Some moments I am here,
In the present time,
But other times I flash back,
Without no reason or rhyme.

Sometimes I can see so vividly,
The traumas of my life.
And sometimes I find myself once again,
Holding a knife.

In these moments there are times I freeze,
Like I have seen a ghost.
How could I possibly forget,
About the ones I love the most.

My past holds many demons,
Some I have yet to face.
I just wish there was something,
To make these memories erase.

I was a victim of bullying,
Of ****** assault, domestic violence and ****.
A girl who had to grow up fast to help take care of her family. I put so much into every bit of work I have ever done, trying to forget the pain of my past. But parts of it always seem to show back up and shake me until I can't breathe. I have lost who I am and I'm trying so hard to find her. But one thing I do know I am is a mother and partner, and I can't let my past beat me. But easier said than done. I will continue to fight everyday and hopefully make peace with my demons. But until then this is my life. Living with PTSD

No matter the cost,
No matter the price,
We will always want to give,
But here is my advice.

No matter how hard we work,
Or how hard we try,
There will always be something out of reach.
Something we cannot buy.

But in these wishes we forget,
Why we purchase things.
We give in order to receive smiles and love,
Like giving diamond rings.

We all forget that the happiness is already there,
While we spend time with those that we love.
Never forget it's the thought that counts,
Because one day our loved ones will be looking down from above.

Love is free

Pain is something we all feel,
At some point down the line.
It can make us want to give up,
But we don't have to this time.

It can make us feel like we're drowning,
Beneath our sea of sorrows.
But what keeps us strong is rising to the surface,
Never forgetting to breathe.

It's okay to ask for help,
If you feel you cannot swim.
The sea of life is treacherous,
And I don't say this on a wim.

The important thing is to never keep these deep emotions bottled up inside.
For one day you may explode like a grenade,
And turn into someone that you do not recognize.

Never be ashamed of being sad, angry or confused,
As that is a part of life.
It is how we turn the pain into positivity,
That helps us overcome our strife.❤

I heard three words today,
Words I never knew were true.
The words that made me smile,
Which were I love you.

I had been knocked down,
Time and time again.
I never knew this would happen,
Until our lives together began.

You gave me hope again,
And showed me what to do.
Sometimes all you need is someone,
To hold you close and say

        I Love You <3

I have had to take a break,
From writing about my life.
So much has been going on,
I finally put down the knife.

I had my little girl,
Who changed my life forver.
She gave me hope that I could heal my wounds,
And to give up never.

Me and her father drifted apart,
Due to domestic abuse.
I couldn't let myself fall backwards,
To once again tying a noose.

I walked away to protect my daughter,
In any way possibly needed.
And in walking away I found someone better,
Someone to show me I wasn't defeated.

He has a son from his previous relationship,
And I couldn't have been more glad.
To watch him taking care of my daughter as his own,
And meeting his little lad.

My new partner stood by me in court,
As I fought for my little girl.
Watching as if she were his own,
In a crazy whirl.

Fast forward to this moment,
Years after all is said and done.
We are now a happy family of three,
With our now two year old son.

Everything happens for a reason,
Some good and some scary.
But we can come back from it,
And we do not need to wary.

This is my life so far,
My reason for stepping back.
I needed to clear my head,
And get my life back on track.

But now I stand her a warrior,
A fighter who never quit.
I stand here a proud mother,
And my fire for writing, is once again lit.

I know that it has been awhile,
Since I sat down to write.
Because now my life is soaring,
High just like a kite.

Now I am a fiance,
And a mother to a daughter.
Everything is looking up,
Even though I thought I could go no farther.

We have our own apartment,
Paying our own bills.
No more living with parent,
Just us at our own free will.  

Our little girl is now 6 months,
And time is going fast.
No more remembering the bad times,
No more living in the past.

Within me is a being,
That I cannot yet see.
A child growing day by day,
A gift to my fiance and me.

We may be scared,
And we may be stressed.
But we need to work hard,
To give our child the best.

The child may have surprised us,
But I wouldn't change a thing.
Bringing life into the world is magic,
And in a great way, mesmerizing.