7:10 AM: I knew the time was coming for you to leave me, for you to prep for your surgery and go under. Thinking about you leaving hurt me in every way possible.
7:11 AM: You said it was time to go, but you promised till 7:15. I started crying again, even though I had just stopped.
7:12 AM: I told you goodbye, even though it was the hardest thing I had done in forever. (I prayed for you too many times in the last few hours, I prayed for a goodbye that was meaningful.)
7:13 AM: You told me goodbye... I hate goodbyes. I never want that to be the last thing I say to someone.
7:14 AM: We both agreed that we loved each other equally. I mean it with every fiber of my being, I love you with everything I am. I'll give you the Universe, don't worry baby.
7:15 AM: You were gone. You said your last "I love you" and left me to say it back with tears rolling down my face and ugly sobs escaping my mouth. Nothing has ever hurt so much, not even when I had that awful kidney infection. I felt like someone took my heart straight out of my chest and ran over it with a stampede of elephants... Nothing has ever pained me more than seeing those words, those three little beautiful words, because for a few mere seconds, I thought they were your last.
Love is wanting the best for them even when its not the best for you,
and I really believe that God was testing me in these last few weeks because I could have left and spared me the tears (not that it was ever an option, because it isn't, trust me)... but I have stayed and I so glad I am still here to support her and love her with everything I have inside of me. She deserves everything I can give her and so much more.
I love her so very much.
And she loves me equally.
oh god i really truly do love you
tuesday the 10th of june was the most frightful day of my life by far.