So what I'm really tryin' to say is, and what I hope you understand
Is despite all the imperfections of who I am I still wanna be your man
I know it hasn't been easy for us to talk with everyone being around,
But this is, this is personal, this is for me and you
And I want you to know that I still love you
And I know the seasons may change,
But sometimes love goes from sunshine to rain
But I'm under this umbrella and I'm calling your name
And you know I don't wanna lose that
I still believe in us
I still believe in love
I still believe in us
I hope you believe in love
The way I believe in us

I broke your heart this morning at 8 am
and then again at 6 pm.

If you hurt me,
Why are you my remedy?
If I love you,
Would you call it insanity?

Hold me with your words around my neck
Choke me with your lips and the poison kisses you'll give me
Let me taste fire and let my insides burn with
Only ashes left behind
And don't leave any evidence for them to find.

There goes that
Fake smile again.

You cannot look at me
and I guess it is only fair.
I did call you a narcissistic
******* and I don't know,
the things you say make me
think of things my parents say
to me so it is only rightful of me
to automatically see that in you as well.

But you can be so wonderful.
You always say sweet words to me
and honestly I haven't felt a real love
like this in a long, long while.
Not sure where this is going,
or where we are going,
but I just want you to know that I
love you so much and I am
truly sorry.

You know you're in love
when you smell her in
your pillow and when
she laughs at the way
you now beg for
her to touch you
the way that
you touch
her.

A calm wave rushes over me
That brings only one thought into my mind:
*You.

on this pale yellow post-it note lies 10 hurriedly written digits and i've never felt more secure, yet so unsure all at the same **** time

I noticed you
                        Haven't said sorry.

Why do I want you so much but
I'm constantly hating myself for it?

I'm exhausted,
My mind keeps running
Round and round
And it never stops
To take a rest
And think of you
In a good way.

and we all have watches, but never enough time.

don't remember the old me
she died long ago
she is not worth remembering
and guess what?
she dug your grave
for you
too.

Take me now Lord
I'm all yours
I can't keep this promise

It just seems like
You wouldn't miss me.
Like nobody would.

You remind me of
Love.
But when I'm alone in the darkness of my room
I can hear the slowing down of your
Heartbeat.
You think you aren't
Alive?
Watch me drown these pills,
Then we'll see who really is.

I'm so sorry
I know that maybe I
Took it to far and
Said something's but
I miss you so much and
I'm having trouble
Letting go.

You've helped with so much
And I see your stares.
Why should I
Let go of
Someone that
Cares?
_________

It'd be easier if
I were dead.
I'd be nobody's
Issue and
You'd only grieve for
Awhile.
I'm nothing of
Importance anyways.

I can't even help my
Best friend nor
Stay out of trouble and
I can even get my love
Thrown away.

So what's the point in me
Being alive when
Nobody even
Wants me to
Stay?

I wish to tell him how
happy she makes me.
     But, sadly I do not know
his views on homosexuality.

I finally got some
Sleep last night.


And by some I
Slept for 13 hours.

God, you've always been a
Part of my life.
I used to dream about heaven and
Pray to Him every night.

A few weeks ago, I thought of what a waste
That time was.

But lately, I keep thinking that maybe it wouldn't hurt to
Talk to him again.
Maybe he can help me.

the devil always comes back for his demons

You could burn me alive, kick me in the sides, scream at me till I cry,
and I'd still be completely and utterly infatuated with your entire being.

and all I need is physical affection to make things a little better. Come hold my hand, or better yet, just come and hold me. It makes everything a little bit better, a little bit easier.

loneliness is synonymous with my name
and the fragments of my broken heart would agree.

what changed?

abuse is the reason she likes you
she said.
*right?

I like being alone,
No really I do.
I'm content
even though
I dont have a future
With you.

My split ends
Reminds me of
The cracks in
My heart.
They're spidery webs
That keep forming
By the demons
That pull away
All hope
For something more.

Everybody keeps asking if I'm okay,
Except for you.
You truly don't care,
And that's what hurts the most.
Yes, you love me,
But you don't know how to show it anymore.
Want to know how many times I've cried in the past few days?
Just come look at me for more than two ******* seconds.
Want to know how I'm dealing with this pain?
Im just watching my own heart tear into two while you don't care.
How many text messages have you sent to him in the past few days?
More than our 10 text conversation last night, definitely.
And he's not the problem, it's not about him. It's about you.
Because every single thing has to be about you.
You may not realize it, but it does.
How many times have I been told in the past few days "Leave her, you'll be happier"?
More than the amount of texts you've sent me.
But will I listen to them?
Honestly, i don't know.
Because every time i try to talk to you, You sleep.
And every time I ask to be by you, you say no.
And every time I want to have time to kiss you, you say "I'm taking the stairs".
And every single ******* time I say "I love you", I hear you voice go up to say a measly "I love you". When your voice goes up, it's as if you're telling a lie or saying something without its true meaning anymore. You might think you're good at lying, but you can't hide from me.
Just...do me a favor. Tell me. Tell me you aren't happy. Tell me you don't want to be with me anymore. Tell me, just tell me. I'm losing you and I don't know what to do. You're my love...you're my heart.
I just don't want you to be unhappy. I've cried so much... And every time you ******* off or break your promises or words, I fall apart again and again inside.
Just tell me. Please.

I always did let the
Pretty girls get the
Best of me.

i am mountains and valleys of mistakes and wrongdoings,
but i am here on my knees Lord---
i am ready for You.

I know we both don't regret it,
so I'd like to say thank you for
breaking up with me,
because it was exactly what we
both needed.

“She couldn’t get any farther away inside from her skin. She couldn’t get away."

"I think I'm falling in love." She said with a slight quiver in her voice, scared of what I'd say or do next. I looked at her, I dared to ask, "Who? Who could possibly be worthy of you?" She turned around and then turned back, she looked me in the eyes with her big, beautiful blue eyes and said, "Only you." And she grabbed my face and kissed me with such passion, I think I would've passed out.


Good thing she was there to catch me.

ive quickly learned how
fast sadness lets
itself back
in.

"you've never been in a relationship with a guy before, so of course you're scared."*
no, you don't get it.
i'm not scared of them.
i'm not scared of men, i truly am not.
i'm scared of myself, because i tend to ruin everything i touch instead of
turning it into gold and i'm tired of being the one who breaks and destroys
everything and everyone around me.
i just wanna build and love and create and be filled with joy
instead of constantly feeling like i'm rotting from the inside
out.
is that too much to ask?

I think I'm fine
With being who I am.
lesbian!
I'm scared someone will shout.
But, even if they do
I'll keep my head high
Because I've been through too
Much
To let something so
Small
Bring me

                 Down.

Every night I
Go to sleep
With tears r
                    o
                      l
                       l
                        i
                         n
                           g
Down my face.
I think about all of
The things I've done
Wrong and even about
Why I shouldn't be alive.

I've been trying to go to
Sleep earlier and earlier
Each night just so I could
Escape the world a little but
Longer and even get the
Crying done with
Earlier.

she asked me
"what is so
horrible
in your teenage life
that you feel the need
to **** yourself?"
to be honest,
i'm not even sure
anymore.

the list kept growing and
i got tired of keeping score.