and all the times I've wanted to truly apologize seem to escape me.
this new year consists of one true apology told to someone who
deserved nothing less
and everything inside of me just wants to say it again
and again
and again--

i'm in human error with you, do you chemical defect me?

If I could keep your laugh bottled up with me forever, I would

hello friend, if you so desperately want to know, all you have to do is ask.

all of space and time is starting to leak out of my bleeding soul

the salt of the holy spirit will continue to keep me from rotting, because without it, i will surely decompose

how could I let it stay within me?

But to cry in front of you...now that's the worst thing I could ever do.

It's a taste I'd never forget.

you were an *******
and I was so tired of being **** on.

are you depressed?
*no, I'm fine.

5 gone and so many
more to lose, Can I?

And I thought things couldn't get any worse.

and soon enough, i'll be gone. you'll be gone. we'll all be gone.
i thank God everyday for the art of moving on.

I've started dreaming about good things again.
he pulls me onto the dance floor and
tells me how beautiful i am.
he kisses me with such passion again and
reminds me of how hungry i am for something more.
and i step on his toes,
because he's so **** tall and
im a horrible dancer.

she and i talk about these dreams and
we add more stories to it.
we laugh because they're silly but
at the same time,
they're realistic.
they could easily come true
for the both of us.

we just need to get over our fears and
take the next step into our
futures.

wish me luck, I'm leaving soon. the plane is going and I won't ever be the same.

I knew your disappearance would change me; but now its time to ground myself again, to come back down to Earth.

I'm ready when you are, lay down your cards and I'll be sure to grab mine too. I know now that I'm ready for you.

The demons don't want to play tonight, they want to rub my back and tell me why the pain is just essentially for the betterment of myself.

and if for two seconds you would just stop thinking about yourself, then maybe you'd see exactly how much pain you're causing.

coward

You look quite
Beautiful today.

and for the first time in awhile, I've completely opened up to someone who really cares about me. How nice it was to speak so honestly with you, thank you so much.

I'm always in the mood to
be your first everything.

All of the times spilled out of my mouth like ink on a page and I couldn't have been more embarrassed nor more relieved in my entire life.

what she misses isn't her
it's the way she made her
feel on top of the world.

"you and i, lets just go to sleep, okay?"
"okay."
"okay?"
"okay."
"i could do this all night, you know."
"as could i."
"goodnight, okay?"
"sweet dreams...okay.
"this isn't a john green book, okay?"
"okay."
"******."

It feels like it's been seven years.
almost like my body has been replaced
I'm still in the same body though
just with a different face
full of different cells
and my blood?
that's different, too.
It's no wonder that my dreams are so different.
that my wants and needs are so...
well... let's just call them
not like me.
and that's okay.
maybe to some it isn't.
but to me?
well, I guess they'll just have to
suffice for
now.

and I am grateful for you, I truly am.

I realized that they only care about you when you're close to death, but if only they knew that you already are dead.

i am so glad that he doesn't understand, for i'd give anything to not want to die all of the time.

i did something that I've only ever done with another person, and its that i kissed you with such a tenderness that you had to know that i meant it in the sweetest of ways. why couldn't i see that you didn't know that at all?

and I sure as hell love midnight thoughts sometimes, because they can be so **** enticing.

"How are you doing, baby girl?
I miss you so much, beautiful."

“Now there is a final reason I think that Jesus says, "Love your enemies." It is this: that love has within it a redemptive power. And there is a power there that eventually transforms individuals. Just keep being friendly to that person. Just keep loving them, and they can’t stand it too long. Oh, they react in many ways in the beginning. They react with guilt feelings, and sometimes they’ll hate you a little more at that transition period, but just keep loving them. And by the power of your love they will break down under the load. That’s love, you see. It is redemptive, and this is why Jesus says love. There’s something about love that builds up and is creative. There is something about hate that tears down and is destructive. So love your enemies."

and since you've left me, I'm so alone.

he just wants to get away from himself, my sweet boy craves the world.

I am satisfied, I am content, I am living, I am breathing, I am trying my best to continue onwards while growing into the person I am meant to become, it's all I can do, it is all that I am.

I woke up feeling like I do not deserve to be this lucky, but God, I truly am so lucky.

i'm not at home in my own home

do I come off as
ignorant
as well?

I feel like I bother you, but I just can't stay away.

Go any lower and you'll expose what's left of your rutted and fragmented heart.