I'm too afraid to say
Hello.
To start a conversation.
But I can write
About your
Eyes
That scream
Innovation.

You want more, but I can't give you anything more.
I can't give you a real relationship.
I can't give you commitment.
I can't give you what you deserve.
I can't, I can't, I can't.
You know this and you keep trying and I can't be what you want
nor what you need.

He kept trying to tiptoe around the word
but I just wouldn't let him.
"It's ***, you can say it. I know what *** is."
He laughed, looked me deeply in the eyes and
he said, "Fine, ***."
I smirked at him and he coyly did the same.
When she came back into the room and asked,
"gosh, I can't leave yall alone in a room for more than 5 minutes, huh?"
I looked over at him as he blushed a deep scarlet,
and I looked down as I smiled at the ground.
One second I am bold,
and the next I cannot help but to be so shy.
What is going on?

Her tongue dances on my spine
and sweat glitters in the moonlight
and she lets me feel the sway of her hips
as she dances along my body.

You and I
breathed each other in
and now we burn on
each other tongues
like the cigarettes that
sit between your
beautiful lips.

you have me shaking..
my tongue is unable to form
a single coherent word
without slipping and saying
how much I am starting to
abhor the way you can
talk while I am expected to
be silent and all
alone.

And I didn't want to be a flower, I wanted to be a ****. I wanted to always been in your heart, so that whenever you decided to pluck me out, I would come right back and infest your whole self with me over and over again.

you never spent those love coupons i made you, guess i wasn't worth it

"So you're.....what?"
You looked at me confusedly and
I tried my best not to be worried about
what you might think.
This is who I am,
And I can't keep lying about it.
"I'm Pansexual, yeah."
You took a deep breath,
and then you smiled at me as you grabbed ahold of my hands.
"Tell me more," you said.
And that's how I knew I had made an amazing choice.

I want to be
Okay
But it's just
So
Hard.

i had to stay
after today so
i could help
another teacher
out, but im
not complaining
because through
this window,
i can see you.
smiling,
laughing,
being the
joyous person
you are.

i can tell you're
happier and
i just love that.

im trying real hard to
make it easy for me
but when you asked me
why im was always so
busy and why i
never come by anymore
i didnt know
what to say.

and yet i wonder why i
cower at the thought of
him not returning
my love,
and yet i am the
one pretending that
i never felt that
way.

You know you're in love
when you smell her in
your pillow and when
she laughs at the way
you now beg for
her to touch you
the way that
you touch
her.

This is how it works in
My brain:
If I cut my hair,
I won't cut myself.
I'll take it out on
My hair and
It won't mean a thing.
But on my wrist it
Somehow means I'm
A monster.

I want to stick a knife through my skull, because I'm so sick and tired of my own thoughts.

When you wake up to
the sounds of birds chirping from
her window through your
phone and you both
just so happen to
wake up at the
same time...
that's how you
know you're in
*love.

you know the only thing worse than hate?
indifference.

I'm yearning for your
Lips right now;
To be pushed up against
Mine.
I'm yearning for your
Lips right now;
To be kissing up and down my
Spine.

Every though today didnt go as planned
It went smoother at the end.
I gave you a kiss on the head,
Told you everything was going to be okay,
And you know what?
I'm so glad I did.
Because it will be.
I love y'all,
Thank you so much.

Maybe I've let
Myself f
              a
                l
                 l
To hard
And now it's
Time to let
You g                   o.

Soft ringing becomes louder. And louder. And louder.
I guess I can open my open my eyes now. I don't think about anything, not even afraid to see what the shattered world in front of me holds. So I open my eyes. It was just another mistake. I hear my mother's voice in my head, speaking to me when I was a child. It was not soothing, but somewhat scolding warnings of what can happen if you don't use caution. I remember her words, her warning. Now that I have forgotten that warning, I open my eyes, to only find the holder of that voice in a world that I've only heard of, and don't know where it could be. All I know is that the holder of a precious, cautious voice, can no longer use it to give caution.

I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that, unfortunately, I have fallen for you. The good news? Well, it's that you'll never know.

if my erythrocytes change every 120 days, then I wonder if the process would be faster by opening up a vein or two, so I can get rid of some of the red blood cells instead of waiting for them to change.

He** writes,
He lives,
He is.

I just wish
I knew
Him.

I wish to tell him how
happy she makes me.
     But, sadly I do not know
his views on homosexuality.

If I pinned you against the wall
and slipped my tongue
into places unknown
would you let me
discover your
truths?

Seeing you
Smiling
Laughing
And
Enjoying life without me,
Seems like you'd be just fine.

Come look for me in the bathroom,
I plan on getting something sharp baby.
Let my blood run dry and
My heart stop beating.
Goodbye.

I haven't cut in so long that
I miss the feeling of
something other then
the sadness I feel
now.

Of course you'd start to come back when you're about to truly leave.

I am full of love to give, every part of me aches to give love to you. it pours out of me like a fountain pours water. my mouth aches to tell you I love you and my heart beats to the song your breath allows. I love you because I have love to give. you love me constantly and fully, which allows to give it right back to you.
I have never felt so right and in place since the day I was born, hence the reason I am staying. loving you is strong, and delicate, and I am so in love with the way you love me and I love you.

When a good thing goes bad it's not the end of the world
It's just the end of a world, that you had with one girl
And she's the reason it happened, but she's overreacting
And it's all because she don't want things to change

So cry if you need to, but I can't stay to watch you
That's the wrong thing to do
Touch if you need to, but I can't stay to hold you
That's the wrong thing to do
Talk if you need to, but I can't stay to hear you
That's the wrong thing to do
Cause you'll say you love me, and I'll end up lying
And say I love you too

But I need someone different
You know it, oh **, you know it
Oh **, you know it, we both know it
I need someone different
You know it, oh **, you know it
Oh **, you know it, we both know it
Something's been missing
You know it, oh **, she knows it
Oh **, I know it, we all know it
I need someone different (oh **, oh **)

We live in a generation of, not being in love, and not being together
But we sure make it feel like we're together
Cause we're scared to see each other with somebody else

But I need someone different
You know it, oh **, you know it
Oh **, you know it, we both know it
I need someone different
You know it, oh **, you know it
Oh **, you know it, we both know it
Something's been missing
You know it, oh **, she knows it
Oh **, I know it, we all know it
I need someone different

"How can you keep that?"
                                                                    **"I don't even know anymore."

A calm wave rushes over me
That brings only one thought into my mind:
*You.

Well... hey Easter bunny.. Remember me?
It's Rachel... It's been awhile. I mean, I don't really remember talking to you as a kid but honestly, I don't remember much anyways. Everything inside of my head seems so dark now.
Bright colors seem foreign and so do the stars (even though I look at them every single night...) but now only my fears stay deep within my thoughts.
Anyways, I have several wishes:
#1 Give Juan something good up there. He always seemed to like the brownies one of the girls in my Spanish class would bring, could you bring him some of those? And tell him some funny jokes... He always had the nicest laugh.
#2 Make sure to bring my girlfriend something sweet. She deserves it. I couldn't be with her for our 2nd month anniversary, but hopefully there will be more to come. Just give her something good... well... not too good. Ha.
#3 I guess this is kind of selfish... I could be asking to help my friends or save all of the sick children... but instead I am asking for your help. I have so many thoughts in my head and it sure would mean a hell of a lot to my friends and I if they would disappear. I would hate to make them come true.

So, Thank you and please also give us world peace.

*( I must be a foolish child if I am asking for world peace )

on this pale yellow post-it note lies 10 hurriedly written digits and i've never felt more secure, yet so unsure all at the same **** time

and I looked at you like you were a doormat that said "Welcome Home", but you only treated me like I was a bright neon sign that said **"One Night Only"

I'm not even sure
why I cut this time.
i guess I just did it to feel
to feel what?
I am happy, aren't i?
I should be.
hell I should be ecstatic.
I have a loving girlfriend,
my friends are great,
my parents trust me again,
and I have God by my side.
so what is it that I ever so
desperately need to feel?

Can I tell you a secret?
I am not unhappy.
I am not sad.
I am not angry.
I am anything but depressed.
I think that is what I miss.

The sadness is what I crave.
The constant happiness isn't
fulfilling my desires anymore.
Is there something wrong with me?
Some kind of unknown disorder that
causes you to crave the very thing
that made you hate yourself for so long?

This happiness is driving me mad.
It is like I will not let myself
be happy all day.
Why can't I just stay happy?
It's a wonderful feeling.
It makes everything seems brighter
and more beautiful!

So, why can't I just accept that
I am happy and get over
what needs to be
out of my life?

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

Stay calm.
Everything's gonna be alright.
I think.
Maybe.
Sometimes.
****
Will I be okay?

I live to breathe the
Exhaust that pours outta you.

shes the
universe
in one
swift
motion.

They'll be look into my
Journal
To see if I've ver had suicide as an
Option.

Well,
It is.