I'm was  jabbering fool and you know it
Sitting in my sest pool, or below it.

I talked and I talked and Talked
sometimes when I spoke I was shocked.

Nobody ever really liked me,
But I never really cared.

Now every one wants to be like me
But they will never ever compare.

See I made it out of the house that was on fire,
Hell I even made it out of the bed.
and  I am still being lead by desire,
But I control it now with my head.

I ran from the shallow hole we all dug
I ran from that nasty place.
I took the key out from under the rug
and I ran at the fastest pace.

I hope no one ever goes in
at least not with out me.
Because that was my own personal pin
That was my nasty place to be.

I glance back, through time and space.
Pause at myself to see a younger face.
My oh my the ways I've changed.
Lifes all different now. Rearranged.
I wake up, looking at my ceiling, not quite exactly like the one before.
I try hard to remember the feeling, when my apartment had no door.
The windows mostly busted out, space heater on the floor.
A junkies life no doubt. Mother was a **** *****.
I find myself wandering back to the bathroom that first time.
My step a father said the needle would help. So i thought, okay fine.
I was a kid, ****** up by circumstances.
all around me grew deadly cancers.
Moms friends, Dads friends, my friends now too.
I had nobody else, what would you do.
16 years old living life like I shouldn't.
If i had a second chance i don't know that i wouldn't.

My serotonin levels must be low. this addiction **** really blows.
I've cleaned the room now i clean my house.
Keep on my toes, not to offend my spouse.
I got a big mouth. With a blunt mind.
And if you got a problem well no problem of mine.
I just want happiness.... Refined.
I wish it was easy. I wish there weren't so many problems and rules.
Whats wrong with wanting a rush. using tools.
I wish i could save up all my happy moments and put em in a syringe.
See if I tell some one who loves me that there going to  cringe.
Thats why i wish it was easy, to be a person. Every one would do it, if we all had no purpose.
I can't explain why i'd rather, be incapacitated  than one day waking up out dated.
Out of context, no longer relevant. wasted.

Dark scented light,
to my immediate delight
shone on through my eye ways.
Nesting maggots in my eyes,
I've mistaken god for flies.
Building up to what i was,
newness to an old impostor,
faking till you think im softer.
Satan came with darkness tongue.
Liquid acid licked me till I's numb.
Newness to an old impostor
changing lifes take what your offered.
Drugs and needles, lying thief.
woke up dead to my relief.
Gave my arm to doctor havoc.
swelled my vein you cannot have it.
Broken seal, mid elbow bend.
I know what I've done, but everyone has sinned.
Waking night in cold cold sweat
when it comes to dope wish we never met.

i get the balance

you say one thing and do another
gain something and lose another
let one go and choose another
bruise one side and hurt the other

you laugh at one and laud another
trust in one and stab another
rip the arms off one another
sling opinions at each other

i heard it all from a to z
but i only got as far as x
because i didn't understand the y
or what for