love is all I'll ever give

for the girls
that will never know the difference
between affection and aggression
for the kids forced to bring
broken arms and black eyes
to show and tell
each bruise a reminder
never to make him mad again
he told you he was nothing
like your father
so you let him leave you bruises
to know what it felt like when he was gone,
tell me what it feels like when he's gone.
they will tell you
boys will be boys,
but that is no excuse
for telling you
that you asked for it
i love you,
i beat you,
I'm sorry,
there is no excuse,
don't ever accept that
boys will be boys.
darling,
aggression and affection
are not synonyms
they exist in opposite universes
and i will scream
until my voice in nonexistent
for my eight year old cousin to understand
when he hits you on the playground
it does not mean he likes you
never make the mistake of
thinking he loves you when he leaves you scars
when you see the flames
burning in his eyes
and fear starts in yours
don't you ever
confuse it with love
women will continue
to believe they asked for it
will continue to believe
they wanted it
until we convince them
your clothes do not say
**** me
your alcohol content does not say
**** me
only you have to power to say yes or no
only you have the power to tell yourself
the only cause of **** is rapists

He stands tall, but not the tallest any more
Hazel eyes define every other feature on his face
His hair is like mine
A mess of untamable curls like our father had in college
Calloused fingertips reveal every late night spent
Playing his guitar
Learning and writing songs alike
His voice is a spectrum of booming frustration to gentle advice
Afternoons after school
and late nights after breakups were spent belting at the top of our lungs
all of the songs we only sang in front of each other
When he was in high school
He was a safe I could keep all my secrets with
The ones I wouldn’t dare tell mom and dad
and now
I can only make deposits on holidays and seldom weekends
Over anything else
I love how he trusts me with his secrets
Making just as many deposits as I do if not more
Though he is only a call away
It’s not the same as having him down the hall
It’s not the same
It’s never going to be the same

We sit in silence together
Surrounded by the celling fan and window creak symphony
The quiet moments speak louder than the laughter
I revel and hold tightly to these minutes
Knowing I'll be packing my bags in a matter of months
Leaving for unknown territory
Turning a new page in this book
Not knowing what I will write
And I can only hope that
You will continue to write your name
In the margins of my story
In between the lines of every page
And all that I ask is that
You will continue to write in pen
And never regret the moments you have written