Books and books
one after the other,
I shall let myself drown
in all its comfort and warmth,
and live vicariously through the lives
of these pretty paper people
that’s much more preferable,
for as long as I please

I shall hope and dream in fiction,
Sing words of poetic dictions,
Find peace of mind in metaphors,
or both hilarity and clarity
enveloped in poetries and fantasies,
Perhaps I’ll let my guard down,
and fall in everlasting love
with the men that breathe charm and ooze chivalry (Re: Dawsey Adams & Mr Darcy)

So brb world,
I'll just pore over these books
as I pour myself another cup of tea
and perhaps read another page (or two or three)

I don't know why but lately,
writing has been an excruciating process for me
these hands don't write quite nearly as good
rhymes don't seem to spill out nearly as easy
and stringing words together isn't nearly as exciting
as they used to be

The ideas in my head sound a little too ridiculous
The dreams I have are a little too farfetched
The faith I used to believe in so firmly is dissolving
slowly, bit by bit

Lately, I'm just tired and uninspired.

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o’er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced, but they
Out-did the sparkling leaves in glee;
A poet could not be but gay,
In such a jocund company!
I gazed—and gazed—but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

1  It's the strangest phase of your life EVER.

2. You're sort of transitioning into an adult but you're still very much a child at heart.

3. You start to take up multiple responsibilities - at school, at home, maybe a part-time job. And sometimes it can be overwhelming for you.

4. Pursuing an education takes a whole lot of work, no matter what type of course you take.

5. It’s also a privilege for many, so be thankful for that.  

6. People can be a handful. Some are literal pieces of ****. So know your battles; know when to engage and disengage.

7. Friends worth keeping are the ones who let you grow and flourish without having to be there 24/7.

8. Show kindness, no matter the circumstance. (Because kindness always wins!)

9. It's better to just stop thinking of what others think of you.

10. And gosh, stop judging yourself too hard.

11. Overthinking does ****. Take that leap of faith once in a while, you'll be fine.

12. You're already amazing, as is.

13. Sometimes the ones you love most are the ones who hurt you most.

14. Sometimes the ones you love most are the ones you hurt most.

15. You will fall. And you will fail. Over and over and over again.

16. And jatuh ha gedebuk gedebang tergolek terlantang into the furthest, deepest pit of the hole.

17. But somehow you’ll find yourself back up again. And somewhere along the way you realise it wasn’t that bad of a fall.

18. Then you realise there are so many things to be grateful for, Alhamdulillah. (and that you were just being a big *** whiny drama queen, exaggerating every little, minuscule thing all along)

19. Also, it’s okay to be sad, miserable and feel so alone once in a while. And boy oh boy you WILL cry like you’ve never cried before.

20. But that doesn’t make you a baby. It makes you stronger. Feelings and emotions are important and they do matter. You matter.

21. Despite it all, you’ll always have God. And that is the best part.

1.  It always happens completely unexpectedly.

It could be a year from now, perhaps another 5 years, maybe tomorrow. It could be the person you've been liking for the longest time, it could be your bestfriend that you didn't think you'd fall for, it could be the guy you met for three days during your sister's graduation day. Nothing's ever really certain. You just don't know when it'll happen. And with whom.


2.  It's good to know what you want. But never set expectations.

I've come to realise that what's most important is that you share the same or similar end-goals with the person. Having different outlooks on life isn't necessarily a bad thing, as long as the things you wish to achieve in life are, or should at least be aligned to one another - whether it's family, career or personal life goals. It's also good to know what you want in a person in terms of his/her core values. BUT, having a list of what your dream person should physically and mentally turn out to be? Nope, throw that out.  


3.  Self-love before anything else.

It's about acknowledging your flaws. Knowing and understanding your little quirks. Enjoying time by yourself and taking pleasure in your own presence. Looking in the mirror and feeling beautiful/badass. Ultimately, it's about accepting yourself exactly the way you are. Loving yourself first and foremost, above all else. And eventually having enough confidence to know that however and whoever you are, the other person will come to love every single little detail about you.

.....but what if they don't?

Simple. Get outta there. You don't deserve it.
You've got too much self-respect for that.


4.  Take all the time you need.

In an era of technological advancements and glorified instant gratification, it's easy to fall into the abyss of wanting more and more and wanting it NOW. Everywhere you look, everyone around you seems to be falling in love and having the time of their lives. Pfft, it isn't that hard is it? People find their soulmates all the time. It's just a mere click of an app. Swipe right, there you have it.

Now... here comes the hard-hitting truth. Falling in love is a literal piece of cake. Staying in love, now that's the hardest part. This is where patience and taking the time to know a person is crucial. It's very important to know the person as a friend first before anything else. Also, the friendship should make you feel comfortable enough to know that no matter how much time you take and need, it only proves that it'll further flourish into something even more meaningful as time progresses.

It's like cheese. It's only better with time.


5.  It should set you free.

I used to think love is somewhat this concoction of paradoxes -  it should be happiness and despair, goodness and pain, all jumbled up into one. You're supposed to love someone so much till it hurts. You're supposed to miss him till your head spins and your heart literally aches. It's supposed to make you feel like the worst.... but completely in love.

But as time passes and age matures me, I start to realise that it should be in fact, the complete opposite. Well, yeah, maybe it should make you feel like all those generic lovey-dovey things like in rom-coms. It should make you happy and grin like an idiot. It's gonna turn you into a big ball of cheesy fluff sometimes.

But what it should really feel is easy and breezy, like a pretty summer's day. No one has to feel like you're giving too much and receiving too little when there's mutual understanding and love for each other. It shouldn't feel burdensome when both of you respect your boundaries and spaces. There should too, be times spent apart. You are, after all, two completely different individuals merged together. Your union should make you strong but light on the feet; attached but not chained to one another. You are each the savoury and the sweetness of a PB&J sandwich; both constituting different parts of a whole.