me more than emotion
give me strength
Give me more than pleasure
give me encompassing support
Give me more than a line
show me trustworthiness
Give me more than words
give me actions

I want you
I'm guarded
I want something real
I'm so cautious

I cannot go through
another heartbreak
another heartache
you'll tear me to pieces

To tiny shreds again
until I am nothing to
piece back together

I want you
...but trust...
right now
It's non existent

Never ceases to amaze me how easily we'd
*self-destruct

I think the sky's been feeling like I do lately
It's been crying for days
Rumbling loudly crying out in agony
Covered in angry outbursts

I'm riding this marry go round called life
I'm trying to jump off but it's going so fast
round and round without end

Walking through a jungle of hidden truths
half stories; searching for something I cannot comprehend

Desperation sure as truth has a woman baffled at herself
Something to cure the sickness
Something to ease this pain
Not too deep, just enough to close the book

Lovers love lies

I was too nice to you
Always patiently waiting
Forgiving every mistake
Trying to
forget every outburst
Always hoping for you
Praying for you too
Wanting you
Loving you


Truth is

I was always...
just too good for you

The giving and forgiving was easy
The want for your happiness
overwhelmed me constantly
I'm smiling as I can see
your need to be free
Remembering the bending
over backwards to please you
Only makes letting go easier
After all is said and done
I'll choose to keep
the good memories