i am so glad that he doesn't understand, for i'd give anything to not want to die all of the time.

I knew your disappearance would change me; but now its time to ground myself again, to come back down to Earth.

i'm not at home in my own home

I give my love fully, but it always ends up being such a waste.

and I am grateful for you, I truly am.

why couldn't you just have told me?

I dream of drugs and blood; I only wish to bleed color-coated pills.

and I've always been drawn to you, but the timing has always been wrong.






                                                                                                                   it still is.

I woke up feeling like I do not deserve to be this lucky, but God, I truly am so lucky.

You look quite
Beautiful today.

My mom is sick.
as usual
But, I took a moment
to tell her hello and
get her some water.
We talked for a moment
but she stopped and saw
a trailer on the TV of two
girls kissing and put on a
look of disgust on her face.
I became silent with fear and
an overwhelming shame ran through me.

What if she knew? What if she knew that I am in love with the girl of my dreams? That I wish to hold her in my arms forever and to kiss away her pain for the rest of my life? That I have fallen for a girl whom she trusts?

I now sit in my room contemplating why God would have made me gay if my own parents would end up hating me?

coward

Yeah, trust me, I've been wondering that as well.
Not only me, but my family as well.
And my friends.
And everyone else, too.
You're not the only one who doesn't understand why.

Go any lower and you'll expose what's left of your rutted and fragmented heart.

and for the first time in awhile, I've completely opened up to someone who really cares about me. How nice it was to speak so honestly with you, thank you so much.

I guess heartbreak is good for the abs.

I'm not particularly sad, but oh am I severely depressed.

I wish you loved me as much as you love yourself.

and I sure as hell love midnight thoughts sometimes, because they can be so **** enticing.

if you're my heart, i wonder what i am to you?

i did something that I've only ever done with another person, and its that i kissed you with such a tenderness that you had to know that i meant it in the sweetest of ways. why couldn't i see that you didn't know that at all?

You know you love them when
you still want the best for them and
you tell them to say "I love you"
to their new boyfriend
because you know
that the worst crime is
not letting someone know that
you them them too.

You enchant me even when you're not around.

The more you learn about me, the more scared I become.
I'm scared that you'll leave when you find out more and more about me.
You want to know everything.
Not because I'm this "interesting" person that you say I am,
but because you're actually genuinely interested in who I am and who I will become.
Just don't let anything I say change anything, okay?

it wouldn't matter, no, not much at all.
because, my dear, everything takes time to grow.

I realized that they only care about you when you're close to death, but if only they knew that you already are dead.

You're death.

i'll never change, will i?

and as he walked into the room, my eyes lit up. everything inside of me combusted and I could feel every single vibration in my bones as his heartbeat quaked around me. but he would never see what he has done to me. *he will never know.

I USED TO NEVER NEED A GPS TO FIND THE GOOD IN YOU, BUT AS OF LATE, I HAVE BEEN GRASPING AT EVERY MAP THAT I CAN FIND.

i just want to hold you, to know what I'm feeling is true.

I'm starting to learn that you aren't the only beautiful person in the world.

you say sweet words, but I simply cannot believe them.

You could've talked to me, to give me a heads up.
To tell me that you were feeling that way.
That is what trying is.

and I haven't left my bed all day, my heart hurts too much to even think about it.

do I come off as
ignorant
as well?

Who ******* cares?

you may have stolen them, but I have new ones now that are completely mine.

God, don't leave me too.
I love you, *I love you.

why do I need to understand you so badly

I feel like I bother you, but I just can't stay away.

You and I, we're so intimate with one another.
Not the touching kind of intimacy either...but the closeness we share.
We talk for hours on end and we never get tired of one another's voice
and we fall asleep together, because you don't want to hang up and I hate hanging up on people, so we're just stuck together.
I say, "Yeah, we fell asleep together on the phone again last night," and my friends giggle because I talk about whatever we are as if we're already one in the same, but it's just hard to separate us since we're already so intimate with one another.
I don't need to feel your touch to know that you care about me, because I can see it in your eyes while you're talking to me about your day.
I know how much you care by the way you help me with my studies and you tell me a new history fact from the top of your head every single night.
I can feel how much you care by the way you say, "I think saying 'I guess I like you' is quite an understatement now. I really like you, Rachel. I truly do."
This is the intimacy that I cherish the most, and I'll always be grateful for you and the way you show me that you care for me.

he said that he saw you at the game
sitting all alone
looking around and
waiting for something,
it seemed.
he said that I had walked past and
he watched you as you stared at me
as I walked by.
what were you thinking?
why won't you say a word to me?
i'm completely lost and
absolutely confused.
please, just say
something.

And how is it fair that so much love is being lost? *How is it right?

I'm with the tide now, there's no time to fight it anymore.