"Daddy,"* said Catharine as I tucked her
into bed, "will you tell me a tale?"
So I told her the story
of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves
with Disney's ***** and Grumpy  
thrown in for good measure;
and when I finished she pulled out
an apple from under her pillow
and she said I should eat it
I laughed and I did, and spent 7 days in hospital
And my doctor said I was lucky to have survived
the poisoned apple
Catharine won't tell us where she got it from

Today Catharine stands before me
and her stepmom
as we have dinner
And she places two pink cupcakes on the table
and she smiles, and she whispers:
*"Eat...that's from Hansel and Gretel"

I walked in to the University
I said, "Show me the library;
that's what I always want to see"
And they brought me into
The Hemingway Library -
and that had me drooling, that
they'd think of naming the place after
that famous writer, and a favourite

"That's amazing," I told my guide
"that so far away from the USA
you'd think of naming it after Ernest Hemingway"

"Oh no," said the guide, puzzled
"It's named after Andrews Hemingway"

"Is he a writer?" I asked

"Oh, sort of," my guide explained,
*"he wrote us a cheque for 2 million"

"Daddy,"* says my 4-year-old
"There's a monster under my bed"
I laugh and I hum
an extended wooooo sound
and to amuse her, I look under her bed
"Daddy," says my 4-year-old under her bed
*"There's a monster on my bed"

Predictor - services: all types of future events
I have a genius for things that don't happen

I predicted the 1979 economic boom
in the Antarctica - no doubt it didn't happen
I predicted the end of the world
in 1987, and again in 1996
and not to forget 2010
and on various other occasions:
I have a genius for things that don't happen
I foresaw and declared
the skyrocketing rise in US house prices
in 2006 (but the Banks had other plans)

and now, for the record,
I predict with confidence
without batting an eyelid
Obama will be elected again
in 2016 as US President;
and about the same time
they will declare me
the UK's King in waiting

if your life is in a mess
you might want to engage me
to fix it with a prediction or two;
conditions apply,
and fees are upfront
and non-refundable too

Just give me a shout;
*I hear you wherever I am

(Warning: The following poem is a tale of horror)
_______________

1
E­at your food
pleaded the mom

Or else what?
shouted the stubborn child

Please eat your food
entreated the grandma

Or else what?
screamed the ungrateful child

Or else, said the father
the barber will come in when we are out
and he'll snip off your fingers


2
And true enough, one evening
when all the adults were out
a barber appeared before the child
and he said: Eat your food

Or else what? shouted the brat of a child

And when the adults returned that night
they found ten little fingers
all neatly displayed on the dining table

well,  let's stop at this motel
have dinner and a nice shower
go to bed early
and if we leave at about 10
tomorrow morning
drive in the general direction we took today
*we'll arrive nowhere...comfortably in no time

1)
How many writers, asked a friend
(with a cheeky twinkle in his eye)
does it take to change a light bulb?

That's a dim-wit's question, I said
You should ask:
How many times will a writer
change the same light bulb?


2)
My non-writer friend
(his twinkle now dull, then dead)
scratched his head
and to enlighten him I shed some  light
on the subject:
A writer edits and changes
their work many times
to get it perfect;
and so the same thing happens
when you make a writer change the bulb

No, my friend did not appreciate
the illumination