My world is speeding up. Everyday it gets closer and closer to some invisible end point. I just don't know what that end point looks like. It's scary. Like racing towards an edge and knowing you can't slow down. My heart speeds up. Kicking me in the lunges as I think about it.
  My schedule is always full. Exhaustion is my lurking roommate. I wake up just as tired as I was when I fell asleep. I want to name this feeling but I can't grasp the right words. So I Google hundreds of them. Hoping. Praying. That I'll find one that settles on my soul. So far? No luck. They all start to blur eventually. The A's and the Q's all look the same. The B's and the R's intertwine. My brain is a scattered mess of failed expectations and words I can't express to my full desire.

The desire to fill,
to pour more
into the gaps of my heart,
my soul, and mind.
To completely submerge
those bare holes
until there is no room
for doubts and insecurities.
It is so overwhelming when I stand
in the folds of your arms.
When your presence consumes
those pains and calms my breath.
The need to change
is building.
Empty me,
Fill me.
Change me.
Consume me.
God, use me.
I am Yours.

If I close my eyes,
I can sense it.
The stiff,
unrelenting
chill.
The brisk morning runs.
The reddened apples piled under trees.
If I close my eyes,
I can remember it.
How it passed every year,
like the mourning of a loved one.
How it tastes like bitter words
from the mouth of an angry parent.
It's the end of warmth.
Winter is coming.

I was ignorant.
I didn't see the strike until it was too late.
The knife was already between shoulder blades.
And I was down on my knees begging for mercy.
You had none...

And now I can't believe;
I didn't see your narcissistic qualities.
All the signs that pointed to your cruelty.
How every word you said was meant to destroy me.
But now I can...

And I'm never coming back.
I gave you chance after chance,
to make your amends.
And when you didn't,
I had to forgive it;
and move on...

The dress fits delightfully, each curve met with the finest embrace.
My hands and feet are ready, to walk and join yours in covenant.
How long I've felt the waiting, how soon I see your face.
For the first time as I ascend the isle, your tears of joy so evident.

I feel my eyes begin to burn, and look away hastily.
For the tears of love reflected in yours, might be my undoing.
I say goodbye to my mother, and it's from my father I cleave;
to join you, my sweetest beloved, in the most exquisite molding.

Where your name becomes mine, and our souls become one.
We both say I do, and join in an unbreakable love.
We walk back down that isle, now together in hand,
The rain splashing in light symphony from heavens joyful band.

The cheers ring up around us, a song I'll never forget,
A fairytale story, now sealed by God and a heartfelt kiss.
How I love you, my dear, and how that love shall grow;
each year that we remember, what such a small seed could sow.

So, to the future still unknown, we travel towards together,
my husband, now you are, my best friend, my only lover-
I, your wife, your first morning kiss and every evening embrace,
am yours; in body, mind and spirit, your home and safe place.

Underneath all the makeup
Behind all the smiles.
I’m just another person.
Struggling through their trials.

The world is nothing without words;
without mans cogitated thoughts.
The world is silent with no voice;
if man doesn't help share it's deepest plots.

It's fierce wind blows silent and hollow.
Begging for mans whispered dreams.
Revealing to us its greatest sorrows.
Through it's ripping seams.

Solitude is the world without mans loud vox.
Endlessly spinning day after day.
Trapped in its own Pandora's Box.
The only key to this chest is the words we say.

So don't hold them in.
Or keep silent.
For without our words;
the world will forever pay.

It's all so tiring.

I feel old in this moment.
As if my soul has traveled far too many times around the sun recently.
I feel my bones stretch with knew realizations and my lunges expand with more knowledge.
I am but another youth,
but I feel so old still.
Life is hard lately.
Life is heartbreaking lately.
Life is constant and ever changing
and I am young but feeling old.
For I feel the breath stolen from his lungs,
I feel the chants of too many years of injustice.
I feel the fear of wearing a badge but wanting to make things better.
I feel the desperation of society.
And I feel so, so old.
What painful times we live in.
What changing times we live in.
I was young,
but knowledge ages you,
And now I know so much.
So I must speak what I know.
And change what I can.
And oh, dear God,
please let this next generation do better than we did.
Be better than we have.
For I am young.
But feel so old.
And there are so many like me
And so many more who have been tired longer.

It's the simplest of sentences that cause the greatest of quakes in our souls.

Like, "I love you" and, "Goodbye".

Tightening, tightening.
That’s how it feels.
Like a hand around my windpipe,
cutting off my air.
I can’t breath.
I can’t speak.
I can’t do anything but suffocate.
Please, oh please!
Just let me breath.

These little steps I’ve been taking too.
Are the ones of life that bring us through;
long dirt roads and open doors.
From hospital beds to graveyard rows.
We each take paths that break us down.
Places where our knees give out.
We blister and fall as we continue to walk.
And sometimes we must crawl along the sidewalk.
We are only human, don’t you see?
We aren’t always meant to live pain free.
We must make decisions that are hard.
And learn to keep going despite fates card.
But we are human and therefor we are strong.
So when there is bad days we remember the good.
Where the sun shines, and our steps feel light.
Where people come along to help bare the weight.
Those are the times when we forget our burdens.
When our crazy walk seems almost worth it.
When we are surrounded by those we care for.
The journey is long but bearable.
Occasionally even enjoyable.