has it abandoned me?

s h
a     k
i   n
   g
you were
s ha king
your life was planned out
by medical folders
hospital patient
hospital worker
you knew all about the
effects taking place in your body
but you were
r o o t e d
like a tree standing lone in a
h
u
  r
   r
    i
     c
      a
       n
        e
the angels were on your side
and you kept your smile
beside your bed in a glass box
as you slept

you wore it every morning

three years wasn't a long time but
it was long enough to travel the world
you were
j i tt
       e r
            y
like a child on christmas morning
but this wasn't a holiday
and you broke the glass that held
the only thing keeping your head high

"i'm going to die anyway"

yet you were rooted
both feet planted on the ground
a
j o u r
ne y
you were ready to walk
a dirt road followed by angels in white
optimism carried on silver platters

a week to a month wasn't long enough for
travelling to snow covered peaks and screaming
"i am free and you cannot change me"
you cannot change me
you cannot
change me
you stood
a l o n e
among angels covered in grime
silver platters turned to dust and
smiles falling, fading, gone
yet you
p
l
  a
   n
     t
      e
       d
both feet firmly to the ground and spoke
the words that tore the dirt off angels covered
in mud, brought snow covered peaks to you
"you cannot change me,
i am s t ro ng wi ll ed"

hospital bed
hospital room
hospital worker
you are brave

a small girl sits alone in a crowded room.
she watches groups of people have fun
and laugh
and forget about her.
she replays the thought that has haunted her for a while.
**** yourself, you're rather worthless.
she feels worthless.
she has a list of people she could talk to, but none of them are helping her.
she doesn't wanna ask for help, that makes her feel small and needy.
so she waits.
the girl is so busy looking for suicide that she never looks at the people who want to help her.
if she truly looked around, she'd see that suicide would not just hurt her.
but she's too busy looking for suicide to look for reasons to live.

Where hath the bees gone
concrete jungle drown their song
picked for love to give
Blooming under sun shine to live
who doth sweet the honey
human deed for money
where hath the bees gone
not to return land ***** and flowers torn

What if the clouds above us
Lit ablaze
As they covered the stars tonight?
What if they fell
To baptize us in flame
As we lay beside each other
Waiting for something to happen?
What if the earth swallowed us whole
And we never saw another soul?
What if something supernatural, something strange
Really happened in this moment
Like we so desperately hope?

What if you and I had never met?
What if the separate roads we took in life
Were not yet built
Or turned another way?
What if all the things we wished had never happened
Were bottled up and thrown into the sea?
What if you don't wake tomorrow—
Where would I be?
And if we were a continent apart—
As we will be soon—
How would I cope?
What if I went my way
And you went yours—
And what if our ways won't ever intersect?
What if we reunite someday
But we don't really know each other?

I believe
That if we truly dwell in possibility
We won't enjoy the time we have.
So let’s just lie right here and stare at the nighttime clouds
And let's be glad that nothing truly happened.